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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know what to say/do?

162 replies

MoonlightDancer · 31/10/2019 21:19

Been round to a friends for a quick catch up and a cuppa, she has a 4 year old and a newish newborn. Her DH is on nights tonight but otherwise is usually around playing with the 4yo.

I was holding the newborn (she asked me to) whilst she was in the kitchen making tea, they have a small extension just off the living room which is used as a play area and the kitchen leads on to it. My friend can see her daughter from the kitchen and I could see her from the living room.

She walked off to get some toys and came back and then went back for a few mins to get more toys. I stood up to rock the baby and took my eye off my friends other child for a few seconds. Then she came back and sat playing in front of us on the floor.

My friend came through with the cups of tea and her daughter was playing and drawing/colouring whilst we chatted. I've just come back and received a text saying why did I let her 4 year old draw on the brand new painted walls in the play area?

I didn't see her daughter do that and I obviously would have told her to stop and tell her Mum.

My friend has asked me to stump up for the tin of paint it's Farrow and Ball which I have no problem doing as I feel awful but DH has said no chance.

She's stressed out enough but I feel a little bit annoyed now...I did offer to make the teas but she said no she wanted to do it. She's said I can transfer the money or just give her the cash on Sun...we're all meant to be meeting for Sunday Brunch with another friends family but DH has said she's being a CF and all children write/draw on walls so why on earth would you get F&B paint in a kids playroom? I haven't replied yet as otherwise she is a lovely friend and DH gets on really well with her DH so don't want to rock the boat.
Am AIBU or is she?

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 31/10/2019 23:51

Why would you use Farrow & Ball in a child's playroom if you can't afford to replace it?

She's awful to demand payment from you - completely bonkers!

I'm so glad you're standing up to her, OP!

CherryBathBomb · 01/11/2019 00:01

My guess is she didn't like the colour it was painted so wants you to redecorate at your expense! Do not give her a penny.

RockinHippy · 01/11/2019 00:02

How utterly bonkers

Brilliantly handled though

dontgobaconmyheart · 01/11/2019 00:08

In all honesty I think you should've been more direct really OP, and outright explained that she has been very unreasonable. You were not babysitting, her childs ill behaviour is her issue and not yours and it was her choice to turn her back on her and leave the room. It's cheeky and actually I don't think stress at home is excuse to cause bad feeling like she has done- she obviously has the time to repaint her bloody wall with the tin of free paint she wants so things can't be that bad.

She's shown you absolutely no courtesy OP and clearly doesn't care about offended you or suggested you were in some way negligent with children.

Tell her she can get the precious F&B colourmatched at B&Q like normal people do, which is probably what she did in the first place Hmm.

Baker1985 · 01/11/2019 00:10

You went over for a brew not to be her nanny if her child draws on her walls that's her problem. No way would i even consider paying her.

eternalopt · 01/11/2019 00:19

This is crazy!! Apart from the fact that she never should have expected you to be watching the child anyway, is she suggesting that a 4 year old needs to be watched every second by someone when in their own home??? How does she manage with a new born? Does she never wee? Does she never leave the room? How does she reach the conclusion that if you don't watch her child every second, the person on watch is responsible for anything the child does ?!? Kids sometimes do shit like this. Deal with it - there doesn't have to be someone else to blame all the time!

Do not pay for this paint!

LunasOrchid · 01/11/2019 00:51

Your Dh is right.. you are too soft!

0DimSumMum0 · 01/11/2019 01:23

I can't believe what I am reading to be honest. The drawing could have been there for a while and she's only just noticed!! Easy to do. Don't give her a penny.
Once a friend of my sons ripped down one of my window blinds and it had to be totally replaced as there was a huge tear in it. I didn't charge her a penny!

SandAndSea · 01/11/2019 01:53

Don't pay them a penny. She's being completely unreasonable.

SandAndSea · 01/11/2019 01:59

I think your messages have been good.

Graphista · 01/11/2019 02:08

I think your messages have been ok but they do lack some assertiveness.

Unfortunately her responses suggest she isn't going to let this go and I think you need to be prepared to deal with that.

She's taking the piss completely! Her kids, her home, her wall not your responsibility at all, she can't even prove it happened when you were there!

How does she manage when her dh not home and you're not there? I very much doubt she's watching her eldest 100% of the time!

Any chance HER dh will put her straight? Is he more sensible?

Namaste6 · 01/11/2019 02:25

I think your messages were absolutely fine. Not confrontational but assertive enough. It sounds like she is particularly stressed. Hopefully your text, and a good nights sleep will give her some much needed perspective. 🙏

TheSerenDipitY · 01/11/2019 02:45

i have no read the replys in my haste to tell you... crayon can be removed from painted walls with CRC/WD40 and ball point pen with hairspray or mentholated sprites and most marker pens also... so no need to paint any walls, it can be removed with minimal effort

Butterflycookie · 01/11/2019 03:00

Huh there’s no way I’d be paying for some overpriced paint. Glad you’ve said no. Surely she can rub the marks off or something or get a sample of the paint.

Countryescape · 01/11/2019 03:04

I’d text this: “ Wow, just wow! Are you really saying you expect me to pay for damage your daughter did, in your house? You have to be joking!”

Countryescape · 01/11/2019 03:06

Good on your OP! I’d love to hear what her response was!

Paddy1234 · 01/11/2019 03:13

Blatantly placemarking for update on CF ❤️

Potnoodledoo · 01/11/2019 03:15

If she could see her dd from where she was,why didnt she stop her.It would have been easier for her rather than you.You were holding the baby.

20viona · 01/11/2019 03:34

What a cheeky cow. Your message is fine let us know the response!

WhatTiggersDoBest · 01/11/2019 03:53

I think you need to ask her if she's actually tried cleaning it off with a damp cloth or if baby brain's making her forgetful. And if it hasn't come off with washing up liquid and a wet cloth, surely this is a lesson to her in buying washable coloring stuff for her kids and only letting them have it when they're supervised, I mean, the kid could have eaten the damn crayons, would she have noticed? From the way you described her movements, she wasn't exactly paying much attention to her own kids in her own house, so it sounds like she had probably zoned out/left them alone earlier or later in the day, when the incident happened, then she made excuses in her own mind for why it couldn't possibly have happened on her watch. Lol.

mistermagpie · 01/11/2019 03:57

What the actual? God love her, maybe she's in that weird newborn baby headspace and has temporarily taken leave of her senses.

You're not a childminder and her daughters behaviour is her responsibility, not yours. Hopefully she'll see sense when she's slept on it.

Farrow and Ball eh? It would be wouldn't it...

AlternativePerspective · 01/11/2019 04:32

I bet you could fill up a thread with the horrifying Grin things which toddlers have done when their parents have taken their eye off them for a second. I remember my own ds drew with crayon all over my then dh’s brand new flat screen plasma tv. Shock Shock and the worst of it was that it was my mum who noticed and not me, although fortunately we cleaned it off before he came home. What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him..... Wink

The friend is ridiculous to leave pens out in a playroom if she doesn’t want the DC to end up drawing with them. Sometimes these things happen, and the lesson we learn from them is to put the pens away in future. Grin Grin

pictish · 01/11/2019 06:26

Excellent text OP. I can only assume stress is causing rash thinking, along with being precious about the very recent paintwork. Hopefully your response will be enough to stop her in her tracks and put an end to it.

LannisterLion1 · 01/11/2019 08:13

That's s good text. Hopefully it's jogged her out of the newborn/toddler haze and you can both laugh it off.

livefornaps · 01/11/2019 08:22

My guess is she'll be back like a bad fart

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