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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how people 'accidentally' get pregnant?

448 replies

Butterflyone12e · 31/10/2019 16:15

I honestly do wonder how people say they fell pregnant by accident. Of course I can understand the horrific situation if sexual abuse/rape was involved but do people honestly fall accidentally pregnant?

I'm 33 years of age and have never fallen pregnant because I've not wanted to fall pregnant.

I wondered what peoples stories are. I really disagree with terminations (again unless medial or abuse).

OP posts:
Timpani · 31/10/2019 17:08

We were told we would never get pregnant naturally. We had IVF for our first. Very severe Male factor infertility.

I fell pregnant with DC2 whilst breastfeeding DS1 with no cycle in between.

We've not used contraception since DC2 was born as we always wanted 3. DC2 is nearly 6 and I've not managed it again, even with IVF.

Some people are just unlucky. Or in my case, the luckiest ever.

CalishataFolkart · 31/10/2019 17:09

@Butterflyone12e

You don’t agree with terminations except in medical or abuse cases?

Right. The baby that results from a rape is exactly the same as a baby that results from contraception failure, yet you only accept one of them being allowed to live. You either value all human life equally or you don’t.

The only difference is the action of the mother and that is what you are judging in order to decide which baby lives. It’s a despicable point of view.

I apologise to everyone else for the harsh terminology, but this cavalier attitude to women’s bodily autonomy is appalling.

BlouseAndSkirt · 31/10/2019 17:09
  1. Didn’t even have PIV sex. Transferred accidentally by touch, without realising
  2. A partner who went ahead without a condom before I managed to push him off. We were both quite drunk.

I have, as a result, had two terminations and I cannot bear snug judgmental posts like yours, Op, that imply that there is ‘no excuse ‘ for accidental (unintended might be a better term) pregnancy as part of your anti-abortion stance.

You have a right to your anti-abortion position. There is validity in asking how people come to be unintentionally pregnant. To link the two is judgmental, and reeks of whether an abortion is ‘deserved’ or not.

And what a hypocrite you are, IMO. A foetus is a foetus whether or not it is is disabled or a result of abuse. Either you are anti terminating pregnancy or you are not. Or are some babies more deserving than others?

I, by the way, have a disabled child.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 31/10/2019 17:10

Pregnant with mirena fitted. 🤷

Pregnant late twenties after condom split. Took morning after pill within the time frame, but still pregnant. Had a termination.

WWlOOlWW · 31/10/2019 17:11

Because I was young and stupid and didn't think it could happen to me.

byefeliciabye · 31/10/2019 17:12

What a ridiculous question. Please get a life.

Biscuit

HTH.

Bluerussian · 31/10/2019 17:12

It does happen, Butterfly. Contraception sometimes fails. I also know that occasionally people are careless, they take a chance, and I'm glad you haven't.

Keep it up until you're ready! I wish everyone was like you in that respect.

Graphista · 31/10/2019 17:13

What a goady, judgmental post!

Other people are different to you - shocker I know!

I first fell pregnant at 18 on the pill, was taking it same time every day (I’m now diagnosed ocd and was always fastidious about this type of thing even at that age) I hadn’t had an upset stomach, hadn’t taken any meds or anything else that contraindicated. Even in clinical trials everything but abstinence has a failure rate.

“but if you know a condom splits, then surely you'd take the morning after pill?” In addition to the morning after pill not really being something where we can accurately assess its efficacy (a lack of pregnancy isn’t proof it worked because that person may not have become pregnant even without using it) it depends on where you are in your cycle and also on access to morning after pill which in some parts of UK and for certain vulnerable girls and women AND due to Nhs cuts can be a major issue.

“Plus my understanding is ovulation is really only a few days per month” Again, depends on each girl/woman. One of the factors in my fertility is I release 2 eggs each month but not at exactly the same time when not using hormonal contraception. Meaning my fertile period is longer than others (and double opportunity!), also the menstrual cycle isn’t mathematically exact! Some girls/women might have very regular cycles but many don’t and so it can be difficult for them to know when they ovulate.

3 pregnancies here, 1st contraceptive failure ended in mc, 2nd planned but fell pregnant VERY quickly after coming off pill ended in mc/ectopic requiring surgery, 3rd pregnancy planned again fell pregnant very quickly after not only stopping contraception but also another medication which had impeding ovulation as side effect, result dd, but I suspect it was possibly a twin pregnancy with twin lost to early partial mc due to certain symptoms I had.

I’ve friends who’ve fallen pregnant on the coil, implant, after using morning after pill, after they were sterilised, after he was sterilised... it happens, bodies are not machines. Nature isn’t exact.

But also people are human and fallible, nobody is perfect not even you op. So I’ve also been supportive of friends who’ve become pregnant from “moments of madness”, forgetting a pill, not realising the antibiotic they were prescribed was contraindicated etc.

Some had abortions, not an option I personally would choose but I was happy to be supportive of their choice to do so and am pro choice generally. If you don’t agree with abortion? Fine don’t have one but it’s not for you to decide what others do.

Following my 1st pregnancy I opted to “double up” by being on the pill and using condoms but then I’m also from the generation that reached age of consent at height of aids crisis and with the ocd I’m quite paranoid about sexual health side of things too. But that’s me and I wouldn’t necessarily expect others to be the same. Given how easily and quickly I got pregnant as soon as I stopped using contraception I think it was the right decision BUT I also think there’s still an element of luck that I didn’t fall pregnant even using 2 types of contraception as I know people that’s happened to as well.

And quite honestly it’s clear the only reason you regret posting your stance on abortion is because you’ve been criticised for it.

The iud (coil) failure rate may be low - but again that’s perfect use and there are many cases of them being improperly fitted etc, the issue there for you is that it’s not the woman’s fault then for it failing but you would have them continue the pregnancy.

Guess you better hope yours was properly fitted eh.

IHaveBrilloHair · 31/10/2019 17:13

First time, on the pill, took it religiously, had been on it for years.
Never wanted to trust the pill again so had a mirena coil fitted, happened again.

Got sterilised after that, 11 years on, no more pregnancies but contraception failures happen, I just got supremely unlucky and it happened twice.

DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 31/10/2019 17:13

I rather agree OP.

Accidents DO happen, they absolutely do! I have a friend (nurse) who got pregnant 6 months into having her implant (99.9% effective contraception)!

However.... this is the exception and NOT the rule! The failure rate of ‘good’ contraception is about 1/1000 (and even then only has a roughly 20% chance of causing a pregnancy) so whilst it does happen it CERTAINLY does not account for the amount of women who claim their pregnancy was ‘accidental’!

The same friend (nurse) encounters women on a daily basis who claim their pregnancy was ‘accidental’ despite; not actually using any contraception- not using it ‘every time’- not using it as instructed AND purposely sabotaging it!

‘There are an alarming amount of women who believe ‘accidental pregnancy’ is any situation in which they/their DP weren’t actively trying to make a baby 😒 regardless of whether they tried to prevent it or not’

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 31/10/2019 17:14

I honestly do wonder how WOMEN say they fell pregnant by accident.

It’s WOMEN that fall pregnant! If you’re going to slabber about women getting pregnant, at least give them the curtesy of identifying their sex.

AllStarBySmashMouth · 31/10/2019 17:14

Also the point OP makes about taking the pill and being sick.

Twice this has happened to me. When you are throwing up constantly you can't take the sodding MAP, and if you've already had sex then condoms won't save you. I didn't get pregnant then, but I could have.

And yeah, I would've had a termination. If my body throws up my contraception, that's not my fault.

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 31/10/2019 17:14

Contraception fails sometimes, so does the MAP... but I firmly believe it’s a womans right to choose whether she continues with a pregnancy or not and she doesn’t need to be made to feel guilty. Threads like this and your initial sharing of opinion could be triggering as some women find their termination very distressing.

Glad you happen to be perfect though OP. Good luck with that.

StartsAtTheMeadow · 31/10/2019 17:15

I was charting my very regular cycle. My ovulation date was off. We had sex.

Same. The due date by scan was 5 days off the due date by dates too, which shows I ovulated much later than usual.

Now use condoms always!

EllenRipley · 31/10/2019 17:15

🤣

and

Biscuit
Captaindaddydog · 31/10/2019 17:15

"I'm 33 years of age and have never fallen pregnant because I've not wanted to fall pregnant."

I hadn't either at that age. Turned out that we couldn't without fertility treatment.

IHaveBrilloHair · 31/10/2019 17:16

Oh, and the first I miscarried at 8 weeks, the second I chose termination.
Still with the same guy as when I had the termination, he supported me through it thought it was completely my choice.
That was 12 years ago.

Ibiza2015 · 31/10/2019 17:17

I'm 33 years of age and have never fallen pregnant because I've not wanted to fall pregnant.

You don’t actually know that’s true do you? You may well not have got pregnant because you’re infertile. Has that never occurred to you? That you’re not being oh so cleverer than other women, you’re just infertile?

I used to think similar to you and thought because I wasn’t falling pregnant it must have been something other woman were getting wrong if they did. Turns out I have PCOS and am infertile. I have 3 lovely children now, I’m very lucky. But I was very, very wrong when I believed the same as you and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

TSSDNCOP · 31/10/2019 17:17

Some good replies thank you. I have the coil fitted too so I'm surprised how many people have fallen pregnant with this in.

Could happen to you too then. Hopefully people will be nice to you when you say it was an accident.

BlouseAndSkirt · 31/10/2019 17:18

And your wide eyed ‘maybe I shouldn’t have included my abortion views’ post shows just how lacking in any empathy, understanding and self reflection you are OP. You have no idea how things seem so judgmental. To link your question to your views....

OBVIOUSLY lots of people get pregnant in the heat of the moment and don’t use contraception. Do you think they should be forced to go through an unwanted pregnancy and parenthood as punishment?

How very fucking moral.

GrapefruitGin · 31/10/2019 17:18

Cue OP creating a new thread in a few months time ‘Help, accidentally fell pregnant’.

Ibiza2015 · 31/10/2019 17:19

The same friend (nurse) encounters women on a daily basis who claim their pregnancy was ‘accidental’ despite; not actually using any contraception- not using it ‘every time’- not using it as instructed AND purposely sabotaging it! *

Why is your friend breaking strict NHS guidelines by gossiping to you about her patients?

KatherineJaneway · 31/10/2019 17:20

Because if something isn't done intentionally then it is, by nature, accidental.

But surely that's what the op wanted? To have people say they lied about being on contraception when their partner didn't want a child because they wanted a baby and they said it must have been an 'accident'.

crispysausagerolls · 31/10/2019 17:20

*Accident rate in real life: 0.3%

Accident rate on MN: 50%*

This. YANBU. A large percentage of people are using incorrectly or just very irresponsible.

LucaFritz · 31/10/2019 17:21

I was infertile for 7yrs was no way it would ever happen without intervention then one night me and my new partner had a bit too much to drink forgot the contraception and 10 weeks later i found out i was pregnant with DS now due in Jan 2020 Grin for me it was a happy accident so i never considered termination as he's my one and only child I'll ever have. I assume since your against terminations you'd be ok with funding all the babies born into poverty because their mothers wouldn't have that choice if it were up to you ? And im sure you've adopted 100s of children by now that have been sent to care homes across the country due to been born into less than perfect circumstances ? If the answer to both those is No then please fall off your high horse and break your neck on the way down cheers Biscuit

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