To not put sweets out for trick or treaters but take DS?

[haveamooch]

I always take DS trick or treating with his cousins. However, it has occurred to me that I'm being quite cheeky by not leaving any sweets for anyone at my own house.

The reason I don't is because my DH doesn't like Halloween at all and refuses to participate in any way, but will tolerate me taking DS.

AIBU, given that my DH won't have sweets put out for other people, or should I just go against him completely and do it anyway? Not really sure I'd be happy to do that since it's his house too

And just to clarify, we only ever visit houses that are decorated for Halloween/clearly look open to trick or treating.

We’re going out trick or treating, I’m leaving a bowl of sweets outside.

Heavens, not a big deal, surely! We usually put sweets out for trick or treat, but as two old women don't go out ourselves, I'm sure it all balances out!

I don't think it is cheeky. We had 5 years of taking... kids going out dressed up and knocking for sweets, the last 10 years we have been answering the door and giving out sweets. Natural progression.

I don't do trick or treating. Have just opened a big tub or Haribo to scoff while the kids aren't looking so that my kids don't feel they are missing out.

We always left sweets out and there were usually one or two left.

In recent years our estate got the reputation for being good for Halloween. We had hundreds one year - not even that may houses in the estate. Didn’t bother after that.

Do your own patch and make sure you give out as much as you take.

I assume you go trick or treating where your dcs' cousins live, so why not bring sweets to their house to hand out, so the same people who are giving your DC sweets will get sweets from you for their DC. That seems fair to me.

I take my kids trick or treating, but don't put any sweets out. I put a bowl out one year and a group of 3 kids took the whole bowl, I know it was them as they were the only ones that had been up to my house in the 15 minutes between me putting the bowl outside and getting my DD ready to go out, so don't bother now. When my kids are older, I will have sweets in for trick or treaters, but now whilst they are young I am out with them so I refuse to put sweets or a pumpkin outside my house.

I ignore any knocks on my door at Hallowe'en - but I don't have any DC (and if I did I wouldn't let them go trick or treating). I think if you're expecting people to entertain your own children trick or treating, you should do your best to reciprocate.

Im off out T &T so wont be in to answer door. We are on a busy main road so hardly get any calls. I buy a bag every year 'in case' then they dont get eaten. Good idea to send that to food bank but will probably give them to neighbouring kids.

Also here no one leaves a bowl out. It would go in a flash. People do get greedy if not watched. I have to police my kids to just take one when the giver is holding the bowl!!

What about those who have done that for years already pre DC? Why is it suddenly cheeky for them to take their kids trick or treating?

@ScreamingCosArgosHaveNoRavens

I'm sure it all balances out!

Not in busy t or t places. But that said I don't want my DC to have as many sweets as we give out anyway 🤣

Yabu
Your dh is happy for his ds to pester the neighbours but doesn't want be pestered himself

but I think you are cheeky to take your kid begging but not leave treats out for others.

^This

I don’t think it’s cheeky. If you’re going to be out anyway - you usually wouldn’t be in to give the sweets out.

And of course it balances out I’m giving sweets out and not out trick or treating - so will my dp’s - it’s not all give to receive

you usually wouldn’t be in to give the sweets out

^^I don't get this tbh. Are you really going to be out trick or treating for the whole time between 6 and 8...?

If so you maybe deserve some kind of endurance medal

Tvstar
Yabu
Your dh is happy for his ds to pester the neighbours but doesn't want be pestered himself
.......
I didn't get the impression the op's husband was happy about it, Tvstar, not at all! In her first post she said he didn't like anything about Halloween. However the op has a say in the matter and he has to accept it - the word used was 'tolerate'. Sometimes it makes sense to compromise and that is what the op and her husband have done. They'll both have a pleasant evening doing their own thing.

@Jellybeansincognito

Because the whole concept of trick or treating is cheeky. 'Give me some sweets/money in return for me notionally refraining to play a trick on you' - I can't understand why anyone thinks it's a good idea. If you want some Hallowe'en fun, why not do apple-bobbing at home?

Very few bowls just left where we are, and those when which are, are usually empty! Most people I know take their primary children out, then as children get older they have sweets ready for the next age group. So...what goes around comes around.

How about just buy some kid’s sweets/funsizes/treats and put them in a food bank collection point? That way no hassle for DH, you aren’t being cheeky by participating but not contributing, and as your neighbours don’t have young kids it means they actually get used.

Or a couple of chocolate advent calendars, so you’re paying it forward for Xmas for some kids that won’t get much.

Brilliant idea from @MangoSalsa !!

Giving out handfuls of sweets to children is only going to rot their teeth.

I’ve taken my children trick/treating for the last few years, & have only come across a tiny number of houses who leave a bowl of sweets out. We do only knock on the doors with a pumpkin though, & they’re usually in.

To be honest, it has never entered my head to leave sweets for other kids calling at my house?

We do live half way up a hill, with no neighbours though, so hardly ever get any callers.

I did buy a few sweets in case anyone comes before we head out tonight. I might leave them outside, would hate to be considered cheeky, although who the hell would know I’ve gone out trick/treating & not just to the pub!

I found we had an older crowd knocking once we got home.
So did both give and take.

I wouldn't want a bowel of anything outside my house.

However, if you leave anything out it surely will vanish with the first visitor so be of no benefit to those that call after.

I'm in the US. My DH always had to work Halloween and where I lived the 'usual protocol' was that parents on their own with very small children (too young to T&T in a 'herd' of kids) took their kids out very early (like 5-6pm-ish) for about half an hour or so and then scooted home to turn on the porch light and hand out treats. Yes, that might disturb some people at supper but either they kept lights out or just answered the door anyway (that's what we did).

You'd never just leave a bowl because someone would empty it.

I don't think you should deprive your DS because your "D"H is a jerk. It's not the child's fault.