To not put sweets out for trick or treaters but take DS?

[haveamooch]

I always take DS trick or treating with his cousins. However, it has occurred to me that I'm being quite cheeky by not leaving any sweets for anyone at my own house.

The reason I don't is because my DH doesn't like Halloween at all and refuses to participate in any way, but will tolerate me taking DS.

AIBU, given that my DH won't have sweets put out for other people, or should I just go against him completely and do it anyway? Not really sure I'd be happy to do that since it's his house too

And just to clarify, we only ever visit houses that are decorated for Halloween/clearly look open to trick or treating.

And you can't force your DH to do something he doesn't want to, as some pp's seem to be suggesting.

He doesn't have to do anything if she puts a bowl of sweets out.

How is it not cheeky taking loads of sweets off people and contributing nothing? It is cheeky/ grabby...!

Surely anyway if you are taking your child with their cousins the most logical thing is to contribute towards their stash particularly if they are in a popular trick or treating area.

It depends why your H is being a joyless prick about this. Does he usually expect you to obey him? Does he have some sort of MH issue that means the ringing doorbell is likely to cause him considerable distress? If that's the case, you need a sign on the door saying No Trick Or Treat.
If it's just that he 'doesn't approve' tough shit - put a bowl out with a sign saying 'please don;t ring, just take one' and tell him to get a grip.

I don't think it matters, havamooch, and as your husband doesn't like Halloween it wouldn't be fair for him to be pushed into being involved. If you haven't got Halloween decs on show, presumably no one will call. If they do he can ignore them.

Does your DH regularly declare it's HIS house not yours OP, and prevent you from having any say? If so you have more to worry about than some sweets

What is his objection? Surely if he objects on any moral grounds your DS shouldn't be trick or treating either?

I would buy sweets and put them out so long as it were affordable etc- hardly difficult to pop to the shop if you are leaving with DS anyway to trick & treat later. The fact you have none at home is a bit moot.

I feel bad this year that were taking the kids trick or treating and not doing it ourselves, but there’s been many years of us doing it for other kids when we didn’t have our own so I suppose it balances out somewhat.

The kids are greedy here, the handfuls some of them were taking last year were just awful. To the point I had to stand handing out a few items to each individual rather than let them put their hand in to pick.
I know if I put sweets out they’d be gone by the first group.

Yes that’s cheeky.
If your dh won’t take part, and won’t open the door to callers, or He won’t take your child, then I don’t think you should take your child.

I don’t really see the problem as long as you’re not going to be out all night? I’m taking my DS out in a couple of hours just for an hour. I won’t be leaving sweets out and will be home by 7 to answer the door to other trick or treaters.

I can’t believe people think it’s cheeky

If hes not going to answer the door anyway it really doesnt matter to him.

Also, if sweets are left out its equally not going to bother him.

Either way, hes being a bit grumpy about the whole thing.

Agreed.

Some people have a good reason not to want to open the door constantly, in which case, it's fine. In your case, your OH sounds like the Halloween version of Scrooge/The Grinch.

How about just buy some kid’s sweets/funsizes/treats and put them in a food bank collection point? That way no hassle for DH, you aren’t being cheeky by participating but not contributing, and as your neighbours don’t have young kids it means they actually get used.

Or a couple of chocolate advent calendars, so you’re paying it forward for Xmas for some kids that won’t get much.

It’s pretty joyless and cheeky - you’re happy for your DS to have a nice evening of entertainment and benefit from the generosity of others which you aren’t prepared to reciprocate yourself. If everyone else was like your DH, your DS wouldn’t have much fun. Unless you live in a terrible neighbourhood, just stick a bag of wrapped sweets out by the front door with a note saying “take one”.

We don’t because no-one comes down our very long dead-end road. I would if I thought anyone would come! Kids have been disappointed in the past when we’re all sweets-at-the-ready and no-one knocks.

But I still take mine out, I don’t think it’s cheeky.

If you leave them out - the first person that comes along will eat the lot

Not necessarily I have left a bowl of sweets out a few times when I’ve had to take my kids out trick or treating and I’ve always come home to quite a few left!

Oh for goodness' sake - it's not remotely cheeky not grabby . Really, some people on here like to sit on the holier-than-thou step just for the fun of it. Halloween isn't about giving and taking - it's a fun event for kids to enjoy. Some people join in, some people don't. It's not OP's fault nor her DS' fault that her DP prefers to opt-out and it certainly doesn't make her grabby 😂. It also doesn't make her DP controlling or unreasonable - as she points out, he will be in and she will be out. For her to insist he leaves out sweets or opens the door to trick or treaters would be just as controlling. Seriously, it's a non-issue.

*nor

I don't even have kids and find this cheeky. Just leave the bowl

I can’t believe people think it’s cheeky

So what exactly do you understand by the understand by the word 'cheeky' 🤷🏻‍♀️🤔

Wandering round taking off others while contributing nothing is exactly the definition I have. If no one goes to your house then maybe offer some stuff to a friend who is somewhere busy rather than give nothing at all.

Years ago I once had a party at me be for Halloween people were . I got everyone to bring sweets (we had like 10 boxes) and gave all of it away 😂😂.

My ex was like your DH....miserable about Halloween (and Xmas and basically anything that might be fun).

Kids and I would have done the pumpkin and maybe chucked a bit of fake cobweb out the front and then gone Trick or Treating.

I'd have to remove the pumpkin from the window so no one would knock while we were out as I knew he wouldn't answer.
I live in a small village so most kids know our house. I was embarrassed to think my friends knew ex was too miserable to answer the door so just pretended he was out.

I think if you're going out earlier rather than later then leaving sweets out should be fine as it will be kids with parents.

Otherwise do as PPs say and put something in the foodbank for Xmas. Our local one arranges a party for local families so there's a good opportunity there.

camber I doubt you live where I do, I am not holier than thou in any bloody way believe me.

Trick or treating wouldn’t be much fun for your DC if everyone took the same view as you!

Every year we leave a pumpkin out with a bowl of sweets that we top up at some point. Our DC are older now and I’m too lazy to keep getting up to answer the door so they help themselves.

Never had an issue with them all being taken, in fact we usually have a few left over 😊

Yeah it’s pretty shitty really to not at least leave a bowl out.

Quite honestly I don’t think you have any intention of putting sweets out anyway so I’m not sure why you did a thread in the first place? Maybe you thought you’d get everyone saying how it’s fine to beg sweets if others but not give anything in return 🤷‍♀️

Let’s hope nobody bothers to give your ds sweets and then maybe you might develop a bit of empathy.

If you leave a bowl out then he doesn’t have to listen to the door going every two minutes. And the majority of kids aren’t so horrible that they’ll take the lot. I tried that one year and there’s loads of kids by me, yet there were still a few sweets left in the bowl at the end of the night

Seems a bit tight.

Your expecting others to provide your child with an evening of sweet collecting fun but Can’t even gives a few bags of sweets out yourself.

Hopefully others aren’t so tight or your child is in for a disappointing night...

It's not grabby at all. I used to take my kids trick or treating but didn't give any out as we obviously weren't at home to do that. When the kids got older and went by themselves I started giving sweets out and still do now mine are grown up so I think it's just swings and roundabouts.