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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To enjoy living in flat with children?

147 replies

Kate9210 · 31/10/2019 10:47

I'm getting a lot of negative comments about living in a flat with 2 children.
Friends and colleagues and mums at baby groups are all expressing 'concern' about me not having 'a proper house' now that we have children.
It's really pi**ing me off.
My husband and I, our toddler and our baby live in a huge flat.
It's a converted Georgian double fronted house.
There are 2 flats on the ground floor and 2 on the first floor.
We live on the ground floor.
We have our own entrance.
We have our own private front garden and a massive south facing back garden filled with grass, trees, shrubs and flowers, and big shed. Absolutely nothing overlooks us, the back of our flat looks out and leads out on to our garden and all we see is that, plus trees and sky.
The flat is full of original features and has very high ceilings.
Our lounge has three 3 seater sofas, a desk and a large wide sideboard, and still there is masses of room for my toddler and his friends to play in with all his toys. It has a big bay window which floods the room with light. We have a 12 light chandelier hanging from the high ceiling. The view is of our front garden and trees.
Our kitchen is big, and easily sits our large dining table. I love nothing more than coming home from a day out, in the summer, with the kitchen windows and door open on to the back garden whilst my toddler potters in and out, and I watch him in the garden whilst I cook.
We have 2 big double bedrooms. A nice bathroom with a big window in it.
And a big long hallway where all the rooms lead off from, which has a walk in cupboard next to our front door where we keep the pram.
In the summer we constantly have friends round for BBQs.
2 min walk from our front door and we are on the beach.
On a windy day we hear the waves of the sea from our garden.
We are surrounded by big green parks.
15 min drive and we're in the countryside.
Our flat is in a quiet road and surrounding residential area, yet nearby it has nice cafes and restaurants.
We literally never hear our neighbours above or next to us; the soundproofing between the 2 floors is excellent and the walls between 2 flats next to each other are extra thick solid brick walls.
My neighbours in the other 3 flats have each lived here for over 10 years, are all working professionals, and all love my children, invite us round so they can see the children, they give them Christmas presents and tell me they are lovely children, so there is no issue with neighbours.
My children are not noisy, so I never worry about sound issues.
I just absolutely love, love, love where we live and have no reason to move!
Houses in our area cost close to a million pounds, so we can't afford to buy one.
So what I want to know is, why the negative comments from people? Why are people asking us "WHEN are you going to buy a house??". It is relentless. Friends have sat me down and seriously said "when will you buy a house? You need to buy a house!". Colleagues have said, when I've taken new baby in to visit, "oh I do feel for you, it must be so hard living in a flat with children". Family have made sympathetic faces when I've said we have no plans to move.
Yet we are so happy here!
So why the negative comments? Do people look down on children being brought up in flats?!
I don't care what people think of me, but I do care what they think of my children. Will people feel sorry for them growing up in a flat?? Is it considered substantial in some way??
I couldn't bear it if people felt like this about my children!
AIBU to enjoy living in a flat with children? Is this selfish of me?!

OP posts:
drivingtofrance · 31/10/2019 10:51

Sounds lovely. I'd like to live in your flat.

Perhaps the other people have a vision of a poky, dark, high rise with no private outdoor space or peace?

Just smile and nod. Then go home and enjoy your flat.

youwillbepk · 31/10/2019 10:51

Your home sounds lovely and I think it's an advantage having everything n one floor. If you and your children are happy don't worry about anyone else.

Grasspigeons · 31/10/2019 10:52

It sounds lovely.
I associate flats with no garden and i value outdoor space but once you said ' garden' id be thinking thats sounds perfect.

Kate9210 · 31/10/2019 10:52

(I should add, the reason I've described my flat in such detail is to illustrate that we live in a beautiful very big flat, with rooms and garden that are by far bigger than the rooms/garden of a house we would buy for the equivalent value.)

OP posts:
ThisThat · 31/10/2019 10:56

Wtf is wrong with people? Not that it's anyone else's business, but your home sounds amazing! I wouldn't even call it a flat, sounds more like a luxury apartment. I don't see what a house would give you that you don't have other than stairs to vacuum!! Don't mind them at all.
We're in a small flat, with 1 toddler and a baby on the way. There's a ton of other families in our block and we're perfectly happy. I find there's actually a lot of advantages, not having to go up and down stairs carrying the kids, can do the housework and let them toddle around after me, can be in the other room playing rather than on a different floor etc

JoJoSM2 · 31/10/2019 10:57

Have your friends been to your flat? It sounds quite unusual. Most flats aren’t very big or have a large private garden. I do feel sorry for children in flats but yours sounds an exception.

SleepingStandingUp · 31/10/2019 10:57

I think those who haven't visited are imagining a small, dark high rise full of knife crime. Tel lthem you don't intend to move from our large converted Georgian apartment by the sea because, frankly, you won't find a house any nicer.

For those who have visited, simply at them incredulously and ask why you'd want to move from your beautiful home?

People can be very weird about kids sharing a Room

Morgan12 · 31/10/2019 10:58

I think it sounds beautiful!

Lottieskeeper · 31/10/2019 10:58

Your flat sounds absolutely amazing! And the perfect place to raise children.
It's not what springs to mind when I hear the word flat though; I imagine small, maybe high rise & no garden.

DarlingNikita · 31/10/2019 10:58

I do feel sorry for children in flats Hmm

People have got some fucking weird ideas, OP. Tell them to mind their own business and stop wanging on about houses, it's boring now.

crosspelican · 31/10/2019 10:59

This drove my parents demented when I was a child, to the extent that they sold our gorgeous huge flat in a lovely part of the city, and moved us to a hideous new build in the suburbs where I was miserable so that we could have a garden. Because being close to all the gorgeous parks in our lovely city wasn't good enough for my grandparents, apparently.

Bluerussian · 31/10/2019 11:00

I think your place sounds wonderful, Kate. Pay no attention to your friends! If they ever come round to yours they will see how good it is, others may have the idea you are in a little 'box', but they'd be wrong.

flowersring · 31/10/2019 11:01

I would understand it a bit more if you didn't have a garden but even still it's very odd!

But then I live with my children in an apartment without a garden... it's not as though they don't get to go outside!

EleanorShellstrop100 · 31/10/2019 11:01

My mum used to constantly bitch about my school friends who lived in flats - she really believed she was superior to everyone who lived in a flat purely because she lived in a house. It drove me absolutely crazy and total nonsense and I’m sure it was down to her own insecurity. Could your friends be feeling insecure or jealous and so be having a dig to make themselves feel better?!

64sNewName · 31/10/2019 11:02

I live in a city where many families live in flats, some stunningly beautiful and others less so. Lots of traditional properties etc., rather like yours. Flats vary in niceness just as much as houses do. I am a contented flat dweller myself, with dc.

Have never heard of anyone getting comments like the ones you describe. Most odd. You must know lots of rather rude/blunt people.

I think you must be aware, unless you live in a very, very small bubble, that living in a stunning period flat in a desirable area is fine - better than fine - and of course won’t cause your children to suffer. Some families live in poverty, fgs.

Yanbu to love your home, but I think your OP is pretty disingenuous.

SunniDay · 31/10/2019 11:05

Your flat sounds lovely. Your child won't break a bone falling downstairs like mine did. Only issue I can see is if you want the kids to have their own bedrooms in future - although the living room sounds big enough that you might be able to stud wall off a small bedroom.

People can have quite a narrow view of what we should all be doing, projecting their own aspirations and assume that yours are the same.

On a micro level I like our little house/happy with our little kitchen etc the way it is (and was when we moved in) and on occasion people have seemed taken aback that I don't want to spend my time/money/energy changing vinyl flooring for x, y or z or swapping perfectly fine but cheaper kitchen units for posher units in grey/real wood worktops etc. If the house is comfortable and serves it's purpose I'd rather spend our money on the kids/family time.

Nonnymum · 31/10/2019 11:05

It sounds amazing and a lot bigger than some houses. Have these people actually been to your home?
Just ignore them or say you have plenty of space, a nice garden, privacy and don't see what you would have in a house that you already have. It's quite common for people in other parts of Europe to live in flats.

EleanorShellstrop100 · 31/10/2019 11:06

Also, in my hometown we only have flats that are like yours - people either have shitty new build houses or live in beautiful Victorian/Georgian houses or flats. So my mum was all smug about our shitty characterless new build while the people she was criticizing had beautiful, high-ceilinged, spacious flats like yours. Some people are ridiculous.

breakfastpizza · 31/10/2019 11:07

Your flat sounds unusual in its features so I can see why people would be curious about raising kids in a flat. Saying that, it's pretty rude to repeatedly insist you buy a house! I'd just smile and say something like, "Are you kidding? Our flat is a stunning! We'd be crazy to give it up!'.

spanglydangly · 31/10/2019 11:07

OMG it sounds amazing! I'd love that, all on one level, easy for the children.

Tell them to buggar off,

Simkin · 31/10/2019 11:10

I don't feel sorry for kids in flats. I'm starting to feel sorry for myself in my poky terrace nowhere near the sea after that description though.

IdblowJonSnow · 31/10/2019 11:11

Sounds amazing. Your 'friends' are either stupid or jeal. Wtf are they even commenting?
I think we have a skewed view of flats in this country perhaps from the poky bedsit days. In Europe, in the cities, almost everyone lives in flats!
Just ignore the silly sods or tell them to mind their own...

TheFaerieQueene · 31/10/2019 11:11

We want to see a photo now. It sounds charming.

cushioncovers · 31/10/2019 11:11

You live in a house that's been converted into flats. That's completely different to living in a tower block of flats.

Toddlerteaplease · 31/10/2019 11:12

Your lounge sounds bigger than my entire house. You lucky thing!