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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To enjoy living in flat with children?

147 replies

Kate9210 · 31/10/2019 10:47

I'm getting a lot of negative comments about living in a flat with 2 children.
Friends and colleagues and mums at baby groups are all expressing 'concern' about me not having 'a proper house' now that we have children.
It's really pi**ing me off.
My husband and I, our toddler and our baby live in a huge flat.
It's a converted Georgian double fronted house.
There are 2 flats on the ground floor and 2 on the first floor.
We live on the ground floor.
We have our own entrance.
We have our own private front garden and a massive south facing back garden filled with grass, trees, shrubs and flowers, and big shed. Absolutely nothing overlooks us, the back of our flat looks out and leads out on to our garden and all we see is that, plus trees and sky.
The flat is full of original features and has very high ceilings.
Our lounge has three 3 seater sofas, a desk and a large wide sideboard, and still there is masses of room for my toddler and his friends to play in with all his toys. It has a big bay window which floods the room with light. We have a 12 light chandelier hanging from the high ceiling. The view is of our front garden and trees.
Our kitchen is big, and easily sits our large dining table. I love nothing more than coming home from a day out, in the summer, with the kitchen windows and door open on to the back garden whilst my toddler potters in and out, and I watch him in the garden whilst I cook.
We have 2 big double bedrooms. A nice bathroom with a big window in it.
And a big long hallway where all the rooms lead off from, which has a walk in cupboard next to our front door where we keep the pram.
In the summer we constantly have friends round for BBQs.
2 min walk from our front door and we are on the beach.
On a windy day we hear the waves of the sea from our garden.
We are surrounded by big green parks.
15 min drive and we're in the countryside.
Our flat is in a quiet road and surrounding residential area, yet nearby it has nice cafes and restaurants.
We literally never hear our neighbours above or next to us; the soundproofing between the 2 floors is excellent and the walls between 2 flats next to each other are extra thick solid brick walls.
My neighbours in the other 3 flats have each lived here for over 10 years, are all working professionals, and all love my children, invite us round so they can see the children, they give them Christmas presents and tell me they are lovely children, so there is no issue with neighbours.
My children are not noisy, so I never worry about sound issues.
I just absolutely love, love, love where we live and have no reason to move!
Houses in our area cost close to a million pounds, so we can't afford to buy one.
So what I want to know is, why the negative comments from people? Why are people asking us "WHEN are you going to buy a house??". It is relentless. Friends have sat me down and seriously said "when will you buy a house? You need to buy a house!". Colleagues have said, when I've taken new baby in to visit, "oh I do feel for you, it must be so hard living in a flat with children". Family have made sympathetic faces when I've said we have no plans to move.
Yet we are so happy here!
So why the negative comments? Do people look down on children being brought up in flats?!
I don't care what people think of me, but I do care what they think of my children. Will people feel sorry for them growing up in a flat?? Is it considered substantial in some way??
I couldn't bear it if people felt like this about my children!
AIBU to enjoy living in a flat with children? Is this selfish of me?!

OP posts:
timshelthechoice · 31/10/2019 11:41

YANBU. We lived in a bungalow when our children were very young and it was blissful to have everything all on one level.

SleepingStandingUp · 31/10/2019 11:41

Surely many people live in flats with children? yes but seemingly only the ones we look down on and pity

SoyDora · 31/10/2019 11:42

The OP hasn’t said she doesn’t own the flat has she? Just that she can’t afford to buy a house in the same area?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 31/10/2019 11:42

Have them round for a play date. That'll shut them up.

We had a large 2bed gf flat with 2dc. It was perfect! We've upsized for extra bedrooms and again gone for a flat. I love flats.

CuteOrangeElephant · 31/10/2019 11:44

I love my flat (though technically it's a maisonette because we have two floors).

The dimensions are so much bigger than any house we could have afforded in this village.

StaggeringOn · 31/10/2019 11:48

Your flat sounds lovely, OP. Being on the ground floor means that it’s a very versatile space. Ideal for children, but also very accessible as you get older.

scoobydoo1971 · 31/10/2019 11:48

Flats are the main type of dwelling in many European cities and regions. I would feel sorry for children being raised in homelessness or temporary housing...not in a flat. A stable secure home of any sort is desirable for happy family life. I live in a bungalow with kids, on a road by the seaside mainly populated by elderly folk who prefer no-stairs. I also prefer no-stairs due to health issues, but we have a glorious garden with sea-views and I have no desire to swap for a house. Lets face it, many older style flats and bungalows have more floor space than the new build houses. Don't worry about what other people say, as long as you are happy where you are.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 31/10/2019 11:55

Sounds lovely OP

As PPs have stated though its vastly different to a tower block . I lived in a council masionette for 12 years and it was roomy, it has to be said. When I swapped to a house I did miss my large living room and kitchen but gained a front and back garden and being far closer to aminities.

BertieBotts · 31/10/2019 11:55

YANBU, I love living in a flat, even a high rise. It is a concrete monstrosity from the outside but we get a fantastic view and it's very spacious.

CouldBeAGreatMum · 31/10/2019 11:56

You flat sounds amazing! Can I buy it?

Oh, and stop caring what anyone else thinks. They are snobs and wrong to say that to you. I presume, as you are by the sea this is not London - do your friends not realise that most people in London live in flats? It's not possible for thousands of people to afford a house, and if they can, often the houses provide a much smaller footprint and less convenience than a flat. It's completely normal to live in a flat as a family! And yours sounds special indeed.

icannotremember · 31/10/2019 11:56

I have acquaintances (and a mother) who think that because we live in a small terrace with a concrete yard and don't have a spare bedroom and a dining kitchen and a garden with grass in it, our children are frightfully deprived. People are very weird, op, your home sounds lovely.

PooWillyBumBum · 31/10/2019 11:57

It's child abuse bringing up kids in a flat.

Why don't we swap? I have a cramped Victorian semi with no parking, no front garden and not enough room to swing a cat. I'll take your depressing flat by the beach off your hands :D

krustykittens · 31/10/2019 11:58

OP, smile and wave. You sound very happy and content. You love where you live. You won't have to stretch your finances to move. Life is good. Just do a little zen smile when people try to 'pity' you over your flat. That will drive them crazy!

Celehelly · 31/10/2019 12:00

I grew up in a flat. A huge Glasgow tenement flat in the West End that's worth a bloody fortune now. I had a huge bedroom and there was a park next door. Don't feel sorry for me Grin

Dandelion1993 · 31/10/2019 12:01

I get the same thing.

We live in a flat and yes, our DDs share a room but the actual living space is bigger than what some of their houses have!

My friends house has living room about the same size as my bathroom with barely room for her sofa whereas mine has a 3 pc suit, the girls toys and still room to play.

Flat doesn't mean small!

orangeteal · 31/10/2019 12:02

Sounds really nice, and is probably bigger than my new build 3 bed semi!

Bear2014 · 31/10/2019 12:04

Sounds amazing! I live in Zone 2 of London, most of our friends with kids would kill for your home. We have a house but it's little, most houses only have a tiny garden, and most flats have no private garden. Who cares what people think?!

MinTheMinx · 31/10/2019 12:09

Why would anyone feel sorry for children in flats? Homeless children, yes. Seriously some people need to get a grip.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 31/10/2019 12:10

Your friends and colleagues are weird for making these comments. I can't imagine commenting on where someone I know lives, in a negative way. It would be more understandable if you didn't have access to a garden, as many people see this as a 'must have', especially with children. That would still be none of their business though.

Your home sounds lovely, if you're happy there, that's all that matters

Kate9210 · 31/10/2019 12:10

No no it really isn't a bragging thread!
No, I feel really lucky to live where we live! To me it's gorgeous. And that is precisely why I don't understand why some people are being down on it because it's not a house. And it's precisely that that's pi**ing me off, the fact our home is beautiful yet still we're being looked down on somehow for being in a flat.
No we're not loaded!
We bought it a long time ago before property prices went through the roof.

OP posts:
UnfamousPoster · 31/10/2019 12:11

When I met my DP I mentioned that I used to have a flat and he was a bit snobby about it, compared to the fact that he had a house. I "happened" to find the estate agents details from when I sold it that showed a) it was twice the price of his house; and b) that it was also twice the size of his house. He's (wisely) not mentioned it since, so has hopefully realised he was being a snob unnecessarily.

Your flat sounds amazing OP. If you bought a terraced house as close to the sea as you are, for example, chances are you'd spend more money, have a house with less space and just the same amount of adjoining neighbours as you do now.

If these friends haven't seen your flat I could possibly understand the comment given people's preconceptions about the size of flats but if it's people that have actually visited your home, then they're either nuts or jealous that you've got a bigger/better home than they do.

mynameiscalypso · 31/10/2019 12:15

I can't imagine not living in a flat - especially now I have a baby. Why would I want to spend my life going up and down stairs? Our block has a porter too so there's always someone to take in deliveries and we have a very comprehensive CCTV and security system. We have a balcony and then there's a large communal garden (plus other kids for DS to play with when he's older). I really don't get why I'd ever want to move to a house!

LonginesPrime · 31/10/2019 12:15

Get better friends.

Although, I'm sorry OP - I get why you described your flat but I had to laugh at We have a 12 light chandelier hanging from the high ceiling...because kids love chandeliers! Grin

Kate9210 · 31/10/2019 12:17

To add context, we do live in a very affluent area. The mums at playgroup arrive in range rovers. There are no other flats around us, they're all houses costing close to a million. And as for my friends, they comment that yes it's a nice flat, but it's still a flat, and tell me we need a house.
Not all my friends, as I said, some aren't even mentioning it, but some are, enough to be rattling me and making me feel we're doing something wrong!Sad

OP posts:
MonChatEstMagnifique · 31/10/2019 12:23

And that is precisely why I don't understand why some people are being down on it because it's not a house. And it's precisely that that's piing me off, the fact our home is beautiful yet still we're being looked down on somehow for being in a flat.

They're snobs. Simple as that. True friends wouldn't care even if your home wasn't 'beautiful'. I think you should re think who you're mixing with.