To enjoy living in flat with children?

[Kate9210]

I'm getting a lot of negative comments about living in a flat with 2 children.
Friends and colleagues and mums at baby groups are all expressing 'concern' about me not having 'a proper house' now that we have children.
It's really pi**ing me off.
My husband and I, our toddler and our baby live in a huge flat.
It's a converted Georgian double fronted house.
There are 2 flats on the ground floor and 2 on the first floor.
We live on the ground floor.
We have our own entrance.
We have our own private front garden and a massive south facing back garden filled with grass, trees, shrubs and flowers, and big shed. Absolutely nothing overlooks us, the back of our flat looks out and leads out on to our garden and all we see is that, plus trees and sky.
The flat is full of original features and has very high ceilings.
Our lounge has three 3 seater sofas, a desk and a large wide sideboard, and still there is masses of room for my toddler and his friends to play in with all his toys. It has a big bay window which floods the room with light. We have a 12 light chandelier hanging from the high ceiling. The view is of our front garden and trees.
Our kitchen is big, and easily sits our large dining table. I love nothing more than coming home from a day out, in the summer, with the kitchen windows and door open on to the back garden whilst my toddler potters in and out, and I watch him in the garden whilst I cook.
We have 2 big double bedrooms. A nice bathroom with a big window in it.
And a big long hallway where all the rooms lead off from, which has a walk in cupboard next to our front door where we keep the pram.
In the summer we constantly have friends round for BBQs.
2 min walk from our front door and we are on the beach.
On a windy day we hear the waves of the sea from our garden.
We are surrounded by big green parks.
15 min drive and we're in the countryside.
Our flat is in a quiet road and surrounding residential area, yet nearby it has nice cafes and restaurants.
We literally never hear our neighbours above or next to us; the soundproofing between the 2 floors is excellent and the walls between 2 flats next to each other are extra thick solid brick walls.
My neighbours in the other 3 flats have each lived here for over 10 years, are all working professionals, and all love my children, invite us round so they can see the children, they give them Christmas presents and tell me they are lovely children, so there is no issue with neighbours.
My children are not noisy, so I never worry about sound issues.
I just absolutely love, love, love where we live and have no reason to move!
Houses in our area cost close to a million pounds, so we can't afford to buy one.
So what I want to know is, why the negative comments from people? Why are people asking us "WHEN are you going to buy a house??". It is relentless. Friends have sat me down and seriously said "when will you buy a house? You need to buy a house!". Colleagues have said, when I've taken new baby in to visit, "oh I do feel for you, it must be so hard living in a flat with children". Family have made sympathetic faces when I've said we have no plans to move.
Yet we are so happy here!
So why the negative comments? Do people look down on children being brought up in flats?!
I don't care what people think of me, but I do care what they think of my children. Will people feel sorry for them growing up in a flat?? Is it considered substantial in some way??
I couldn't bear it if people felt like this about my children!
AIBU to enjoy living in a flat with children? Is this selfish of me?!

No, no, no, of course I don't think anyone living in a high rise flat is living in squalor, absolutely 100% not, simply because it isn't true!
No. I'm simply saying some of my friends are being so critical it's as though THEY see us as living in a substandard home purely cos it's a flat despite the fact it's absolutely lovely.

If you have a terraced house you have 2 shared walls

Your flat is basically the same - except one of the walls is the ceiling.

Sounds fab to me.

Kate9210

Fair enough, I obviously took it the wrong way. Apologies.

You need to either get rid of these people from your life or learn to ignore them. They don't have to live there, they seem overly invested in your housing situation which I find very weird.

LonginesPrime
No I wasn't agreeing!
But I was silent. I suppose she could've misinterpreted my silence.
But I was so shocked that I went in to silence! I literally couldn't speak!
But that's just one of the latest in a long line of examples.

Until you said you owned I wondered if that was more what they meant and that you were renting now.

I'm confused now then. Without a garden I could maybe see a point. But your flat sounds gorgeous, better than my small house! I fail to see how a set of stairs to climb brings so much to the party?

Would they be more comfortable if it was a bungalow?

64sNewName
Well the validation I'm looking for us that I'm questioning whether people look down on us being a family in a flat, and I'm asking whether my children will be seen in a poor light.
Yes I am asking for validation that we're doing the right thing for our children by staying in our flat.
I don't need validation that about the flat itself being lived in, but about it being lived in by a family.
I am not being disingenuous.
I wouldn't waste my own time or other posters time by being disingenuous.
Other posters have agreed they get this too, so I'm reassured to hear it's not just me.
1 of my friends is very snobby indeed, it's true. She was raised in a mansion and is the process of massively extending her already enormous 5 bed house because the 4 of them 'need more space'.
The other friends who've commented, they are not snobby or particularly wealthy, but they do have very clear, conservative views that children should be raised in a house, not a flat.

Your friends are rude and snobbish.

I live in a capital city of a Scandinavian country. Approximately 70% of the population in the city (and that includes families live in apartments). I don't think anyone misses out on having a garden as we're surrounded by lots of green spaces.

OK, I am sorry for calling you disingenuous.

Clearly these comments from your friends/family are misguided, though. It does seem really surprising to me that you are even slightly concerned they could be right. You must be able to see that it’s lovely for your children to live in such a beautiful home.

You are an adult and you can presumably see beyond your own community, your own circumstances - obviously many, many families live in homes less delightful than yours, and are still totally fine.

It does sound like you might need to widen your circle of friends to include kinder people with a stronger grip on reality. There’s so much to worry about as a parent without giving mental space to pure snobbery. Trust your instincts about what works for your family.

Your home sounds beautiful. I feel like some people have status anxiety over silly things like their home being technically a house rather than a flat. It reminds me of the expression, 'comparison is the thief of joy' I think it is, I live in a flat & so do many of my friends with children. We live in London, we all live on top of one another here and houses are very expensive!

I don't understand - they surely can't actually be friends, or people that know you very well, otherwise they'd know where you live ie they would have seen it, or know the area.

And how does it even come up? If people ask me where I live I tell the road I'm in, I never say it's a mid terrace (unless I need to for some reason).

Are you actually saying that now you have children people you know very well are saying you should move somewhere else?

It wouldnt matter if it was the huge converted house "flat" you've just described or a small flat on the 5th floor of a tower block people just simply need to mind their own business

It sounds as if you need to change your friends, not where you live.

I'm confused now then. Without a garden I could maybe see a point. But your flat sounds gorgeous, better than my small house! I fail to see how a set of stairs to climb brings so much to the party?
*
Would they be more comfortable if it was a bungalow?*

This is what I was thinking.

You have your own entrance and private garden....so what exactly is it that you don't have that you would have in a house?

Anyway, apart from the fact that your home sounds beautiful, the set up with the neighbours sounds ideal. No chance would I even consider giving that up due to the odd (and irrelevant) opinions of friends.

OP, your initial post seems to be written in bullet points - without the bullet point marks. It makes it difficult to read.

I live in a flat, as is entirely normal in the country I live in, and I would agree that the British are weirdly obsessed with living in houses. Many people in the uk would be better off in large flats rather than tiny pokey houses! Our flat sounds smaller than your OP but the small size means that we can afford a cleaner every week and easily keep it clean and tidy in between. Putting our dd to bed is easy and getting to her when she wakes is also easy and we were able to use a changing unit in her room without going upstairs and that has been brilliant for my not great knees, ankles and back! We have a lovely balcony with a gorgeous view over both the city and a forest park and we have a shared area with swings and a climbing frame created by the wonderful community in our building. I love living amongst people and I think our only child really benefits from this as well. To get a house we'd need to move out of the city, run a car and I'd spend hours and hours each week commuting to work and my dc would spend hours getting her to appointments and activities and I just don't believe the trade off to be worth it. We currently live in the best area of our city with great amenities around us, countryside on our doorstep but the city centre is only 6 minutes on the frequent bus that runs 24 hours a day! However, my British family have the exact same attitude as the OP's friends and are always asking us when we are buying a house. I just laugh and tell them when they are prepared to buy us a house in the city centre so that we can still be mortgage free as we are now!!! Sometimes you just have to not give a rat's ass about what other people think is best

Not all UK houses are. “pokey”.

I have never, ever lived in a house.

Until eight we lived in one room, we then lived in a flat we shared with another family, when I wad about 11 we moved into a flat of our own above a shop.

I live in a top floor flat in a converted ex industrial building in North London, it’s fairly small, but it’s lovely and someone would have to drag me away kicking and screaming to get me to sell it. Plus I would need at least a million to buy a house in the same area.

My great Aunt lived in a flat much like yours in South Norwood and visiting her is one of my most vivid childhood memories, her flat was huge with all the original period features, it was stunning and I can only dream of having a home like that. Your children are not missing out on anything, try to let all the negativity go over your head.
A lot of people I know can’t understand why I choose to live in a 1900’s wooden house on stilts (stilts because of flooding risk, it’s a stones throw away from the beach) I love my home and couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.

Sounds like a nice flat, the only thing I would say is that you think your kids are quiet, do your neighbours? I lived in flats at that age and spent the whole time keeping them quiet. Once I could afford it I bought a detached house

It just goes to show that some people are incapable of understanding that other people may choose to live in different ways. If your friends are this concerned over your flat I dread to think how ignorant they are about other things!

I don’t think living in a flat is an issue. I do think it’s unwise to rent a gorgeous flat rather than buy an average house. I think you will regret not buying in the future. You are being quite short sighted in your decisions.

I think you will regret not buying in the future

The OP has already said that they own the flat
You've just proved the point in a way though, there seems to be an attitude that flats are for renting and houses for owning...I can't understand it at all.

I and loads of others grew up in a flat, not a huge one either, we're fine. We went to the park and play and it's a bit of a norm for many people I know, having your own house not necessarily.

What exactly do you think your kids are missing out on?

What validation do you need 🙄

Who the hell cares, dump the friends, go sit down on one of your 3 sofas of choice and have a cuppa.

Phoebesfleas, can you say (even vaguely) where you live? It sounds wonderful!