To enjoy living in flat with children?

[Kate9210]

I'm getting a lot of negative comments about living in a flat with 2 children.
Friends and colleagues and mums at baby groups are all expressing 'concern' about me not having 'a proper house' now that we have children.
It's really pi**ing me off.
My husband and I, our toddler and our baby live in a huge flat.
It's a converted Georgian double fronted house.
There are 2 flats on the ground floor and 2 on the first floor.
We live on the ground floor.
We have our own entrance.
We have our own private front garden and a massive south facing back garden filled with grass, trees, shrubs and flowers, and big shed. Absolutely nothing overlooks us, the back of our flat looks out and leads out on to our garden and all we see is that, plus trees and sky.
The flat is full of original features and has very high ceilings.
Our lounge has three 3 seater sofas, a desk and a large wide sideboard, and still there is masses of room for my toddler and his friends to play in with all his toys. It has a big bay window which floods the room with light. We have a 12 light chandelier hanging from the high ceiling. The view is of our front garden and trees.
Our kitchen is big, and easily sits our large dining table. I love nothing more than coming home from a day out, in the summer, with the kitchen windows and door open on to the back garden whilst my toddler potters in and out, and I watch him in the garden whilst I cook.
We have 2 big double bedrooms. A nice bathroom with a big window in it.
And a big long hallway where all the rooms lead off from, which has a walk in cupboard next to our front door where we keep the pram.
In the summer we constantly have friends round for BBQs.
2 min walk from our front door and we are on the beach.
On a windy day we hear the waves of the sea from our garden.
We are surrounded by big green parks.
15 min drive and we're in the countryside.
Our flat is in a quiet road and surrounding residential area, yet nearby it has nice cafes and restaurants.
We literally never hear our neighbours above or next to us; the soundproofing between the 2 floors is excellent and the walls between 2 flats next to each other are extra thick solid brick walls.
My neighbours in the other 3 flats have each lived here for over 10 years, are all working professionals, and all love my children, invite us round so they can see the children, they give them Christmas presents and tell me they are lovely children, so there is no issue with neighbours.
My children are not noisy, so I never worry about sound issues.
I just absolutely love, love, love where we live and have no reason to move!
Houses in our area cost close to a million pounds, so we can't afford to buy one.
So what I want to know is, why the negative comments from people? Why are people asking us "WHEN are you going to buy a house??". It is relentless. Friends have sat me down and seriously said "when will you buy a house? You need to buy a house!". Colleagues have said, when I've taken new baby in to visit, "oh I do feel for you, it must be so hard living in a flat with children". Family have made sympathetic faces when I've said we have no plans to move.
Yet we are so happy here!
So why the negative comments? Do people look down on children being brought up in flats?!
I don't care what people think of me, but I do care what they think of my children. Will people feel sorry for them growing up in a flat?? Is it considered substantial in some way??
I couldn't bear it if people felt like this about my children!
AIBU to enjoy living in a flat with children? Is this selfish of me?!

British people are just house obsessed unfortunately. The ‘typical’ family home in Germany for 2 professionals plus kids is a 2-bed flat in a purpose built block, with no garden.

I hear where you’re coming from OP and agree with lots of pps.

I was brought up in a flat in Northern Europe where it’s the norm, was very sporty and played out with friends a lot, we didn’t have a garden it was a classic block of flats type flat. Moved to London years later into a converted Georgian house with huge rooms just as you describe, overlooking a beautiful garden with mature trees etc but moved as we couldn’t afford it’s hefty asking price so bought a bloody pokey house! Enjoy it.

I understand the OP’s position perfectly (and am quite jealous!). But I live in a purpose built apartment building in a very popular, very fashionable, extremely expensive area. For the price of a small two bedroom flat in our building, if you move a mile in any direction you can get a three bedroom house with a private garden, in a still perfectly nice, popular family area. And yet there are several families with two or three kids in our building. It’s not school catchment area, because the kids all go to private school. I just do not get why people choose to be overcrowded for the sake of a mile.

They are waiting for you to say those four magic words..

We live in a similar sounding flat in central London, and have had the same attitude from friends and family. Our flat is a lot larger than some of their houses. I don’t see the issue. Houses near us are about £2 million, so we’d never be able to afford one.

It sounds amazing and much nicer than many “proper houses”

Didn’t bother reading your OP, I could tell from the start of your post the problem isn’t your home it’s your friends.

I think you actually need to practice some comments that will just just shut down those types of conversations. Your friends are being incredibly rude and condescending, telling you how you should be living. I live in a house that sounds much smaller than your flat but people wouldn't dream of telling me I need something better/bigger.

I would tell them clearly that you are sick of these conversations, that you all love where you live and are perfectly happy. That you will not uproot your family because of other people's judgements and opinions.

I grew up in a top floor flat in south London. Had a very happy childhood. Being brought up in a flat made no difference to me. It was "home".

Do you rent this flat, OP?

Your flat sounds amazing OP. Don't listen to them. Your friends are trying to exert a bit of snobbery I think.

I live in a flat with a 4yr old and a baby, 2 bed. It's nowhere near as glamourous as yours, but I do get some looks when I say I live in a flat. We too are 2 mins walk to a beach and large park and 5 mins from the heart of a seaside town with restaurants, museums and lots of free events in the summer, and also 15 mins to the countryside. I don't have a garden, but I have a small terrace with gorgeous sea views. The flat is tight for space - nowhere near as big as yours - and can be overwhelming at times, but while the kids are young we will manage. I like being on one floor too.

We have at least 4 other families with 2 dc in our block and all have 2 bed flats, so it can't be that bad. With house prices so ridiculous, raising kids in flats is the new normal. I keep thinking about moving, but I do like it here and I can't bring myself to move.

When I was young, my mum's pokey 3 bed house seemed huge. It's probably similar for my kids. I think your friends need to look at the conditions a lot of kids around the world grow up in. They sound spectacularly out of touch with reality.

Is this a stealth boast OP?

You’re lucky not to be able to hear your neighbours - I think that’s quite unusual in a flat.

Hi OP

I left my lovely flat and bought a house mostly because that's what I thought I was supposed to do especially after DC 2 was born. Hated it for 4 years then moved back to nice flat. Do what makes you happy but I understand the social pressures. Living in a flat is wonderful and easier with children having done both house and flat. Most people don't get it and the conveniences e.g. DC can walk to us in the living at night if they need to, no time spent maintaining a garden so for us more quality time together. If you are happy then ignore your friends.

One of my best pals is from a European capital and its like the done thing there to get a swish flat in the center of the city, a sign of success. It’s a bit weird the obsession with a house, bedroom each and a garden here. It’s not like kids need stairs to develop properly?

We live in a flat with two children, your ' friends ' sound very snobby

Sounds perfect you have a garden and plenty of space which is why people normally want a house instead of a flat plus you have the benefit of not having to worry about stairs

It's very British to look down on flats. In many European countries its completely normal to raise a family in a flat. My husband grew up in a flat but it was bigger than any house I've lived in. Just tell them how large and spacious it is and how much you love it.

I live in a house with 2 children and would give it up in heartbeat for what you have!

How is your set up any different than a bungalow - I wonder if your friends would have the same issue if you lived in a bungalow. Sounds like the only thing you don't have is stairs which is no great loss!

We are in a high rise council block. No private outdoor space. No bedroom for me. We are ok though! Fortunately we are happy because no one else gives a shit.

Next time you get such a comment you just need to give them the look and say why on earth would we leave our beautiful flat just to live in a house? Then change the subject. Water off a duck's back and all that.

I have to admit I took your post to be a massive bragging session but seem to be with the minority in that view so will go with the majority!

You need to have an arsenal of lines to shut down that line of conversation. I’d be tempted to turn it back on them and ask them to explain what they think a house could offer that your flat can’t, as it doesn’t sound like it would add anything. Act puzzled and get them to explain their reasoning. Or just tell them it works for your family and unless they’re proposing to subsidise the increased mortgage payments on a house, they don’t get a say on where you live.

Stealthboast