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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To enjoy living in flat with children?

147 replies

Kate9210 · 31/10/2019 10:47

I'm getting a lot of negative comments about living in a flat with 2 children.
Friends and colleagues and mums at baby groups are all expressing 'concern' about me not having 'a proper house' now that we have children.
It's really pi**ing me off.
My husband and I, our toddler and our baby live in a huge flat.
It's a converted Georgian double fronted house.
There are 2 flats on the ground floor and 2 on the first floor.
We live on the ground floor.
We have our own entrance.
We have our own private front garden and a massive south facing back garden filled with grass, trees, shrubs and flowers, and big shed. Absolutely nothing overlooks us, the back of our flat looks out and leads out on to our garden and all we see is that, plus trees and sky.
The flat is full of original features and has very high ceilings.
Our lounge has three 3 seater sofas, a desk and a large wide sideboard, and still there is masses of room for my toddler and his friends to play in with all his toys. It has a big bay window which floods the room with light. We have a 12 light chandelier hanging from the high ceiling. The view is of our front garden and trees.
Our kitchen is big, and easily sits our large dining table. I love nothing more than coming home from a day out, in the summer, with the kitchen windows and door open on to the back garden whilst my toddler potters in and out, and I watch him in the garden whilst I cook.
We have 2 big double bedrooms. A nice bathroom with a big window in it.
And a big long hallway where all the rooms lead off from, which has a walk in cupboard next to our front door where we keep the pram.
In the summer we constantly have friends round for BBQs.
2 min walk from our front door and we are on the beach.
On a windy day we hear the waves of the sea from our garden.
We are surrounded by big green parks.
15 min drive and we're in the countryside.
Our flat is in a quiet road and surrounding residential area, yet nearby it has nice cafes and restaurants.
We literally never hear our neighbours above or next to us; the soundproofing between the 2 floors is excellent and the walls between 2 flats next to each other are extra thick solid brick walls.
My neighbours in the other 3 flats have each lived here for over 10 years, are all working professionals, and all love my children, invite us round so they can see the children, they give them Christmas presents and tell me they are lovely children, so there is no issue with neighbours.
My children are not noisy, so I never worry about sound issues.
I just absolutely love, love, love where we live and have no reason to move!
Houses in our area cost close to a million pounds, so we can't afford to buy one.
So what I want to know is, why the negative comments from people? Why are people asking us "WHEN are you going to buy a house??". It is relentless. Friends have sat me down and seriously said "when will you buy a house? You need to buy a house!". Colleagues have said, when I've taken new baby in to visit, "oh I do feel for you, it must be so hard living in a flat with children". Family have made sympathetic faces when I've said we have no plans to move.
Yet we are so happy here!
So why the negative comments? Do people look down on children being brought up in flats?!
I don't care what people think of me, but I do care what they think of my children. Will people feel sorry for them growing up in a flat?? Is it considered substantial in some way??
I couldn't bear it if people felt like this about my children!
AIBU to enjoy living in a flat with children? Is this selfish of me?!

OP posts:
JoanieCash · 31/10/2019 11:13

Sounds wonderful. We live in central London, in What’s sounds a far smaller flat but also with direct garden access to a massive garden (an acre). I’ve noticed the comments too, but have recently realised they dont come from local friends (who live in a wide variety of flats/houses) but more often from friends who moved out to the naice big house. I always smile, don’t respond and ask “how’s the commute, must be awful?” With sane sympathetic head tilt.

Kate9210 · 31/10/2019 11:16

Yes, these are friends who have been round often!!
Admittedly the colleagues and baby group mums haven't been round. I'm really getting sick of the pitying.
Not ALL my friends, but some, a lot, are saying this.
My husband and I are in our late 30s (pushing 40) and it has occurred to me that perhaps this is adding to people's perception? That we should be in a 'proper' house by our age??
64sNewName I'm sorry but why exactly do I sound disingenuous?Hmm

OP posts:
Kate9210 · 31/10/2019 11:18

Yes JoanieCash, these are all friends living out either in the suburbs or in little exclusive (expensive) villages.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 31/10/2019 11:19

That's completely different to living in a tower block of flats.
Is it so dreadful for children to live in tower blocks too? That just sounds snobbish.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 31/10/2019 11:20

Are you loaded OP? Some people think you should always have as big a property as you can possibly afford. They don’t understand that others prefer one that is big enough but leaves spare cash to enjoy life.

jay55 · 31/10/2019 11:20

Your home sounds gorgeous and a great place for kids.

I live in a high rise block, and my neighbours have a toddler, and I don't think his life is lacking for a garden, or stairs, he gets outside play at nursery and a fab view at home, where the cranes and diggers provide him endless entertainment that he happily chatters about in the lift.

Maybe you need less judgemental friends.

NoSauce · 31/10/2019 11:20

Is this a brag thread? Grin I mean how could anyone think your living accommodation is a concern?
You’re hardly living in some run down high rise are you!

jay55 · 31/10/2019 11:21

Your home sounds gorgeous and a great place for kids.

I live in a high rise block, and my neighbours have a toddler, and I don't think his life is lacking for a garden, or stairs, he gets outside play at nursery and a fab view at home, where the cranes and diggers provide him endless entertainment that he happily chatters about in the lift.

Maybe you need less judgemental friends.

Kate9210 · 31/10/2019 11:21

As for the colleagues and mums at playgroup, I don't know where they live as I don't ask them! Maybe in the houses we're surrounded by that we can't afford to buy!Grin

OP posts:
8by8 · 31/10/2019 11:22

We live in a flat and have only once had a negative comment about how children should be in houses. I think I laughed incredulously, said our flat is much bigger and had much more outside space than any of the houses in our area, and they backed down really quickly.

It’s honestly odd that you’re getting so many comments.

Next time just tell them your flat is massive and has a big garden so there’s no way you’re moving. Or tell them “well it works for us” in a breezy way if you don’t want to get into it.
But we’ve been in flats with children for 5 years now and only had one comment, so this is quite odd.

mistermagpie · 31/10/2019 11:24

It sounds gorgeous! I live in a house with two kids and your flat sounds both bigger and nicer.

Cam77 · 31/10/2019 11:24

They sound weird and parochial. Probably more kids around the world are brought up in apartments than “proper houses”. Even more so given that your home sounds so nice and even have a private garden and access to loads of parks. Those people sound judgmenta, conceited and just plain weird. What’s it to them? Stay well away!

BikeRunSki · 31/10/2019 11:27

Your flat -appartnevt - sounds lovely. Very much like the mansion flat in Victoria (London) family friends had when I was a child. DM was very envious, as she was always running up and down stairs with a child who needed a wee. We lived in a4 storey house with 2 toilets and 4 Dc.

Alicia9999 · 31/10/2019 11:30

It's a strange British thing where flats are only for young couples or single people living together. A load of rubbish - here in Spain most families live in apartments, houses are rare!

NoSauce · 31/10/2019 11:31

I don’t understand this. Your flat is big enough with lots of space, on the ground floor and lovely outside areas. Why would anyone be concerned because all the rooms were on one level? Confused

DarlingNikita · 31/10/2019 11:32

Alicia9999, yes, it is a particularly British thing, I think, that you're not a 'grown-up' unless/until you have a house. It's odd.

Bakeo · 31/10/2019 11:32

Start looking for a house and bore them daily with tales of surveying problems, solicitors being slow and gazumping. They'll soon lose interest in where you live.

People are weird. I suspect jealousy from those who have seen your flat and ignorance from the others.

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda · 31/10/2019 11:36

Well it sounds amazing an ignore those with their pitying looks!

I’ve lived in a large house and I’ve lived in a large flat. Both were ace! a poky house or flat is whole different thing to something which is large and spacious.

Op stay put Smile

bengalcat · 31/10/2019 11:36

Nothing wrong with flats - ive not upgraded either . Never felt the need to . Live in a nice area with all I want on ‘ the doorstep ‘ . Also on the ground floor with garden .

Lahlahfizzyfizzydoda · 31/10/2019 11:36

And ignore (I meant to say....dam autocorrect)

SoyDora · 31/10/2019 11:36

Surely many people live in flats with children? I can’t believe this is something people are commenting on.

NotQuiteUsual · 31/10/2019 11:37

I miss our beautiful flat, DD regularly asks if we can leave our 'proper' house and move back to the flat. Flats are awesome.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 31/10/2019 11:37

I'd give them the budget you have for your house (whether bought or rented) and tell them to find you an equivalent 'house' for the money, in your area, and see what they can come up with. I'd be surprised if they get close to anything like what you currently have.

Waveysnail · 31/10/2019 11:39

Is it more about the obsession with buying a property than being in a flat?

HUZZAH212 · 31/10/2019 11:40

Tell them you don't have a million pounds - job done.

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