To say sod it and actually go and help children who need it!!

[SimpleSaying1]

I run a Beaver scout group. When it started there was a great understanding from parents that this was a community thing and parents regularly volunteered and helped out. I was involved as my kids both went through and then I stayed on. As it has grown it has become a really popular and active group, with a big waiting list. But the generation of parents who grew it with me have moved on and it has left this really entitled and difficult bunch of parents who seem to think it is a service they are paying for and have no involvement. I struggle week on week to have enough leaders. The only person who really helps is my son who I helped start it for his peers and is now older!! This week I cancelled an event because after asking numerous times no one would help and I didn't have safe ratios. The ONLY comments I got were angry at me for messing up childcare planning and parents demanding part of their subs back because the session didn't run that week!!! I'm a good scout leader, I do a lot for the kids and I love it but even they seem to have a different attitude now. The area has become increasingly wealthy and I feel more and more that I'm providing after-school childcare rather than a meaningful activity that enriches children's lives. In another local town which is really much more deprived they are starting another group, they've got lots of parents volunteers and need an experienced leader. I am so, so tempted to jack it in with the group I've got (it would only carry on if a parent then picked it up) and go and work with this other group?

I would go to the other group.

Our scout group have a parent rota system, and if you can’t make your session you are asked to find a replacement (we have Facebook page so people will ask on there).

We struggle to find people who can commit to the time needed to be a leader, but luckily most parents are willing to give up one evening every couple of terms.

However, we also get the parents who demand a refund if a session has been cancelled. I think a lot of parents forget it is a charity.

We understand that some parents can’t help with the weekly rota but would then ask if they can help in some other way.

I used to be the default parent who would help if no other parents could on a particular evening to ensure ratios were met.

We had a similar problem. My DH volunteered to run training for a local team on Sunday mornings but quickly found that parents just used it as free childcare. They would drop their DC off and leave and despite requests to help in the clubhouse, wash kit or organise fundraising events no one would ever give up their time in return. They weren't Interested in how their child was progressing or whether they were even enjoying it, a lot didn't because it was cold and wet! There was no sense of community, just a sense of entitlement and convenience. Some parents would even be up to 45 mins late to collect their DC as they were enjoying Sunday roast at the local pub!
You have every right to leave and you should politely highlight the reasons why.

I think a lot of people do see Beavers etc as cheap childcare whereas actually it is more a community group and therefore as parents you make up part of that community and should be involved.

Yanbu
However, consider that they may have had no idea that help was needed. You set it up and you knew but what tells them it’s different from, say, a paid after school sports club?
I had no idea when my dd joined Rainbows and then help was requested. It was really difficult for me to even occasionally provide help because what was I supposed to do with my other (ASD) child who really desperately needed me after a day at school. Had I known, I would not have signed her up. I am quite sure they think they’ve paid for a service. How do they know otherwise?

I also like MardyLardy's note. The other group sound great and a much better community spirit.

Scout and Guide leaders are wonderful

Well, not all of them, to be fair. DS went to a local group but was bored to tears as they spent most of the time playing football, which he wasn't interested in. We finally gave up on it when the leaders started a torrid affair with his best friend's father

Also, I think you have made a value judgement of these people and the people from the other group.

Have you considered the community spirit is better when people are less busy? Perhaps the more financially deprived children are actually a lot richer in terms of actually seeing their parents and having that family and community spirit.

And perhaps the people you consider rich are working and basically feel dead? My h works a “9-5” office job. He arrives home very late every night and works weekends. My kids are deprived of him, although we do as a consequence have money for clubs. And I have to do absolutely everything. Both me and dh are knackered off our faces permanently and can’t see the way out.

Something tells me that volunteering isn't for Lovemenorca either

Move on. I've had to do something similar lately. No regrets.

I think it is quite sad that some parents don’t even think about offering their services in some way, even if there isn’t a parent rota, and just see it as a drop and run form of childcare. Surely, for the price of the subs you pay and the activities your children are doing you must realise that the groups are relying on the help and goodwill of a number of people.

My kids do —too fucking many— a lot of extra curriculars.

Once you’ve seen a few things you start to get a feel for the different types:-

Some are a business. They usually cost £6 - £30 per hour, have a professional (ie paid) coach / leader and you can leave the kids. Organisation, dates and paperwork are usually sorted in advance. There will be a website with lots of info on. They often want you to buy “extras” at some horrific price. If the groups get full then new groups are often put on.

Some are a club / charity. They cost £5 or less per hour, there is nearly always a huge need for more volunteers (and the same three people helping out), the coach almost certainly started out as someone’s parent although that child may now be 6 foot 2 and a parent himself, there is often a nice community feel, communication goes on via WhatsUp group or Facebook rather than a posh website, if the groups are full then there will be a waiting list.

The interesting thing is that (at least in sport - my kids are sport rather than dramatic or musical) the level of coaching you get and the amount of effort put in by the coaches is not impacted by whether it is a business or a charity.

Guiding / Scouting is firmly in the second group.

I would not blame you if you stopped this group and joined the other one.

Our Rainsbows is also struggling with volunteers and although I could offer the odd evening I really do not have the inclination to do it regularly - it's not my vocation.

That said, when our Rainbows closes I would have nothing but total understanding for the leaders.

But most people are busy and have other responsibilities - some people just make it work, because that's what makes society thrive.

I volunteer on the weekend at a sports group, I sit on the management board of my DCs school, I am a trustee for a national charity, I mentor girls hoping to go into business.

I also work long hours, my boss is based in the US so I frequently work a day at the office and then get on the laptop after 8pm. DH works, we have 4 DC. Life is busy and I'm tired. I get people don't want to volunteer but pretending it's because they're "too busy" is a cop out for the vast majority.

You'd rather be sat at home watching shit on TV. Which is fine but own it and don't kid yourself that the rest of us can volunteer because we'd otherwise be sat in our arses

All the beaver and cubs group in our borough expect parents to help on a rota - it works out at an evening every 3 months. Parents have lots of notice and others will help out with child care for the duration of the session. It is a well off borough but this doesn't prevent it working well.

I would move to the other group and tell the parents why you are doing so. Good luck and thank you for having that motivation to help the community.

I’m not saying anyone should put up with abuse, I certainly wouldn’t, but I don’t get why you should expect help from the parents to do something that you have chosen to do know that your giving up your time for free? Its nice if people offer but you sound like you expect it.

And this ^ is why the scouts/brownies/guide movements are dying out.

Why shouldn't a volunteer be able to expect a parent to occasionally do something that benefits their child?

OP isn't asking every parent to go every week - just that two or three come occasionally to ensure that there are enough adults to keep the children safe for particular activities.

Hell's bells. Talk about entitled.

OP - go to the other group. Go now, today and don't look back. You aren't valued or appreciated. You don't need to be treated like a doormat.

The new group will be thrilled t have you, especially with you experience in leading and supporting children's groups.

Have a wonderful time with your new "colony"!

Go where you'll be appreciated. You can help the new group get established and train up your replacements.
No voluntary positions should cause you so much grief and negative headspace.

Some parents would even be up to 45 mins late to collect their DC as they were enjoying Sunday roast at the local pub!

That is disgraceful Juicy0. Absolutely shocking!

My DC go to Cubs/Beavers. I don’t use it as childcare, I’m not in work that late but I equally wouldn’t want to volunteer my time to help out. Sorry, I just have other children and a household to run plus sometimes essays to mark too.

It doesn’t make me a lazy entitled parent. I pay for them to go, I bought the expensive uniform too. I just don’t want to spend my evening doing that.

I wonder how many of those entitled parents will be supporting their children in the Remembrance Day parade next weekend. I always think it is sad when parents drop and run for that. Expect their child to be part of the community but can’t be bothered to be part of it themselves.

YANBU. I was in a very similar position and while I loved my role as a leader it increasingly became a thankless task.

Honestly I think this is a no brainer, you tried the rotas and appeals for help. Go help out ppl that need it and are willing. From the sounds of it they can well afford childcare to substitute it. Unfortunate for the children involved but it's a life lesson too.

Something tells me that volunteering isn't for Lovemenorca either

Yep, got that right.

Single working parent.
I signed up my son and no where was it said that parent volunteering was expected.
Had this been the case, I would not have signed him up because I would have known that volunteering wasn’t possible for me at the current time and situation.

YADNBU, I'd move and give half a term's notice to allow parents the chance to step up and take over (they probably won't). I think these sort of groups (like toddler groups and PTA) rely mostly on parents with kids attending running them for a few years and then handing them over to the next wave of parents which is good because new people bring new ideas, new activities etc. It's a community group not a child-minding service.

DD has gone through rainbows, brownies and now at Guides and is a brownie helper. The brownie group is basically run by one lady and her teenage daughter because understandably the other owls who joined when their dds were attending have now left (their kids are now late teens) and no parents have stepped up. And the group has a long waiting list.

My DD is only 13 but they've said without her they'd struggle to run the group (obviously she can't be included in the ratios but she does help a lot with setting up, helping the younger ones, doing washing up etc.) Brown Owl has asked if parents will help out once a term but DD tells me that no-one ever does. When DD was a brownie (and they had 4 owls) I used to go and help when they needed a pair of hands (as did other parents) for things like nature walks and when 1 owl was away etc but this crop of parents don't seem to. As a result the activities are always in the hall and involve stuff where very close supervision isn't so important.

I’d move on! Go and volunteer somewhere they might actually appreciate you.

This group is full of useless parents that think you are some kind of cheap childcare, they can’t be bothered to get involved and help. They were told at the start parent volunteering was needed, they still signed the dc up they are cheeky fuckers. If they aren’t prepared to do there bit then no more group 🤷🏻‍♀️