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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say sod it and actually go and help children who need it!!

234 replies

SimpleSaying1 · 31/10/2019 08:40

I run a Beaver scout group. When it started there was a great understanding from parents that this was a community thing and parents regularly volunteered and helped out. I was involved as my kids both went through and then I stayed on. As it has grown it has become a really popular and active group, with a big waiting list. But the generation of parents who grew it with me have moved on and it has left this really entitled and difficult bunch of parents who seem to think it is a service they are paying for and have no involvement. I struggle week on week to have enough leaders. The only person who really helps is my son who I helped start it for his peers and is now older!! This week I cancelled an event because after asking numerous times no one would help and I didn't have safe ratios. The ONLY comments I got were angry at me for messing up childcare planning and parents demanding part of their subs back because the session didn't run that week!!! I'm a good scout leader, I do a lot for the kids and I love it but even they seem to have a different attitude now. The area has become increasingly wealthy and I feel more and more that I'm providing after-school childcare rather than a meaningful activity that enriches children's lives. In another local town which is really much more deprived they are starting another group, they've got lots of parents volunteers and need an experienced leader. I am so, so tempted to jack it in with the group I've got (it would only carry on if a parent then picked it up) and go and work with this other group?

OP posts:
WrongKindOfFace · 31/10/2019 08:59

Yeah, stuff it, go and help the other group.

I must admit I don’t help with weekly sessions (but they haven’t asked for years) but will help with trips/activities if asked. I’m never rude or entitled though! And I pay subs on time and don’t ask for them back if it’s cancelled.

dimsum123 · 31/10/2019 09:00

When my DCs were at scouts there was a parent rota at the beginning of each term. We're in a nice area but there was never a shortage of parent helpers and my DD also helped when she was older.

It's a shame for your group if you leave but the parents have brought it on themselves.

GymSloth · 31/10/2019 09:00

Our Beavers group has a condition that parents must sign up to help for one session a term. Would something like this help?

Otherwise, I don't blame you at all for leaving. I'm astonished at how little some parents appreciate the fact that scout/brownie/guide leaders are all volunteers!

LoyaltyBonus · 31/10/2019 09:04

Absolutely yes, go and work with the deprived kids. I'm a paid employee in a school (so not the same thing at all) but find it's the same. In schools in affluent areas you can never do enough but despite the social problems faced by families in deprived areas, they are generally so much more decent/likeable.

Plus the children you're currently working with have all the advantages money can buy anyway, in the poorer area some of them won't get to do any enrichment activities without organisations like Scouts.

gingerbiscuits · 31/10/2019 09:04

Go!!! Without an iota of guilt & tell them why, too. Both my husband & I have been where you are, with our local Beavers/Cubs/Scouts group - it's very demanding on your time, you get paid NOTHING & the subs barely cover the hire of the premises & all the resources/fees for the activities. If the parents are completely disengaged on top of that, it's bloody hard work & often impossible/illegal to do things safely. You've more than done your time & owe them nothing. If no-one is willing to help you, then that's that. Not your fault or your problem. You have no obligation to continue.

Sewrainbow · 31/10/2019 09:05

Because jaynetheplane you are happy to reap the benefits of your child attending. You aren't paying for a qualified childcare.

People don't realise how much is involved in volunteering every week and it isn't just the session time its everything else.

weymouthswanderingmermaid · 31/10/2019 09:05

@cordeliaflynne @Sewrainbow

That's not what @Jaynetheplane is implying. When I signed my kids up to cubs, if I had been told that there was a certain level of parental involvement expected, above and beyond running stalls at the summer fayre etc, I would have reconsidered the decision. Non of the scouting groups around my area, plus the groups i was involved in as a child / teen, expected regular parental involvement. They are all drop and go. This doesn't mean we don't appreciate the hard work done by those that take the leadership positions, and understand that it's voluntary, but our decision to take an active role or not is a personal choice, not an expectation.

My DC's are involved in various sports teams run on the same basis. We pay, coaches volunteer. I'm not taking advantage of the coaches. DH has tried to alter his working hours so that he can become more involved, but he just hasn't been able to. But again, when we signed up, it was on a "drop and leave" agreement. We aren't being CF's!

Rainatnight · 31/10/2019 09:05

Definitely move. Think about where you can make the biggest impact for kids - it’s obviously in the other area.

titchy · 31/10/2019 09:06

Agree OP - definitely move groups. Incidentally when I ran a group I used to send round the parent rota with the programme. If people couldn't make the date I'd allocated they either swapped between themselves or I arranged a swap.

But parents were aware from the off that we needed them to do one session a term, or help in some other meaningful way if they couldn't manage that.

DownToTheSeaAgain · 31/10/2019 09:07

I'd switch. As an ex scout leader too much of my time was spent chasing help for sessions/trips and that was in the context of all parents agreeing to help twice a term as condition of joining. Also rudeness is unacceptable whether you are a volunteer or not.

LoyaltyBonus · 31/10/2019 09:07

Although FWIW I do think that increasingly, parents in affluent areas genuinely have no time. Presumably Beavers is fairly early in the evening, when working parents aren't home, especially in commuter belt areas?

At the very affluent area infant school I worked at they had a history of significant numbers of SAHP giving a lot of volunteer time, now only families with two professional incomes can afford to live there and parents are simply not available during the day.

amy85 · 31/10/2019 09:07

I wish my boys cub leaders' were as lovely as you! My eldest has been there a year and earnt one badge! And last week the cub leader said to him "you are 10 and a half now you should be in scouts" then just walked off no communication to me about it so now my eldest refuses to go or consider moving up to scouts....youngest has been there for 9 months and got zero badges he likes to go because his two best friends go so I use it as a bit of free childcare really

senua · 31/10/2019 09:08

Go!!! Without an iota of guilt & tell them why, too.
I know that it is tempting but don't do this. It will be a case of 'shoot the messenger'. OP still has to live in this community after she has slagged them off!

Get District involved. Make it their decision to close.

Jaynetheplane · 31/10/2019 09:09

I’ve never been told I need to participate, they always say parents are welcome but I’ve never stayed on to help, if I was told I was expected to then I would have chosen a different club.

Original poster
SimpleSaying1 · 31/10/2019 09:10

Just want to add here when people say parents can't help because say maybe they work full time - I work full time in a very demanding job, I also run another community organisation, and have children of my own etc. I volunteer because I genuinely believe in what I do and that it helps the children. But it is a volunteer/ community involvement thing and parents need to help out. We've had parent rotas but more often than not the parent doesn't turn up or cancels last minute. One of the mum's who got really angry last time was annoyed because I provide her 'childcare' for free, whilst she does yoga down the hall!!! She was cross I cancelled because she had to miss yoga!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 31/10/2019 09:10

One session a term is nothing in terms of helping out. Anyone who thinks the subs should entitle them to some sort of free childcare situation is a knob.

Jaynetheplane · 31/10/2019 09:11

And I’m aware that brownies are volunteers but it’s their choose to give yo their time for free, no one is forcing them.

Jaynetheplane · 31/10/2019 09:12

Grr auto correct!

Original poster
SimpleSaying1 · 31/10/2019 09:12

And re the subs, that barely covers the hall etc - I buy most the materials out of my own pocket - again I don't mind when it feels like I'm actually doing some good but right now I am feeling very disheartened!!

OP posts:
Sunshine93 · 31/10/2019 09:13

At my son's beavers the schedule used to include a named child whose parent would help that session. We would see when we were supposed to be helping and if it didn't suit we had to arrange to swap amongst ourselves or through the leader of that wasn't possible. Could you introduce this and if it doesn't work then jack it in, explaining why.

MoobaaMoobaa · 31/10/2019 09:14

Just go and send what MardyLardy wrote.

Or if you really want to, in a last ditch effort try setting up a parent Rota as other areas have. Our local beavers/cubs did it, there were a few grumbles but faced with having no beavers/cubs at all, parents suddenly managed to do 1 or 2 nights per term.

Taraswell · 31/10/2019 09:14

Definately go to the other group!

Original poster
SimpleSaying1 · 31/10/2019 09:14

@Jaynetheplane - you are right no one is forcing us, but civil society relies on people like me to think of others, and to give up our time freely to help others, it's people like you that stop me feeling that way!!

OP posts:
Sunshine93 · 31/10/2019 09:14

Sorry I missed your update about parent rotas. Just give up then.

Span1elsRock · 31/10/2019 09:14

Give your time and energy to those who appreciate it.