To say sod it and actually go and help children who need it!!

[SimpleSaying1]

I run a Beaver scout group. When it started there was a great understanding from parents that this was a community thing and parents regularly volunteered and helped out. I was involved as my kids both went through and then I stayed on. As it has grown it has become a really popular and active group, with a big waiting list. But the generation of parents who grew it with me have moved on and it has left this really entitled and difficult bunch of parents who seem to think it is a service they are paying for and have no involvement. I struggle week on week to have enough leaders. The only person who really helps is my son who I helped start it for his peers and is now older!! This week I cancelled an event because after asking numerous times no one would help and I didn't have safe ratios. The ONLY comments I got were angry at me for messing up childcare planning and parents demanding part of their subs back because the session didn't run that week!!! I'm a good scout leader, I do a lot for the kids and I love it but even they seem to have a different attitude now. The area has become increasingly wealthy and I feel more and more that I'm providing after-school childcare rather than a meaningful activity that enriches children's lives. In another local town which is really much more deprived they are starting another group, they've got lots of parents volunteers and need an experienced leader. I am so, so tempted to jack it in with the group I've got (it would only carry on if a parent then picked it up) and go and work with this other group?

Jayne,

Communities rely on people helping out, it is not just about paying ‘service providers’ to do your bidding. Otherwise you end up with gated communities and servants bussed in daily. Is that the world you really want your children growing up in?

These clubs rely on volunteers and thus can charge affordable fees, rather than economic fees, which would make them unavailable to all but high earners.

I am curious as to whether you also see your children’s teachers as ‘service providers’ who you can just berate at parent evenings if your children are not doing as well as you feel they should be. It is hard to have your attitude and not pass it to your children.

Of course, not everyone has the time or needs to volunteer but it does need to be a community of the willing where those that do put themselves out are fully appreciated.

OP, close it down and go elsewhere with no regrets. Let the cheapskates pay a market rate for their childcare from now on.

I volunteer for a couple of things and I would rather see someone who gives up their time, money and energy feeling appreciated somewhere than lose their interest and enthusiasm in the whole project. Go to the other group. Better to have a volunteer somewhere than no volunteer at all.

OP, it sounds like you have lost enjoyment in it because of the lack of parental support.

I think contributing to the new group could be potentially life changing for the children.

My children have all been involved in sports and activities where 90% of parents drop and run. Even very young children of 5 and 6 dropped to rugby without a parent there if they got a knock.

One week my son's group of 10 year olds were all dropped off at the club despite us having to go to another club for an away match.

The parents all just assumed another parent would bring their child.

Match was cancelled and coach informed all parents to not to bother returning with their child next week without a parent staying.

It resulted in a compromise, the parents set up a rota among themselves so that 6 parents were there to assist the coaches and children etc.for every session.

Self interest is a great motivator!

Could have written similar. These lessons are so hard. I have just stepped down as a volunteer with a community group - they have yet to experience how much work it will be to keep it going and I hope they succeed! No-one wants things to fail but when people don't pitch in, it's very difficult. Even more so when you feel taken for granted. Like you I am a parent (single) and I have a full time job so if I volunteer my time I want others to benefit but I also want to feel a personal benefit and this group, for me, have taken my time and effort for granted.

I can only speak for myself.

In my volunteering I run myself into the ground.

There are a handful of really unpleasant people I have to interact with say five. They use up my life force. They are outside group. Nasty comments, spiteful remarks, they just emanate it.

I want out but a lot of people are going to be upset if I go. I would never disclose my true reason for going as I don’t wish to upset anybody.

It seems a common problem.

YANBU to move to the other group. Parents should be grateful that you give up your time for this group. They definitely should not be complaining if you have to cancel a session or event if they're not willing to help and you are short of staff.

However, I think you are expecting too much from parents if you think they should want to help out. Most parents see groups like Beavers as just an after school activity, they want to drop their child off, pay and leave. That's how I seen it and I don't think I'm an entitled person as you say. Some may be too busy to help, others just don't want to. You don't have to volunteer but if you do, you can't expect everyone to think like you.

That's sad to read. What a shame.
I live in an area where there are lots of entitled people (hopefully I'm not one). My dd goes to brownies and gets loads out of it. I'm so appreciative of the owls.
Having said that I ignore the occasional requests for help, I'm shy and not great with other kids and my Dd would hate me to be there. She finds me embarrassing these days!
The parents sound awful though and yanbu for wanting to move on.

Move, and politely tell them why.

Some of the replies on here show where those parent's attitudes comes from - to them you're the "do-gooder" sucker who has chosen to run the group, so it's all on you.

I understand that peope work more, but most of them are dropping their kids off, so have presumably finished. I work full-time. I have taken 2 days off for half-term, hence on MN!). I still manage to run a very large charitable fireworks display, and volunteer at my children's sports clubs. Many, if not most parents could help the OP, (we're probably talking ONE evening a year each in a large group!), they just don't want to.

It is a shame , people don’t realise the commitment that goes into running these groups, there’s a lot of time spent planning activities, it’s not a case of leaders just turning up on the day.

YANBU

As a volunteer myself I hear you although I don't do scouts. I pretty much gave up volunteering in children type activities for the same reason!

Ok my son is on a Beaver waiting list and I had NO idea parents were expected to help out. Thanks for starting this thread OP, I'll be watching with interest...

Having said that, we only ask for extra help if we are going out. We are fortunate to have enough leaders to run our usual sessions. After all the children get to I know the leaders week After week. Is they a way of getting more actual leaders?

I think this applies to a lot of volunteer groups. My DB coaches at a football club. The pitch was flooded ,so match had to be cancelled.He met parents at drop off and explained the situation. One woman said " But I have a hair appointment !" She suggested that the child just hang out and practice
goals.
With my DB as his minder.

simple, I used to be a beaver leader and I walked away after some abuse from an entitled parent.

I tried everything on rotas - nothing worked and there were always 101 excuses about why parents couldn't help, younger children being the favourite (my assistant leader and I had a 2x 3yos and a newborn between us, who attended without issues).

Parents who assume that they can dump and run, that we are paid, I even had one who asked if we could change the time of the meeting to accommodate her child's swimming lessons.

I even received a call from a nearby school trying to get me to take an out of area child and allow him to jump the substantial waiting list, because he was a challenging child and the experience would do him good.

I would help set up the new one, implementing the parent rota from the beginning. I fear, however, that parents will continue to take the piss because they feel its a club that they pay for, (albeit a nominal fee) and so they do feel entitled.

I am genuinely so grateful for volunteers - thank you

However, it is utterly unreasonable of you to expect others to do the same. If the group can’t run without more volunteers, then it will have to close but that is not the fault of parents who sign up their child, pay the subs and make no commitment in any way to be involved.

When my DC attended cubs there was a parent rota and all parents had to help out once or twice a term. I think this works better than asking for volunteers on an ad hoc basis, as it makes the expectation clear from the start.

They will absolute cack themselves when you tell them it’s closing. I’ve run groups like this and the behavior in the wealthy areas of the kids is always way worse also

I'd move. It's people with attitudes exactly the same as jaynethepain that is the reason.
You'll get more satisfaction helping those that really benefit as well.

If, when signing up and paying the subs the parent was required to make a commitment to volunteer - then yes, you would feel right to be peed off. But there is no such requirement. Nothing.

So a parent signing up their child to beavers shouldn’t feel obliged to volunteer

Can you ask district to see if neighbouring groups can lend you a leader?

Rather than packing it in straight away I would call an EGM and explain exactly as you have done so here.

Explain that you will be asking for and expecting additional assistance and that fees are for the overall membership and stress the volunteer nature.

If you don't get the support required then probably est to cease and join the other group.

Otherwise you end up with gated communities and servants bussed in daily. Is that the world you really want your children growing up in?

I think Jayne and her ilk would be quite happy with that!

Leave for the other group - without hesitation.

I was a group leader for a while - it was thankless.

The week I received a "formal letter of complaint" because for two consecutive weeks we'd done an activity involving unhealthy food choices (cookie baking followed by cupcake decorating) I quit.

I worked FT, had 4 DC, left work early to accommodate the activity, paid about £200 per term out of pocket for craft/activity items, was frequently late home because people were anything up to an hour late to collect.

I've never felt so relieved when I quit.

Bloody hell, some of the attitudes on here
Years ago it was a taken that parents would help out where they could
Go to the other group

If, when signing up and paying the subs the parent was required to make a commitment to volunteer - then yes, you would feel right to be peed off. But there is no such requirement. Nothing

There is in my ds's forms. Which is why he had to stop going, as I have no friends and family nearby to watch my three under 6, so couldn't volunteer. If you can't keep doing it, you can't keep doing it. It's sad, but not your fault they won't commit.