AIBU putting my DD to bed at 6pm

[cavycavy]

My DD is 4, very nearly five. She is a VERY early riser. All her life it has been 5.30/6. But at the moment 4.30am is has become our new normal (and this was before the clocks changed). I think part of the reason is that DH is up at this time during the week and he must be waking her (he is as quiet as he can be). At the weekends when DH wakes up at 7ish DD still wakes up at 5.

As a result I put her to bed at 6. Any later and she gets over tired and really struggles to settle and then still wakes at 4.30 anyway.

Part of me worries she’s only getting 10.5hrs of sleep at night (shouldn’t it still be 12 at this age?) and part of me is just SICK of waking up this early every day. I go to bed at 8 to compensate and feel I have just enough sleep.

So what do I do? Accept this is how it will be for a while and go with the flow? (I like the ‘path of least resistance’ approach to parenting so this is what I’ve done so far). Or should I try and play around with bed time? Or have some kind of gro clock system in place?

My daughter, as it happens, also appears to be going through a massive clingy separation anxiety phase (maybe because she’s just started school - although she really loves it) and I think staying in her room alone for an hour in the morning would be torture for her at the moment.

Or maybe this is normal and children are programmed to wake up at stupid o fucking o clock in the morning?

WWYD?

Why don't you try a few things first before you settle with it for now......

Is it your dh waking her up?

I'm up this early with a poorly baby, I wouldn't be expecting a four year old at school to be waking at half four. My nephew also started school this September and is shattered by school, but does also do activities until around five thirty two nights a week. He has a groclock from before starting school and doesn't go into his parents before six thirty, although now they have to wake him. He has books in his room and has been told if you wake up before the clock changes and can't get back to sleep you can put your lamp on and look at your books, he's been able to understand that since at least last Christmas, not sure exactly when they implemented it. At that age I would expect her to know that four thirty is still night time and I'm surprised she's not exhausted by the end of the school day.

This is my life. We have always been larks, but DH's early wakeup for work means DC wake consistenly too early. Always have. I worry they are tired but they have plenty of downtime. It hasn't got any llrsr, but now they are older they get up and do stuff and I stay in bed!

My advice? Don't beat yourself up, don't worry and do train her to make hernown break gas and turn the telly on!

With my dd, I slowly wound the times go correspond with the clocks. 5 mins a day when she was a baby, starting a couple of weeks before the change. I’d do this sort of thing with your dd, slowly. Then keep her on gmt if you can, even in summer.

I hate gmt. I’m an early riser and my mother just put me to bed at 6. Due to this and exacerbated by chronic illness, my sleep goes completely mad in the winter and I’m awake before 3 every day. I know at some stage it will be 1.30 am. Bed 5/6pm.

Two questions - why is it always you getting up with her? Especially on the weekends - DH is around, and obviously used to getting upvatvsilly o'clock in the morning, he can get up with her then surely? If you're up with her every morning in the week he hardly had the excuse so many men use of "I have to get up early all week" - so do you! And if he's gettihnvup for work so early in the morning, why can't he keep an eye on her until he leaves the house sometimes? At 4 surely it's just s case of binging her some brekkie and chatting to her while he gets himself sorted? You should be getting minimum one lie in a week. If you're not, fix that right away.

Next thing is be doing is teaching her to amuse herself in her room for an hour or so and not bother you unless something's wrong. So a bedside lamp she can operate herself, a gro clock so she knows when she's allowed to come to find you, and a selection of favourite books/colouring pencils or whatever left out at bedtime for her to use in the morning if she wakes up. As long as she can go to the loo by herself (leave the hall light on) then there's no reason a child that age shouldn't be able to understand that you need more sleep even if she doesn't and to amuse herself for a while.

@thinkingcapon I’m pretty certain my husband must be at least disturbing her because she wakes a little later at the weekend. Well... 5am! But you wouldn’t believe the difference this makes to how it feels mentally!!

@LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook I don’t expect a 4/5yr old to be up at this time either... Yet here I am! 5.30 I can cope with, maybe even 5, but 4.30 feels like the middle of the night to me too.

I guess I should train her to stay in her room till a more reasonable hour using a ‘system’, clocks, reward charts etc but I know that will be a painful process too and I kind of dread all that stuff. I’m also aware that she has this separation anxiety at the moment and I wonder if it’s a bit cruel to enforce separation in the morning when she is just innocently waking up. Maybe kids just go through phases of early waking?

She’s not tired at school, she’s doing really well and is a very happy little girl, absolutely full of energy. By 6 she is ready for bed.

@TheBitchOfTheVicar Thank you, I think I want to hear some people saying don’t worry, go with the flow, it won’t always be like this. That has kind of been my approach to parenting so far, and mostly it has worked. Or maybe I am condemning her to a lifetime of early nights and early mornings?

Should we be aiming for 12hours sleep at this age??

It’s trick or treating tonight, so will be an automatically later night. But what if she goes to be at 8 and still wakes up at 4.30?!!! The thought of that just gives me anxiety!!

My two dc get up at 6am everyday, so we put them to bed at 6pm.

I wish it was 7-7, but they just seem naturally programmed to get up at 6am. Putting them to bed later just results in two grumpy children at 6am.

It is a bit shit, but it’s not forever. Plus it means I get to read mumsnet at 6am while they play 😂

@Mummyoflittledragon oh blimey that sounds horrible for you. I’d hate to be condemning my daughter to a lifetime of sleep problems. Ok, maybe I need to sort this out now!

Mine have always been earlyish risers but anything before 6am I put them back to bed. 6pm bedtime is ok but try and get her to read books in bed until half six or quarter to seven so it's quiet time but not asleep til a bit later.

I think tbh this will sort itself out by school. I have 4, 3 at school and one at home still and their sleep all went fine once at school they are exhausted at the end of the day and went to be at 730pm until 6 am.

@TheFurminator good question! It is always me. My DH is up and out of the door, but he could get her sorted with breakfast and the iPad before he goes. I’ve never asked him, so I will discuss it tonight.

Right, I’m going to discuss it with DD today. Explain we have a problem and need to think of a solution.

I think breakfast in her room ready for the morning an iPad (if I can find the bloody thing and it still works) and a clock.

Seems obvious now really.

I would get a gro clock and really gradually increase the time by 5 minutes every few days or something. Can you get her some new (quiet) toys she can play with in her room when she wakes, or a new teddy/ doll to be her morning companion?
Start by just setting it at 4.35 so it's hardly any time to wait and then lots of praise and stickers if she stays in her room until then. She is ole enough for you to explain what's going on.

My 5 year old gets up at 6am regardless of bedtime.

My 4 year old at school is just a shit sleeper.

Honestly, as long as they're thriving and happy, then they're fine. Don't stress about what other people do/say.

Definitely to encourage the 'amuse yourself in your room and don't bother me until X o'clock' thing though!

@Raver84 she’s at school already. I think it has kind of got worse since she started. Although her behaviour in general has become LOADS better and we’re really happy. Its just these mornings!!!

Re the iPad, a friend of mine did that bit her kid woke deliberately for the iPad 😬 Got to mix it up a bit!

Been there. This 7-7 business, along with sleeping through the night was always a fiction to me.

They both go to bed by 6.30 and asleep by 7. One wakes up by 6 and one at 6.30/7. On the weekend they wake up a bit later. They seem to cope okay.

@BeanBag7 @Scotinoz

I’m feeling inspired!

We did have a gro clock when she was 2, but she learned (at the age of TWO) to unlock it and turn it to a sun. So I sold it! I’ll have to buy a new (second hand) one!

Unless there are alternative options. She’s learning to tell the actual time but isn’t quite good enough to rely on that at the moment.

My dd is 6.5 and at the moment is waking at 5:30 due to clock change. It's gradually shifted from 5am. She's always been early to rise and no amount of play in your room, watch tv or anything else works.

She's generally in bed by 7ish because it really doesn't matter what time she goes to bed she still wakes early. A notable occasion was we travelled to Disneyland Paris. We'd been up since 4am. We did the fireworks that night and got back to the hotel just before midnight. She still woke up at 6am next day.

I'd say just hang in there. My dd is allowed the iPad from 6am, but if she keeps moaning and disturbing me before that after I've told her the time then she doesn't get it at all that day.

It's not easy at all. I'm just hoping I'll get my revenge when she's a teenager. :)

Positives have been, we had the early swimming lessons at the weekend. (8am) meaning we had the rest of the day to do what we wanted. Day trips out were a doddle as she's always up and good natured early on too.

Gro clock with a reward chart is how we did it but my son was younger. At first we set the clock for 4.45 so he got a couple of stickers and then we gradually set the clock later. It worked really well. We've also taught him that if he hears any noises before the sunshine comes up on the clock he should close his eyes and go back to sleep. Doesn't always work though

I agree with @Scotinoz-maybe electronics not the right way to go.

Don't want to reward her for being up. I think as a PP said-books and toys-to be played with quietly.

I am a lark I'm afraid-but Dsis and I always put to bed so early- listening to @Mummyoflittledragon I wonder how much is learned behaviour and how much is natural.

I also hate the clocks changing!!

In my case I am probably waking them up as I wake up at 5 to sort out the day. I cook dinner in the morning as when I get in both kids are ready to eat. I also do bath in the morning instead of night. We only do dinner, teeth, stories, reading and a bit of play in the evening. After they sleep I read a bit and am normally asleep by 9. Weekends we are more flexible as don’t have to rush anywhere.

My DS (1.5 yes) is an early riser. It's gotten worse because of the clocks and we are also doing CC in the morning but basically he goes to bed bang on 6pm each night. This was also advised by a (bloody expensive!) sleep consultant that I spoke to this week. It ensures he catches up on sleep. Also the later you put them down, the less sleep they get, more likely they are to rise early. X

Put it out of reach so she can't unlock it. My 2 year old did the same so we put it on top of her.wardrobe and now it's fine.

One late night tonight won't do her any harm, just go to bed at the same time if you are worried about yourself (it would be my concern)

Re the 12 hours neither of my DC have slept 12 hours in their life. Over the years I've come to accept they just don't need that much sleep. DD2 6 used to be like your girl, she'd be up at 4, sometimes even earlier. I realised that any bedtime before 8 would have her up at an ungodly hour. Now she goes around 8.30 sometimes even 9. She does lots of afternoon activities that wear her out and naturally wakes around 7. It didn't work the first few days though, took a good week or so to start to re set. I find people try it a couple of time's and can't deal with the evening tiredness and give up. DD1 has always been much the same.

Alternatively will she go back to sleep in your bed - keep all lights off when she wakes and tell her it's still nighttime (probably unlikely if she's had the 10.5 hours she seems to need. Mine does this sometimes but if she's had enough sleep she'll just wriggle around and ignore me). I do think enforcing being on her own at a clingy time might be counterproductive

I'd be putting her to bed later and suffering a few days of awful tiredness. PLUS I would not be accepting "I"m awake" at 4.30am! I'd be putting her straight back to bed until 6.30. At 4 she can grasp the facts...might be tough at first but she's not a baby...she needs to let you sleep.