AIBU putting my DD to bed at 6pm

[cavycavy]

My DD is 4, very nearly five. She is a VERY early riser. All her life it has been 5.30/6. But at the moment 4.30am is has become our new normal (and this was before the clocks changed). I think part of the reason is that DH is up at this time during the week and he must be waking her (he is as quiet as he can be). At the weekends when DH wakes up at 7ish DD still wakes up at 5.

As a result I put her to bed at 6. Any later and she gets over tired and really struggles to settle and then still wakes at 4.30 anyway.

Part of me worries she’s only getting 10.5hrs of sleep at night (shouldn’t it still be 12 at this age?) and part of me is just SICK of waking up this early every day. I go to bed at 8 to compensate and feel I have just enough sleep.

So what do I do? Accept this is how it will be for a while and go with the flow? (I like the ‘path of least resistance’ approach to parenting so this is what I’ve done so far). Or should I try and play around with bed time? Or have some kind of gro clock system in place?

My daughter, as it happens, also appears to be going through a massive clingy separation anxiety phase (maybe because she’s just started school - although she really loves it) and I think staying in her room alone for an hour in the morning would be torture for her at the moment.

Or maybe this is normal and children are programmed to wake up at stupid o fucking o clock in the morning?

WWYD?

I got a little cheap digital clock and stuck a sticker over the minute numbers. Told Dd she couldn't get up until 5.

She was an early riser and also up every night for a loooong time, we used to put her to bed at 6. Eventually after a year of significant problems we did some hardcore sleep maintenance insomnia tactics and kept her up really really late a few nights (getting on for 10pm) to get her to consolidate her sleep into one block, then gradually brought her bedtime forward. She's sleeping 7:45-6:30 now on average.

Hang on a minute. If she's going to bed at 6, what time does she eat dinner? Is she waking because she is hungry as it's about 12 hours since she last ate?

What happens if she comes into bed with you at that time? Does she snuggle down and sleep?

Unfortunately I'm in the same situation with my 3 year old DD. I've come to the conclusion an early riser, is an early riser. My DH is the same. We've suffered through weeks and weeks of pushing for a later bedtime to get a later wake up and it just doesn't happen. She just ends up having around 8-9 hours sleep and we have to literally drag her and ourselves through the day. So we put her to bed at 630pm, at least have our evening and suffer the wake up. She won't stay in her room either once awake, even the offer of the iPad gets a swift no from her. I live for my 8am lie in on the weekend where my DH gets up with her.

My DS is exactly the same. 4.30 on a cold winter's morning is no joke. He's now 7 and often still up at anything from 5am. Even if he goes to bed later he still wakes up at pretty much the same time but is just more tired and grumpy. Luckily now he can get up and put the telly on and get some breakfast without disturbing anyone so life is a lot easier. If we tell him he should stay in bed and get more sleep he just gets annoyed because it's just his body clock. I'd say maybe try adjusting her bedtime by about an hour to see if that helps but otherwise maximise the time that she can sleep. It's always concerned me that my DS is sometimes up for four hours before he's even got to school but it seems to work ok for him.

Gro clock all the way. Both mine went through this and my three year old knows he mustn't come out until the sun comes up (other than to use the loo). He has fiddled with it and lost pudding that day so hasn't done it again.

Like with anything, it needs follow through and consequences but it's worth while.

Some kids need less sleep. My dd7 has never needed much sleep, she's been between 9-10 hours since she was 4. But she sleeps solidly and wakes up happy and full of beans so that's all she needs.

6pm is not sustainable imo. Not just at Halloween but Christmas, parties, school events... I'd really try to push this back to at least 7pm.

It might take a few weeks but hopefully it'll help the early wake ups. Try to encourage her to go back to sleep at 4.30. Don't be too active, no tablet, no breakfast. Just gentle quiet cuddles in bed with her. You need to break this habit.

I was up at 530 every morning with ds2 until he was 4 years old...it's exhausting. Dh and I used to take turns at the weekends so at least I'd get one lay in. He was always ready for bed at 6 but I always tried to stretch it until 645/7 to try to combat the early waking. Maybe start stretching bedtime by 15 mins each day until it's about 730 and see if this makes a difference? It may take some time . When I look back I realise I wasn't strict enough to do this which is why it never worked for me! Good luck

I remember this from a different perspective. I woke early as a child and like OP said wanted to be with my parents so I would go in their room, they would lift me in their bed and I would snooze in between them until wake up time. It was an insecurity thing, I didn't like being alone at night, I remember fondly the mornings snuggling with mum and dad and they were OK with it. As a teenager I would have lay in until midday if I had the opportunity.

I would suggest bringing her into your bed when she wakes, until its time to get up, you can sleep and cuddle her. I did the same with my DD too , it means you get more rested and she gets the time she needs with you too.

Some kids are just early birds, I think. My DS is ten, and still gets up before 6 every day. he’s asleep by 7:30 most nights. A week of later bedtimes doesn’t make a difference to him, he’s an early riser and that’s that.

You could try a run of later bedtimes and see if that helps, but if your DH is disturbing her every morning there’s not much you can do.

Much sympathy.

I would absolutely not have a child getting up at 04:30. That’s the middle of the night and they would be sent straight back to bed.
I admit that mine go to bed very late on weekend or holiday nights so that we can all have a lie in in the morning. 18:00 seems incredibly early to end the day. Our story time is 19:00 with. Bed around 20:30 on a school night. Up at 07:00.
I know every family is different but I think time with you in the evening is more important than being up for four hours before school. You could experiment and change bedtime by 30 mins a day.

If DH wakes her up, can she get in your bed as he gets out? That way she wouldn't feel alone and might drift back to sleep. Give her minimum attention!
If you do ask her to try staying in her own room, don't allow her to play with toys etc. Just books or colouring in bed- you don't want to make it too nice or fun- or that will be an incentive to wake up early...

At that age my two were bathed and in bed after the CBeebies bedtime song. They knew once the song had finished it was bed. Never had any problems, they were always up early then. Now they are teens, they don’t get up early unless they have to!

DS was like your DC (5.30 was a lie in!) and DD had to be dragged out of bed. Some DC are just natural early risers. I would say that at nearly 5, she can be given a clock, shown what you deem to be an appropriate time and told that she has to stay in bed until then (we said DS could play quietly). When he got a bit older we said he could get up quietly and go and watch TV downstairs.

I didn't find much correlation between bedtime and getting up time, and I suspect the amount of sleep she is getting is fine - some children need less sleep than others!

Everyone told me that DS would grow out of this when he started school. He did. Only it was secondary school :)

Some children don't need as much sleep. DD has been one she started waking at between 3.30 to 5.30 am when she was 3 and did it till she was 8. She didn't want to snuggle she was up and ready for the day. We tried the groclock she just ignored it. We tried earlier to bed, later to bed. Nothing worked.
I just used to get up and snooze on the sofa whilst she watched TV as nothing worked.
In everything else I am tough No is a regularly heard word. Now she is a teen she knows the value of money and works hard. But staying in bed and asleep I never cracked. When she was 10 she was diagnosed with a visual processing disorder which is linked to an ability to regulate melatonin correctly ( she basically was producing too much).

I have only ever known DD to sleep 12 hours when she was ill. DS not at all (Both older now ).Nor do I know anyone whose DC have ever slept this long . As long as she is happy and doing well then I wouldnt worry .Maybe you could try 6.30, and see if she wakes any later .Some children just dont seem to need as much sleep .

Gradually increase her bedtime so she gets up later. Kids naturally sleep the number of hours they need, 10.5 hours seems plenty

Please don’t lay out breakfast in her bedroom. A small child should not be left alone to eat. The risk of choking is too high.

Ps my friend has got her dd an Alexa, she can't get up until her story comes on, she's only 3 but is a master of getting it to read to her

For how many consecutive nights did you try putting her to bed later?

It can take weeks to work, but you need to stick at it and eventually she will adjust.

My children all slept around 10 - 11 hours at the age of 4. 12 hours is not necessary at this age.

If you keep putting her to bed at 6pm she will keep waking up early. Yes, a one off late night won't change their wake up time and they might be grumpy, but push bedtime back to 7.30pm over a few weeks and she will start to wake up later. Just like when we change the clocks, travel to a different time zone, the body eventually adjusts to the new schedule. Honestly, this will work and a 7.30pm bedtime will eventually result in a 6/6.30am wake up.

I wouldn’t stress about the amount of sleep she’s getting but I would absolutely refuse a 4:30 wake up.

I’d put her back to bed every time until at least 6am with the “it’s night time” message whilst at the same time making bedtime 15 min later each week. If she really is awake then “you can look at books quietly until it’s morning”. No iPad, it’s a reward and the screen will wake her up more.

My eldest was an early waker so I feel your pain! I have to say though I think she is going to bed too early. My DD is also 4 and goes to bed at 7, is usually asleep by 7.30 (occasionally 8!) and up anytime between 6.30-7am.

Doing a full hour later bedtime on a 4.30am wake up will be hard for her, so why not move it 30 mins later (or even just 15mins if that is too hard) and stick with that for at least a week, before moving it on another 15-30 mins. Ideally give it at least 2 weeks of a 7pm bedtime before deciding if it works or not. The key is consistency - if she is extremely tired you may be tempted to go back to the early bedtime, but you need to stick at it to help reset her body clock. That’s what worked for us anyhow. I would also have a gro clock as pp’s have suggested.

If she's getting up at 4.30am then putting her to bed at 6pm is a bit daft in most people's opinion. If you like starting your day at 4.30am yanbu though because it's your life! She's overtired at 6pm because she got up at 4.30. I reckon if I got up then I'd be feeling pretty knackered by 6 too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Gradually move her bedtime back to about 8 is my advice then she will sleep to a sensible time. All this number of hours sleep children 'need' is guff, pure and simple some need more sleep than others.

*@cavycavy * My 3 were always up early when younger especially the middle one! Even on camping holidays when he was 2/3 husband and I took it in turns to take him for walks to watch the sunrise so he didn't wake up the rest of the campsite so I feel your pain. I don't think mine ever really got 'better' as husband worked shifts so often up at 5am for earlies and I have always been an early riser so usually up at 5.30 or 6am anyway.

However, some good news maybe - when your DD is a teenager, she will be much easier to get up for school!! None of mine ever slept in and I didn't have any of the 'staying in bed til mid-afternoon' rubbish that other parents seemed to have during the teenage years. middle son is still up at 5.30/6am every day, the other two not so much but all definitely larks rather than owls [griin]