AIBU putting my DD to bed at 6pm

[cavycavy]

My DD is 4, very nearly five. She is a VERY early riser. All her life it has been 5.30/6. But at the moment 4.30am is has become our new normal (and this was before the clocks changed). I think part of the reason is that DH is up at this time during the week and he must be waking her (he is as quiet as he can be). At the weekends when DH wakes up at 7ish DD still wakes up at 5.

As a result I put her to bed at 6. Any later and she gets over tired and really struggles to settle and then still wakes at 4.30 anyway.

Part of me worries she’s only getting 10.5hrs of sleep at night (shouldn’t it still be 12 at this age?) and part of me is just SICK of waking up this early every day. I go to bed at 8 to compensate and feel I have just enough sleep.

So what do I do? Accept this is how it will be for a while and go with the flow? (I like the ‘path of least resistance’ approach to parenting so this is what I’ve done so far). Or should I try and play around with bed time? Or have some kind of gro clock system in place?

My daughter, as it happens, also appears to be going through a massive clingy separation anxiety phase (maybe because she’s just started school - although she really loves it) and I think staying in her room alone for an hour in the morning would be torture for her at the moment.

Or maybe this is normal and children are programmed to wake up at stupid o fucking o clock in the morning?

WWYD?

if she figured out how to change the gro clock you could always buy a regular clock and colour in the section of time its ok for her to get up in with a sharpie (probably not explaining it the best way but i mean something like this)

bling she's already doing it and the DD is waking up at 4.30am.

@cavycavy I know what you mean, I thought 6:30 aiming for 12hrs sleep was normal but discovered its not! When i asked around, bedtime of about 7:30 was normal for this age group. I put Dd to bed at 6:30 because she WAS tired and ready for bed at that time, but in hindsight this was because she was getting up in the night and getting up early, so of course she was tired by 6:30. Her 6:30 bedtime meant she was getting enough sleep for her, even with a 1-2hr night waking and an early start, so she didn't need to change anything. Dd's sleep has been a complicated conundrum so it's not as straightforward as what I'm saying here, but she now sleeps 8-7ish. If I put her to bed before 7:30 she wakes in the night or too early. I don't think she needs 12hrs. She's much much better with a good 11hr block.

I knew a family who would put their child to bed at 16:30 in the afternoon. Straight from nursery. No evening routine or proper meal at all. Mum said it was because he was so tired. He would then wake in the early hours and be left alone to watch tv because mum and dad didn’t want to be up half the night. Mum didn’t see any issue with this. He is now in primary school and hopefully things have got better for him.

I’m not suggesting you are like this OP but really if your child is waking at 04:30 they are going to bed too early in the evening. Early evenings mean missing family time in my opinion.

I’d agree with the above...going to bed that early means missing out on family time every evening.
DS is almost 2 and goes to bed at about 8.30pm and sleeps until 7.30am. It means when DH gets home we all eat tea together and enjoy time playing/reading etc before bed.

If she's nearing 5, 10-11 hours might be all she needs. They don't exactly get a memo on their 5th birthday telling them to go from 12 to 10. Yes, she will be grumpy for a little while, but not as long as she would be if you didn't allow for her inner clock to kick in.

Oh Gosh, I feel your pain, our situation is similar. I'm worrying my dd (3.5)is not getting enough leep. Put her for a sleep around 7.30, she's always up through the night (still drinks milk) and then is up at 6

@cavycavy

Oh the good old days when the doctors would prescribe "sleeping medicine" [Phenergan syrup] for children.

I suppose it's an improvement these days

In your case I would get a slèep trainer. It's crazy to be getting up at that hour and you definitely need to change that. I'm not in the UK so can't recommend one but I'm sure if you do a bit of googling you'll find one.

Thanks for all the replies. It seems a unanimous “She’s probably going to bed too early”

Well, there is no better night to test that theory that Halloween! She fell asleep around 7.30 after 2 hours at a party and 1hr of walking around the village! She was in a lovely happy mood right up till the end, bearing in mind she has been awake for 15hours!!!

Anyhoo, all that walking and fresh air and 1.5hr later than usual night should SURELY result in a later waking. We’ve also talked about it A LOT!

Will update in the morning!!

Hope you get a mini lie in OP!

Cavy,

The thing is, a single late night won't work immediately. What you need is a consistently later bedtime - either introduced at once or gradually over a period of a couple of weeks - which is then 'the new normal'. It will probably take a few weeks for you to see an effect in the form of later mornings, so don't give up if it doesn't work at once.

You will need a repertoire of 'I know you're tired but tough, it's not bedtime yet' activities to get through the time before bed, though - jigsaws, stories, maybe a ritual involving CBeebies bedtime hour. Not ipad / tablet / phone / games, as those are likely to be too stimulating. However, expect that you will have to put in a lot of effort at this point to see an improvement - then if you don't, that's a bonus!

We used to do some for of outdoor exercise - walk, playground, run round the garden, trampoline, whatever - while it was light. Then general playtime till 6 pm supper. 6 - 6.30 pm supper, 6.30 - 7 pm CBeebies bedtime hour, 7 pm bath, then lots of books, 8 pm in bed lights out.

We had a digital clock - the sort that sets itself to the wireless signal. Nobody could come out of their rooms until the first number was 7 (could be 6 in your case). Anyone awake before then had to stay in their room to occupy themselves (DS taught himself to read...and count...and tell the time....way before he started school: boredom has its uses)

@Winter2019 why are you giving a 3yo milk in the night???

If she can tell the time tell her that between 4.30 and 5.30am she has to stay in her room and do quiet play. No TV, no electronics etv, at 5.30 she can wake you up, IF she wakes up before 4.30 she has to stay in bed and go back to sleep ..THEN move the clock backwards by 30 mins, then a week or so later an hour.... Works with mine when I need more zzzzzzs...

@cavy don't expect one late night to have much impact, you'll need to stick to later bedtimes for at least a week. You might need to go for an even later bedtime to have the desired effect, and then bring bedtime forward again to where you want it.

4.50

Right 45 mins of whinging crying and stamping of feet, she then gave in and fell back to sleep till now...nearly 7am!!!!

Whoop whoop!

It will change.
Can you invite her into your bed when she wakes up and came to wake you up? That did a trick for us, don't turn the lights on, keep it dark, just cuddle the child in bed, pretend you are asleep.
But tbh, my child never went to bed really early, never before 8. I don't think he slept more than 8/9 hours since toddler age.

yes she frequently climbs into my bed, I do t mind at all as long as she doesn’t fully wake me, but lately it’s been BAM awake at 4.30.

I can’t remember which PP said it, but treating it like a night waking did the trick. (With some clarification that Daddy is awake because he goes to work IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT).

Well done @cavycavy! Good work!

Same situation with my 4yo. Was same with her elder brother too. She asks to go to bed around 6.45 and is up 5.30. Yes, we’ve tried later bedtimes but no difference. She just ends up overly tired. She stayed up until after 9 last night for Halloween party and had just asked ‘can I go to bed at normal time tonight?’ Does get a bit better DS (9) sleeps until 6.30/7.30 now!

My ds didn’t sleep through the night till the age of 4, I used to take him to bed at 8pm & by midnight he was up & awake, then by 2am asleep again & up again at 5am! He is nearly 9 now & goes to bed at 9pm (I know prob too late) and he is still up at 6-6.30am suppose all kids are different really!

My son is 3.5 years old and goes to bed at 6 or 6:30 at the latest. He always has since about 8 months old.

I would get one of those sleep clocks, explain the rules and make her stay in bed until at least 6.30/7. Use a reward chart, get her a lamp and some books but tell her she stays in her room quietly until the appropriate time.

I got my daughter a digital clock and said unless she was sick or needed a wee she couldn't disturb me until it said 7:00. It worked very well and we took the same approach with my step daughter who was a 4.30am riser too. No tears but good clear boundaries