AIBU putting my DD to bed at 6pm

[cavycavy]

My DD is 4, very nearly five. She is a VERY early riser. All her life it has been 5.30/6. But at the moment 4.30am is has become our new normal (and this was before the clocks changed). I think part of the reason is that DH is up at this time during the week and he must be waking her (he is as quiet as he can be). At the weekends when DH wakes up at 7ish DD still wakes up at 5.

As a result I put her to bed at 6. Any later and she gets over tired and really struggles to settle and then still wakes at 4.30 anyway.

Part of me worries she’s only getting 10.5hrs of sleep at night (shouldn’t it still be 12 at this age?) and part of me is just SICK of waking up this early every day. I go to bed at 8 to compensate and feel I have just enough sleep.

So what do I do? Accept this is how it will be for a while and go with the flow? (I like the ‘path of least resistance’ approach to parenting so this is what I’ve done so far). Or should I try and play around with bed time? Or have some kind of gro clock system in place?

My daughter, as it happens, also appears to be going through a massive clingy separation anxiety phase (maybe because she’s just started school - although she really loves it) and I think staying in her room alone for an hour in the morning would be torture for her at the moment.

Or maybe this is normal and children are programmed to wake up at stupid o fucking o clock in the morning?

WWYD?

I work alot of late nights, often not home til 1am and shave done since my boys were tiny- i would not cope with early starts like that -my youngest is not a great sleeper even now (8years old) but im afraid that was one of the few areas we were strict on, got a gro clock when he was 3 and said i didnt want to see him before the sun and just kept saying it on repeat and rewarding when he stayed in his room..didnt take too long and both boys know they are not to be up making noise before 7 ever! I sometimes hear them creeping about so know theyre awake....

I have never been a morning person so I remember when DC1 was a baby I treated anything before 7 as a night waking. She would regularly wake at 5/5.30 so I would give a small milk feed and back to bed. I spoke to a NCT friend of mine whose baby also woke for milk at 5/5.30 but she assumed he was waking up and would start the day then. He would then be down for a nap by 6.30/7. Once she realised she didn't have to get up at that time, she started feeding him and putting him back to bed and he went straight back to sleep until 7.

There may well be some naturally early risers, but I think it's best to get used to the idea that anything before a certain time is "night" from as young as possible , even if they come into bed with you for the last hour or two.

If she stayed up later and was tired she might sleep later. DO you have a blackout blind?

DD used to wake 5am which was far too early for me and my work hours.

I did a 4 week stint of putting her to bed later and later until we got to the time I thought she should go to bed to hopefully result in later waking times. She was grumpy, clingy and tired but adapted. I also did this leading up to clock forward/back

Once the sleep/wake times were a bit better, I put a clock in her room with tape on the glass at 645am and then explained that she could not leave her room until the hands matched the tape. When I went to bed I'd put a snack and water beaker in her room for next morning as the main reason for waking me would be that she was hungry. At weekends she could come to my bed/room but not wake me.

And I was strict about it - that was the hardest thing at first. Getting up to put her back in her room with minimal interaction, but the consistency was really important.

I'll see if I can find the book I used - can't think of the name. It must be a very common issue as there was a whole section dedicated to this.

All I can so here is relate my own experience.
My son used to wake at 4am every single morning. Slowly but surely I set later and later alarms training him not to come into my room until the alarm has gone off, unless he feels poorly or has had a bad dream.
He now wakes at 6-6:30am most mornings and entertains himself in his room with his toys until the alarm goes off at 7am. The earliest he wakes is 5am and then he turns on his own tv and watches a DVD.
With him it never mattered what time I sent him to bed, he always woke at the same time.

I know you say your child is in school but are they taking naps at all? I know some schools do this.
Does she have toys in her room to keep herself entertained?
It will get easier hun cause the older she gets the more capable she will be of entertaining herself.

You're definitely doing the right thing setting those boundaries for your little one. How was she last night?

Relax, try clock reward (though my ds kept altering the clock so it looked broken)
They will at some point say why do I have to go to bed at 6 when. So n so goes at 7.30. Then you say we'll if you tried going back to sleep in the morning you could.

12 hrs is stated as perfect but people are individuals ds1 8hr child ds2 12hrs ds3 wakes at 6am no matter what bedtime (used to be four but we very slowly got it to that)
I do think a milky drink and a story is a massive plus to a sound night for children / adults

My daughter uses the grow clock, she knows of she wakes up early and there is 1 star left (you could try 2 depending on when you set the clock, I tend to reset it about 10 so the stars coincide with the time I want there to be one) she can read or play quietly. She can also put on her digital radio (no other elecronics in room), the radio volume is set and she knows she is not to turn it up and the station is set to Funkids so I know she won't hear anything unsuitable. She loves her own time in the morning before we get up as a family!

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut thank you for the solidarity. I’m feeling so tired today my head is buzzing. Last night DD woke at 11.30pm just as I was dropping off (really struggled to fall asleep last night weirdly). OMG I was cross, fully prepared to do some form of controlled crying only to find she had been sick all over her bed! So obviously lots of cuddles and soothing immediately took over. She fell asleep in my bed pretty quickly but I couldn’t sleep till about 1am. She woke at 6.30am. She doesn’t seem at all poorly today! Goodness knows what made her sick, and very strange indeed for her not to tell me.

The whole thing feels like a mess. But tonight I have a lovely bedtime routine tick chart I’ve made. We’ll have a bath and stories and all nice and cosy. Start afresh!

There’s no chance I’m putting food or a tablet in her room. She’d wake up on purpose just to eat/watch.

Nothing to add as you've had some great advice.

I had a child who NEVER slept so I feel for you.

Good luck with your plan.

Good luck OP

Ok... so last night she was asleep by 7 (an achievement as she was exhausted) she slept straight through till I woke up and went to the bathroom at 6.

I now feel pretty sure it’s DH waking her at 4.30am. It was me going to the bathroom that woke her this morning, he was having a lie in. He is as quiet and considerate as he can be on weekday mornings.

Is there a way of soundproofing her room?!

And today I feel HUMAN!!!!

Just to add, his lie in is till 6.30am!!! Insanity!!

You could try white noise, OP. But I do think she does need to learn to go back to sleep if woken in the morning. You might find a consistent later bedtime achieves this - she won't be so ready to wake up at 4.30 when he starts to move around.

White noise is a good idea op

Could you get DH to feed her some breakfast then get her tucked in your bed (because of separation anxiety) with iPad/headphones or a story cd with headphones. Then you can still rest but you know she's happy and safe with you.

I think it was habitual and if she wakes and your husband says to her it's still the middle of the night and puts her back to bed that's the way forward...

You could make sure that he tells her it isn't time to get up yet and that she's clear that he has to get up specially early for work?

My DH has to get up at 5am for work but he puts clothes ready the night before in a different room (DD's room is next to ours and the bathroom), doesn't shower in the mornings and uses the downstairs loo so there is much less noise upstairs near her room.

You can buy plug in white noise machines cheaply on amazon. Both my kids have them. Could try an app first though to see if it helps.

She loved white noise as a baby!

Tonight will be a bit of a test to my theory. She fell asleep at 8, so fingers crossed a more normal waking time. Husband has been updated re. What to say. But I’m happy for her to get in bed with me, provided she is quiet and does try to go back to sleep.

I’ve discovered you can actually soundproof a door, apparently that’s the thing which is least soundproof in a room and cheapest to rectify! There are special seals that go around the gaps around the edges of the door and some kind of sound proof material on the door itself. (Or a new, more solid door).

Rooting for you @cavycavy

I’m up at 4:45am for a flight and wonder if my shower will wake the whole house up?

Well, my husband has been getting up at that time long before she was born, or even before we met! So it does seem odd that it’s only started to bother her now. But I think the idea that she doesn’t need as much sleep now and is therefore more rousable at 4.30 means she is waking. So hopefully a later bedtime will sort it!

Otherwise I’m soundproofing her door!!

Remember it's not going to happen really quickly. The later wake ups I mean. So even if she wakes up early tomorrow morning it doesn't mean it's not working. And yes as her wake up time does become later your husband will be less likely to wake her. In the future. Not overnight.

She woke up at 6.05!!!! I was awake at 4.15 (I think I’ve adjusted now!!) but I don’t even care!!

DH was extra extra quiet 🤫