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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can go on benefits instead of returning to work?

502 replies

UniversalCreditOrNo · 30/10/2019 22:53

NC for this.

Let me start off by saying this....up until
February last year, I have never not been in work. I got my first job at 13, was working full time and living alone at age 21 (before which I worked 25 hours a week alongside my studies) and it was only last year when I decided to go travelling that I ever found myself without employment. I got pregnant at the end of my travels, and here is where I find myself.

My daughter is now 6 months old. In 3 months time, I’m supposed to go back to work. How do people afford to do it? Childcare is £56 a day where I am. On my current minimum wage job that’s a take home of around £30 a week....before tax and NI.

My partner is on around £20k and I can rely on family for 1 day a week childcare. So here’s my AIBU. Can I go on benefits, instead of going back to work? Is that a thing people can do?!

I don’t know how it works. My area is universal credit....is there even such a category for this? It’s not jobseekers as I wouldn’t be looking for work, and it’s not like I’m signed off with illness or disability.

My partner is convinced we can because he doesn’t earn a lot and ‘this is precisely what the benefits system is for’. However....his mum is a serial benefits user....everything from being a stay at home single mum until her youngest was 15, until now where she’s signed off for an injury from 3 years ago she still claims is affecting her work ability Hmm All I can think of is the stigma behind choosing to go on benefits, but right now I can’t see another option.

OP posts:
BillHadersNewWife · 30/10/2019 23:17

Too many women of low wages think "Once I've paid the nursery, I only have three quid left..." when their PARTNER is also responsible for the fees and upkeep of the child.

How are you currently managing to live with your partner OP? how are you splitting the bills?

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 30/10/2019 23:17

When my twins were small, I went back to work part time and literally just broke even once I'd paid their childcare bill. I wasn't ever entitled to any benefits other than child benefit.
In hindsight, I wish I'd have not bothered working, and spent the time with them just being a mum. My wages did nothing but pay for someone else to look after them. I just felt so pressured to work (from society and relatives etc). I wouldn't have wanted and money from the gvt to just be home either. It was more the pressure from others and the stigma of being a SAHM that made me feel bad.

Is there any way you could stay home and rely on DP's wage for living?

DeadyBear · 30/10/2019 23:18

There are many more work from home jobs about now. Not MLM rubbish either. Mostly admin stuff. I have two young ones and work from home but as a freelance graphic designer. Do you have the skills to set up your own business you can do from home? A friend of mine is a single mum, she works but gets top ups from universal credits and it’s pittance. Best thing would be to find work that you can work around your life. Working from home with little ones is hard but worth it with the amount I save in childcare!

Original poster
UniversalCreditOrNo · 30/10/2019 23:20

@BillHadersNewWife at the moment he pays all the rent, any car expenses (insurance, tax and petrol) and council tax (highest in the country Hmm).

My maternity allowance pays for food, all the house bills (gas, electric and water) and all child expenses. Needless to say I don't have anything left at the end of the month!

OP posts:
MLMhun · 30/10/2019 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KenDodd · 30/10/2019 23:21

Are you married op?
In rented accommodation?
I don't know about benefits but it might work out best for a few years to be a sham, if that's what you want to be and works best for your family. It means you won't have travel and other work related costs.
I would also second the advice others have given about working evenings and weekends instead of daytime.
Another option for earning extra money, could childminding or nannying be something you could do? That way you could have your own child with you.

WhyWhyWhy2019 · 30/10/2019 23:22

If you are not married then maybe you have a better chance at claiming benefits. I am returning to work part time after mat leave paying childcare. But it seems stupid to go to work when after childcare you are earning £30 a week! And for what? Stay at home and put your child first. They dont stay babies forever. You have paid into this countries rubbish system already. And you will again soon. For now put yourself first.
To all the posters that are bashing about paying your taxes etc, put your energy towards bashing big corporations that are involved in tax avoidance. Boycott your Starbucks etc.

Stiltons · 30/10/2019 23:22

You could set up as a childminder?

crustycrab · 30/10/2019 23:22

It won't be a "stranger" for long though. My kids absolutely loved their childminder and then later the staff and other kids at nursery.

It would cost your family over £1500 a year for you to quit work in your estimation. I suspect much more as you are trying to justify it so are likely to have rounded the £30 a week you'll be left with down. You've also gone for the highest priced nursery placement. Have a look at Childminder's.

It'll cost you in pension contributions, it'll cost you dearly if you can't get a job and split with your partner.

You should look at working around your partners hours, accepting the kind family members offer of childcare and look into childminder options whilst remembering your childcare bill is only temporary.

Original poster
UniversalCreditOrNo · 30/10/2019 23:22

@MLMhun WOW. What on earth is happening here.

OP posts:
HalloweenCandyLeBonBon · 30/10/2019 23:22

Oh dear. Biscuit

bookwormsforever · 30/10/2019 23:23

If your dd is 6 months old, you have had 15 months to consider what to do and how to work after dc is here..l

You and Your p should share child care costs, of course. It’s a joint cost enabling you both to work...

Getting back to work now means you have years to build up your skills and salary, putting you above others who are out of work for longer.

Whatwouldbigfatfannydo · 30/10/2019 23:23

@Mumofboth

So her options are to find a better paid/second job or cheaper childcare. Again, not up to anyone else to sort her poor choices for her...

OhDeari · 30/10/2019 23:24

The difference dear is that your MIL was a single parent. You're not. You'll be entitled to f all in the line of benefits - but 30 a week maybe.

FavouriteSoul · 30/10/2019 23:24

The benefits system isn't there to fund mothers to stay at home with their children because they don't want to work, FFS. You do what most of us have done, you find a job that dovetails with your partner's hours, evenings/nights/weekends, so your childcare fees are minimal. It won't be forever, it isn't great, but it's what we do because we have to. Benefits are for people unable to work due to illness or disability, or those actively looking for work. Not for you.

Jiggerypokery1986 · 30/10/2019 23:25

@MLMhun.... Rude, hun.

VanyaHargreeves · 30/10/2019 23:25

Without having a go at you if you are healthy and living with the child's father I honestly doubt you'd be entitled to anything other than child benefit under the UC system to be honest.

Yousicktwistedfruit · 30/10/2019 23:25

Are you for real I’m too ill to work and my money has just been stopped I have absolutely nothing and you want to claim benefits because your too much of a snowflake and you don’t want to go back to work. What I wouldn’t give to be in your position right now.

bookwormsforever · 30/10/2019 23:25

How much money does your partner have left at the end of the month? You should have the same.

MLMhun · 30/10/2019 23:26

expecting The tax payer to fund your choices is what’s wrong!

BillHadersNewWife · 30/10/2019 23:26

OP so he's paying the bills you mention...how much is left? What does he have to spare?

KenDodd · 30/10/2019 23:26

To the op haters, shame on you!

Fizbo · 30/10/2019 23:26

@UniversalCreditOrNo maybe have a look at getting a job in a supermarket? Many offer shifts during the night/evenings so you can work around your partner and not need child care, plus you can get a staff discount which also helps.
Sorry you are having a hard time on here, it's not always like this

Wereeaglesdare · 30/10/2019 23:26

How disgusting it is for women on here to put another woman down who is facing the same struggles. If your wage is not going to cover the cost of childcare that's why there is a benefit system. For struggling families not just for ill people and disability.
As the OP stated she has paid in to the system all her working life and is entitled to claim when she is falling on hard times in a vulnerable situation with a six month old baby. I'm so fucking sick of the hypocrisy on here. All you idiots redirect your anger to a tory government who have manipulated you all with the media to believe that you shouldn't ask for help you should struggle. This system should support families who can't afford childcare. Isn't it sick we are expected to hand our children over to complete strangers sometimes for 12 hours a day for what exactly 30 quid a week. But you will find OP that no one has a problem with the stay at home mum living off her husbands 80k wage. It wasn't so long ago women stayed at home and brought their children up.

Galaxygirl93 · 30/10/2019 23:26

Hell
My partner works Mon-Fri 9-5 and I work Mon-Wed. Our nursery fees for those days are £600-£750, depending on how many nursery days there are in the month. You should be able to get Tax Free Child Credits like we do, which pays 1/5 of the nursery fees each month which is very helpful.

Obviously at the moment your baby is still young so the nursery fees are alot however you have to also think of the long term- as previous posters have said, it looks good on your CV plus it is difficult for mothers to get back into work after the break. Also- and I dont know if this is the same for all nurseries - but our nursery fees start at £60 a day and when our little one is 2, the fees drop to £54 a day, which doesnt sound alot but £6 a day saving over 12 nursery fees in the month is obviously better too!

Also, all children get free nursery fees at 3 years old So the high fees are only for say, the first 2 years they are at nursery? (If they start at 1 year old). So yes, it is tough BUT is only temporary.

I think alot of the comments here are maybe because the majority of people here are Mums and Dads who have been through this dilemma, and make it work without relying on benefits. The benefit system is for those who deperately need it x