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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can go on benefits instead of returning to work?

502 replies

UniversalCreditOrNo · 30/10/2019 22:53

NC for this.

Let me start off by saying this....up until
February last year, I have never not been in work. I got my first job at 13, was working full time and living alone at age 21 (before which I worked 25 hours a week alongside my studies) and it was only last year when I decided to go travelling that I ever found myself without employment. I got pregnant at the end of my travels, and here is where I find myself.

My daughter is now 6 months old. In 3 months time, I’m supposed to go back to work. How do people afford to do it? Childcare is £56 a day where I am. On my current minimum wage job that’s a take home of around £30 a week....before tax and NI.

My partner is on around £20k and I can rely on family for 1 day a week childcare. So here’s my AIBU. Can I go on benefits, instead of going back to work? Is that a thing people can do?!

I don’t know how it works. My area is universal credit....is there even such a category for this? It’s not jobseekers as I wouldn’t be looking for work, and it’s not like I’m signed off with illness or disability.

My partner is convinced we can because he doesn’t earn a lot and ‘this is precisely what the benefits system is for’. However....his mum is a serial benefits user....everything from being a stay at home single mum until her youngest was 15, until now where she’s signed off for an injury from 3 years ago she still claims is affecting her work ability Hmm All I can think of is the stigma behind choosing to go on benefits, but right now I can’t see another option.

OP posts:
Original poster
UniversalCreditOrNo · 30/10/2019 23:05

@Henrysmycat thank you...for seeing things from my perspective.

OP posts:
00100001 · 30/10/2019 23:06

Or get a job around dhs hours

Loaf90 · 30/10/2019 23:06

No it's actually you who is 'unreal'. You went travelling, got pregnant and now want the rest of us to pay for your choices? I'm on mat leave - I worked so hard throughout my pregnancy to make sure I had enough money to be able to afford and to actually enjoy my time with my baby. I plan on working around my partner when I return to work. It'll be hard but I can't imagine even considering doing what you're planning. It's so wrong. Shame on your partner for encouraging you

Shortfeet · 30/10/2019 23:06

You can stay at home and look after your child. Your partner will support you financially. That’s how it works

Meercatsarecats · 30/10/2019 23:06

You might be able to get some help towards childcare costs.
I doubt you will get anything else and why should you really as an able bodied person with an education and a partner to support you.
Do as a pp suggested and work opposite shifts to your partner.
Single parents don't get that option, I had to suck up the £48 a day childcare costs and work.
No-one else here to pay my bills and even so I can't see 20k going very far between 3 of you.

AwkwardFucker · 30/10/2019 23:07

Why am I going back to work after my mat leave to pay tax for you to sit on your ass doing nothing all day?

How many people do you know with a 6 month old baby that sit on their ass and do nothing all day? You should get some new friends!

skintbutok · 30/10/2019 23:07

Have a look at the entitledto website. It will give you an idea of what you could expect.

Whatwouldbigfatfannydo · 30/10/2019 23:08

You clearly didn't think you were being unreasonable at all, since you only seem to have noticed the pp agreeing with your pathetically lazy plan Wink

Mumofboth · 30/10/2019 23:08

I don’t know why you’re getting slated OP. This is the sad reality that people are faced with. But with one child and being married, it’s unlikely you’ll get much help, if any. Could you live on your husbands wage? We got into horrible debt after my second because the cost of childcare was higher than my wage. Could you work part time which would reduce childcare costs? Or look at part time jobs. I feel for you, it’s a shit position to be in.

Original poster
UniversalCreditOrNo · 30/10/2019 23:09

@TrainspottingWelsh the judgement is there because my MIL was perfectly capable of getting a job when her eldest started school. Instead she will gladly tell you how it was better money to go on benefits than get a job 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
TieYourTie · 30/10/2019 23:10

Have you actually been on any online benefit calculators? Why is it you would post this query here on Mumsnet specifically? Are you after practical and financial advice or are you wanting to vent about the costs of childcare? First port of call should be an online calculator such as EntitledTo to see if going onto Universal Credit would even be feasible for your family.

Whatwouldbigfatfannydo · 30/10/2019 23:11

I don’t know why you’re getting slated OP.

Hmm maybe because she expects to sit back and have other people fund her poor lifestyle choices?? Hmm

AllTheGoodUNsTaken · 30/10/2019 23:12

What hours does your dp work? Could you do part time work around his hours to help bring money in? You won't get very much if anything on UC.
Check if you or your partner might be entitled to tax credits.

LimpidPools · 30/10/2019 23:12

It may have been possible when your partner was young OP, but provision has been scaled back a lot.

You would do best to put your family's income details into an online benefit calculator and see what the outcome is. I don't think it'll be in your favour.

Also, as PPs have said, you need to consider your own financial security, especially if you're not married, and how difficult you are likely to find it to get back into work in the future.

You'll have to sift through the replies you get here very carefully though. Whilst I can see your dilemma, it is one that an awful lot of people face. It's one of the reasons why the "working poor" are so often reliant on food banks etc. It isn't right and it's understandable that you should start thinking around it. But people get very irate about the idea that "their" taxes should fund others to "stay at home all day".

The wages/taxation/benefits system/economy etc is the real problem, but we're all encouraged to blame each other. Twas ever thus.

TheBeesKnee · 30/10/2019 23:12

You're thinking about this backwards. Why is the nursery fees only coming out of your salary? You as a family would be £30 a week better off with you in work.

Plus you would be adding to your pension, NI and CV by working. Have a look at how difficult it is for women to get back into work after years at home with the baby.

Also to abuse the benefits system is morally reprehensible.

Mumtotwo82 · 30/10/2019 23:13

Can't your partner support you and the baby financially until the child is old enough say to go to nursery or school. Then you can look for work. I mean if you can and you want to then be a stay at home mum and look after your baby. Maybe see what support you are entitled to but 20k a year is definitely doable to live off as long as you live within means, plus you will get child benefit.

Original poster
UniversalCreditOrNo · 30/10/2019 23:14

@TieYourTie I was looking for real life experience I guess...of how people make it work.

Some people have been lovely and honest and given me great feedback and something to think about, opposite shift patterns for one. I just asked what I thought was a simple question....now I feel like I absolute shit for even considering it. Sad

I just don't want to leave my little girl with a total stranger all day and then be almost entirely out of pocket for the privilege. It seems so wrong.

OP posts:
CanICelebrate · 30/10/2019 23:14

I am a teacher (and when dc were little I earned more than dh) and worked evenings and weekends tutoring for a while so I could be at home in the day with dc. I did so many hours to make just enough money and it was more tiring than working in a school as I got in late most evenings but that was the choice I made. Never once would I have expected to claim benefits so I could have an easier life.

raspberryk · 30/10/2019 23:14

You'll be eligible for help with childcare costs in some form or another so in reality it would be better than youve described. Generally the childcare costs go down the as they get older and your wages should go up.
You'll be in a much better position in a few years than if you didn't go back to work.
On your dp salary it's highly unlikely you'd get any assistance if you didn't work.

You could look for something part time in a field that uses your degree/has better prospects and progression.

I strongly advise you don't give up work, it is very hard to get back in to decent employment!

Original poster
UniversalCreditOrNo · 30/10/2019 23:15

@LimpidPools what a fabulous answer....thank you so much.

OP posts:
BillHadersNewWife · 30/10/2019 23:15

Your partner should pay the nursery fees...you should be pooling your income. Then when she leaves nursery for school, you will be better off.

Mumofboth · 30/10/2019 23:16

@Whatwouldbigfatfannydo but that’s not what the OP said. She said that the cost of childcare is more than her wage. Totally different as far as I’m concerned.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/10/2019 23:16

Can your partner support you to stay at home with your baby? Is he the father?

CanICelebrate · 30/10/2019 23:17

We made it work by being flexible and I don’t regret it. It gave me 18 months at home in the day with dc. The only issue was that I hardly saw dh for a year as I worked all weekend and most evenings.

sam221 · 30/10/2019 23:17

Why don't you look at how to become a childminder? Or part time nanny(offering reduced because your child will be present), that way you could look after own child and earn at the same time.

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