To think I can go on benefits instead of returning to work?

[UniversalCreditOrNo]

NC for this.

Let me start off by saying this....up until
February last year, I have never not been in work. I got my first job at 13, was working full time and living alone at age 21 (before which I worked 25 hours a week alongside my studies) and it was only last year when I decided to go travelling that I ever found myself without employment. I got pregnant at the end of my travels, and here is where I find myself.

My daughter is now 6 months old. In 3 months time, I’m supposed to go back to work. How do people afford to do it? Childcare is £56 a day where I am. On my current minimum wage job that’s a take home of around £30 a week....before tax and NI.

My partner is on around £20k and I can rely on family for 1 day a week childcare. So here’s my AIBU. Can I go on benefits, instead of going back to work? Is that a thing people can do?!

I don’t know how it works. My area is universal credit....is there even such a category for this? It’s not jobseekers as I wouldn’t be looking for work, and it’s not like I’m signed off with illness or disability.

My partner is convinced we can because he doesn’t earn a lot and ‘this is precisely what the benefits system is for’. However....his mum is a serial benefits user....everything from being a stay at home single mum until her youngest was 15, until now where she’s signed off for an injury from 3 years ago she still claims is affecting her work ability All I can think of is the stigma behind choosing to go on benefits, but right now I can’t see another option.

Whether you get any Uc would depend on your rent, your age etc.

Benefits are there to support those in need, they are not a lifestyle choice. Why should others go to work and pay taxes to pay you to not work? If you can't afford childcare you need to work different hours to your DP.

I had my two eldest boys in a country where there was no maternity pay. I went back working nights when they were about 5 months old. I think you just have to do what you need to get by.

I too, wouldn't want to pay all my wages for the privilege of handing my child over to someone else, when I'd much rather do it myself.

I think the reason this thread has hit a nerve with many are comments such as 'I don't want a stranger bringing up my child', 'it wasn't so long ago women stayed at home and looked after their own children' and 'I wanted to be the one to watch my baby grow up, not someone else.'
Many of us have to rely on 'strangers' to help bring up our children so we can pay our mortgage, put food on the table, pay bills etc.
I've worked full time since all of mine were babies and seeing comments about how some feel entitled to stay at home is very galling. Great if you want to be a stay at home mum and can fund that lifestyle, I have lots of friends who have done just this and they've enjoyed precious time with their kids, but they certainly didn't expect others to pay for it.
@purplepolo I don't understand how universal credit is available to people who want to be stay at home mums but can't afford it. Surely that's unfair?!
Op, in terms of practical advice, work hard, take opportunities and look for a better job, if financially it's a struggle. Also budget, plan ahead and get a childminder. If you don't want to return to work your partner will need to support you or perhaps you could work evenings or weekends and split the childcare.

My son is under 1 and I’m unemployed (no maternity leave). My partner earns under 20k and we get no benefits- your question is answered 🙄

Christ in a bucket, there's some nasty little right wing bitches on here tonight. I've been on MN for 18 years and I don't think I've heard such vile vitriol spewed at one poster in all that time.

Luckily there's also some level headed women on here who understand how hard it is to hand over virtually your entire pay packet to a nursery to look after your precious baby, especially when you've worked all your life and are now adjusting to a new life as a mother. They've given some great advice.

FWIW, I felt exactly the same as OP when I had DS1 19 years ago. It felt like such a cruel con to be forced to leave him with strangers AND pay my entire wages for the privilege. I got round it by taking extended, unpaid maternity leave from my regular job and working evenings and weekends in a supermarket (allowable as outside my normal working hours) until I felt better able to cope with leaving him. DP had him while I worked and he loved having those hours with him alone. Like OP, I looked into benefits to support me staying at home with him but it wasn't possible even back then.

I really hope OP finds a solution to what is a horrible, desperate way to feel, and I hope the sanctimonious bunch of bitches that called her lazy find themselves a bit of compassion and empathy.

I had my two eldest boys in a country where there was no maternity pay. I went back working nights when they were about 5 months old. I think you just have to do what you need to get by

It's not a race to the bottom. We are living in the fifth biggest economy in the world and people are wondering whether they should go to work fulltime for £30 a week. People are still choosing between heat and food, people are still visiting food banks. People are literally dying because of a benefits system not fit for purpose. So fucking what if we have it better than the Chinese? The system is not working and never will work while we berate people like OP instead of looking at the people at the top.

FYI we survive on a very strict budget and I buy a lot off EBay until I find work. My work will also be min wage but I’ve got to start somewhere for the experience.

It’s a choice but don’t expect everyone else to fund it. If you want more time with your baby then forget your luxuries.

Work nights, evenings weekends or any time your DH doesn’t.

Haven't read all the replies. Choosing to be a SAHM and having your partner's income topped up with tax credits is a perfectly valid choice. Or isn't pathetically scrounging benefits. Going to work full time at minimum wage and putting your infant in institutionalised child care because some people think it is morally the right thing to do is absolutely batshit. It is all down to politics. In most of our parents days, one minimum wage income was enough to allow the other parent to raise their children. I would not put mine in full time childcare for minimum wage. No way hose.

OP if you are not financially better off working then don't work, your child is very young. Make savings by being home with being very thrifty with cooking from scratch etc. You can do it, also check benefits calculators.

What's confusing me though is, no one is saying that the OP is not sane not to want to go to work only to pay childcare, but my understanding is if you SAHP then you agree that your wife/husband/partner works for you all and it's "family money" SAHPs don't normally claim benefits just for SAHPing, do they? Unless extenuating circumstances

UC does act as a top up for low income households though and I think the OPs query is legit if badly phrased, basically all she's asking is would she be legally entitled to UC if she left work and the answer is yes a small amount, probably

I don't think she deserves the vitriol it's not as if she's suggesting she illegally claim things she isn't entitled to

People are a bit harsh. I can see why you would think its a pointless excercise. You would basically work for nothing and on top of it all not get to see your baby much. Thats just sh>t. And people saying how bad its for your CV blahblah. Like thats such a big deal when youre stuck in a minimum wage job.
I would suggest try to find a weekend job. Just something very part time during a time when a family member can watch your baby.

I don't know the rules regarding age of children and UC but under 1 is surely fine?

I get the debate about child care costs. They are ridiculous, I see how much I pay for my kids to be in full time care.
I'm slightly surprised and disappointed about the amount of working mum bashing taking place on this thread though. Comments such as 'women should be bringing up their own children etc' are very depressing and reinforce the guilt many working mums feel.

One of the hard realities of having a baby is that there can be a few years when childcare costs can eat up almost all of your salary and it can seem pointless to work. But it really is valuable to keep your hand in the work world. Your skills stay sharp, your career continues to develop, you keep the confidence that work brings, and in the big picture, the benefits such as pension contributions really do matter. And when your child goes to school, you won't feel lost.

You wouldn't be eligible for any benefits unless your rent is really high, look it up on a universal credit calculator.

Universal credit might pay towards childcare costs if you go back to work, again look it up on the calculator.

Sorry but I think the OP has had a very hard time even on AIBU. Where I live your combined salaries are average and it was probably the reason I had no trouble getting my DD into nursery. £56 a day sounds crazy though, you would get 20% off that surely? I earn a bit more than you and would also find childcare difficult but DH and I are getting around it by working different hours to each other.

Could you just do three days a week and then you would be paying little or no tax on those days? It wasn't long ago, before the cost of living because so high, where a couple on low wages with one part time was completely normal. I wouldn't advise not working at all though.

That should say "became" so high,

Jesus what is wrong with wanting to be with your child the first few years!? Some people are so brainwashed by our fat cat overlords its crazy. Yes put your babies into childcare, go work your arse off for the overlords and only make 30£ profit a week... it is sad.
OP I really hope you find a solution. Go to entitledto and see what you could get as a STAHM.

@user1573334 - completely agree! What a sick society we live in. The vitriol in this thread is testimony to how conditioned the majority have become to doing the wrong thing. When we had our first child we did not qualify for any benefits - but I could not physically hand my baby over to an unknown fate, regardless of the financial or career implications. Strange, isn't it, how only one letter separates 'carer' from 'career' - yet they are worlds apart!

I haven't read every single post yet but I can't see many advising the OP how they can improve their skills? It's unbelievable that so many think a person earning a low wage shouldn't have a baby, if this was the law most Cornish families would never reproduce.

You may qualify for a small amount per month out of work depending on your partner's wages and rent/mortgage. Use entitled to calculator. If you go back to work uc pay upto 85% of childcare. Try the calculator for both and see what's better.

Oh I forgot to mention maybe looking into matching betting or maybe doing surveys to make money. I am doing MB as well as looking after my baby while on maternity leave, I don't have a huge amount of time but am still managing to make on average £200 per month and that is completely tax free. Due to savings being tied up for several years which we don't have access to, we are not entitled to any UC so this extra income is making a huge difference.