DH, I believe, has a pattern of grumpiness/stress and I feel he can be overbearing, withdrawn or snappy for periods (prob rowed about this for years, but no admission of this on his part). I expect it’s work related but he’s never said as much.
All very petty on a Sat night in, DD playing with a disco light in the same room. After ten mins or so DH looks up from phone, says “please turn the lights off it’s giving me a headache and I can’t have a headache in my own home.” So I turn it off, go to phone app to switch normal lights on with a very brief delay, DH says seconds later “I don’t want to be plunged into darkness either what’s going on?”. Lights go on except one “what’s happening with this light?” Angrily said BTW. I snapped back and told him to be patient and I was doing it, did raise voice as I was irritated by his tone and impatience. But not screaming. He walks out, comes back in and says to me “I do many things but I DON’T raise my voice at people”. DS aged 8 said “yes you do”. I’m mortified the kids were party to all this. More words exchanged after the kids went to bed. Pretty much a replay of the above.
He hasn’t spoken to me since, I tried to discuss last night after kids in bed. Asked how his meeting had gone, but he mumbled and eventually said he’s still upset at me for raising my voice and playing the kids off against him.
I haven’t apologised, said it wasn’t acceptable to talk to me like that in front of the kids and that he provoked me. I shouldn’t have reacted but I’m flabbergasted at how this is playing out. I’ve tried twice to talk to him in a friendly ish manner and been blanked. I’ve never played the kids off against him, I know how damaging that can be. My elder child is quite protective of me and i think is keyed into the fact DH is the more bad tempered parent.
Last falling out was when he came home drunk after a work function, laughed at the tea I’d made him (bit of a kids tea but so what) and called a school mum I vaguely know a hag. This was about a month ago and I was very upset, but honestly I can’t remember how it was resolved.
We’ve had bereavements, job loss, moves etc to deal with over the past six or so years. How do I deal with this ridiculousness? Just go? Don’t want to feel terrorised in my own home. He’s good domestically and with the kids. I’m retraining and wonder if being responsible for just the one salary is also taking its toll.
Reposted here for traffic.