Relocation to San Francisco

[Lizbiz89]

My oh has been approached for a job in San Francisco. It's kind of come out of the blue which has shocked me slightly. We have 2 young children (2.7 and 6 month).

I'm obviously trying to be very open minded about it but I'm very hesitant. Mainly because we have a lot of family/friends close by which we will lose being so far away.

However on the other hand San Francisco is a lovely part of the world and I feel like my children may have a better lifestyle growing up in a warmer climate and beaches close by.

Does anyone have any experience of moving to the US? Would love to hear other people's opinions and experiences.

'TheoneandObi Yes, I have lived in lots of different countries, France currently, and Alaska, USA was wonderful. My dog was half-wolf, bears in the woods behind the house and whales and seals in the bay in front . Absolutely magical! Still miss it. Seattle and San Francisco special too.

I lived in Fremont for 10 years. My children were born there. We loved it. I am also over there on regular basis still with work.
You are welcome to PM me.

As part of negotiations, I highly recommend that your husband requests that you as a family spend a week over there in advance of making decision, to check out housing, schools, etc.

You have had some good replies OP.

I would suggest before making any decisions that you all go and stay out there for two or three weeks. You could rent an Air BnB or something.

I have had family living there for many years , as my father left us in the UK to live in California 45 years ago. So I have visited many times. He lived in the Bay Area - all these towns mentioned are commutable into the city so pretty pricey. I imagine it was a lot cheaper when he first bought as the computer tech industry was new and not such a big thing as it is now.

Other branches of my family live nearer to the city - working in the tech industry. The cost of living is very high. More so than in London. It's not just property - grocery shopping is crazily more expensive than here. Dining out - unless you're at fast food places - costs a lot too. Insurances and taxes will take a lot of your income.

We were over in the summer - staying with family for most of it - so limited hotel costs, but we spent a fortune.

I would say though that the climate is great. Depending on where you are it can be quite different. Nice summers in general - but just a shift in the wind and you'll need a jumper/jacket on. However i don't mind that. There are some wonderful beaches. It's unlikely you'd be swimming in the sea - it's cold and wild. But beautiful light. Food is fabulous - there is something for everyone.

Driving requires concentration. The freeways are always busy - and I saw quite a lot of bashed up cars. You will probably find that you need to drive pretty much everywhere.

If you plan to go for a fixed term and then return then I would say definitely go for it. If it is that you will be there indefinitely then maybe think harder and think about what you will do for work. You should probably get married first too to make visa applications easier/possible.

Thank for all of the replies. They've really been so helpful. @MomOfTwoGirls2 I will definitely mention that to my oh when he negotiates. That's a very good idea.

I would definitely ask for a ticket and a relocation agent for yourself but having done this scouting trip with and without dc it is much easier without them. You can really focus without them rather than trying to manage jet lagged dc and make important decisions.

I definitely agree - go out there without children and get the company to hire a relocation agent to show you around. The real estate agents here in the US know the areas inside out and will drive you around, show you the areas that will meet your needs, talk about schools, childcare, camps, shopping, healthcare, commuting, etc.

If you decide to move OP, come onto the Living Overseas forum. There are lots of us living in the US and we can help, answer questions, etc.

I have absolutely loved living in the US, personally, and the idea of moving back to the UK fills me with horror.

Having said that, right now we have extreme winds blowing outside my house and I'm ready to go out and start the generator if the power goes out, my daughter has gone to a college 1700 miles away, and we spend about $18k a year altogether on healthcare - these are the normal realities of life in the US.

It's an amazing opportunity but I also totally understand your hesitation.

We are relocating to the US early next year but we spent a while weighing everything up.

Our DCs are primary school age and I do wish we could have done this when they were younger as they are so much more portable and then you can connect into toddler groups hopefully to meet people.

Do you want to work? Check the visa you'll have as you may not be able to.

Cost of health insurance and medical care is my biggest worry. Even with insurance you usually have to pay a % for medical treatment, unless the package your DH gets is v generous.

Make sure you are offered a trip out before you commit to going if at all possible. We had 5 days out there recently and it helped me decide that we could make it work.

In the end I figured we will never get this opportunity again and there are so many amazing places to visit and kids will benefit from living in a different culture. We are only planning to be there 3 years though...

All the best, it is a risk but hopefully will be well worth it!

If the job package is great and covers expenses well then I say you should go ! Children are young enough to enjoy it and not have to worry about the impact on school yet.
I think it would be a great experience for your family

My only concern would be earthquakes but I would do it though.

Check finances out though, a friend did this & their fairly average family home in the nice bit was about $9000 a month rent (2018)

Depends. How much will he earn? A friend of mine was a niche IT specialist, they moved him for over a million usd per year. They had one child when they lived, have 2 now.

Umm ... I think I might work where your husband is going to work - pm me - we left the UK when the kids were babies and they are now in high school here - maybe we can chat on the phone ? We love it here but you need to know the pros and cons to make the right decision for you

Another factor - google ‘accidental Americans and tax’. My DD was born there and is going to renounce her citizenship next summer because of the ghastly tax implications. You imagine it’s an advantage to have US birth but it’s not! If you want to work there and are good enough companies will employ you whatever your nationality. The IRS on the other hand wants its sticky mitts on your earnings and inheritance if you were born there. Boris Johnson went through the process in 2016. It’ll cost us £2000+ but be worth it in the long term

The OP and her family aren't going to be American so it's not really an issue.

DH is an American who lived a lot of his life outside the US. You have to be a high earner for the IRS to get you to pay tax when you're not living in the US - he was on well over £100k and didn't have to pay anything. However FBAR does make things like opening bank accounts outside the US complicated.

@Lizbiz89 read @FizzyGreenWater’s post a few times and let it sink in. I know a woman who had to leave her child behind when her marriage ended after relocating abroad.

My advice is don’t do it.

It's ridiculously expensive, but amazing ! Even if you are London based, triple your costs as an idea, you'll need two cars too. Ideally get accommodation paid for for the first year. My kids lived in the us for their early years and we loved it

No way would I go with such small kids. This is the time when you need support from friends and family.

Couple of other things, spouses can rarely work and you have to be married to get a spouse visa. Healthcare is a nightmare, we were paying $300 a month on top of his company's contribution 15 years ago and you'll have either a copay or deductible (avoid the latter 10% of a large bill is bankruptcy!) get specialist advice negotiating. Preschool isn't free at all (no 15 hours) and school starts a year later remember. Kids activities are plentiful but cost $$$ compared to the U.K. though there's some free social programmes. Finally annual leave is appalling, 15 days a year is common

I know, Lobster. My point was about children BORN there. My DS was a toddler when we moved but my DD was born there so has the issue which needs solving fairly urgently since she is about to graduate with a very marketable degree. The OP may be planning to have more children, and if they’re born in SF they will encounter this problem. Ok it’s not huge, but it needs addressing at some point.
Also my OH had huge problems when we returned, with the IRS insisting he filed twice a year even two years after our return to the UK. They have long tentacles!
Having said all that, as I said upthread, the family adventure we had in the US was brilliant and on balance id say, go.

@LadyBrienne very interesting, maybe it is the same company! I will definitely pm you. Not sure how you pm on the mumsnet app though?
@Lockshunkugel it's definitely something I'm not taking lightly. Sounds horrific what some mothers have gone through when separating from their husbands out there.

@TheoneandObi another thing to definitely think about although we are not planning on having any more children. But again I didn't realise that could happen! Learning so much from this thread.

The weather might be an issue for some. My brother lives there and he misses the seasons.

@morriseysquif oh yes I know all about missing the seasons. I used to live in Cape Town and Christmas just wasn't the same without the bad weather 😂.

Also my OH had huge problems when we returned, with the IRS insisting he filed twice a year even two years after our return to the UK. They have long tentacles!

I've never heard of the IRS forcing anyone to file twice a year. Why was that? I'm self-employed so I pay estimated tax four times a year but I still only file once a year.

DH and I have lived in and out of the US for the last 20 years on a variety of visas. Yes the IRS aren't much fun to deal with, but IMO it's been worth it for the experience of being able to move there easily. I certainly wouldn't be encouraging my children to renounce their citizenship because of the tax issues. I'd rather spend the money on an accountant. As I said, we've never had to pay the IRS any taxes from abroad despite being high earners and owning/renting out property abroad, and DH has filed 32 years of IRS tax returns at this point.

avoid the latter 10% of a large bill is bankruptcy!

This was 15 years ago, yes? Health insurance policies have an out-of-pocket limit since the ACA. For a family in 2019 this is $15,800. I'd be very surprised if the OP's company insurance has an out-of-pocket this high though.