Relocation to San Francisco

[Lizbiz89]

My oh has been approached for a job in San Francisco. It's kind of come out of the blue which has shocked me slightly. We have 2 young children (2.7 and 6 month).

I'm obviously trying to be very open minded about it but I'm very hesitant. Mainly because we have a lot of family/friends close by which we will lose being so far away.

However on the other hand San Francisco is a lovely part of the world and I feel like my children may have a better lifestyle growing up in a warmer climate and beaches close by.

Does anyone have any experience of moving to the US? Would love to hear other people's opinions and experiences.

Hubby was asked my boss if he wanted to relocate to NY and he laughed in his face and said you'd ask one of the only black men with black kids if they want to move somewhere like the US

ChilledBee my friend who moved from London to SF is black, as is her DH and child. They're happy. Daily life in America is not a constant dodging of police brutality.

@Mascarponeandwine at the moment he's still going through the interviews with them. He would negotiate the package with them once he was offered the job officially. Like I said I think it would all boil down to the salary and package offered. We have a comfortable life here with me not working at the moment, so I wouldn't want that to change that for the worse. Although in the next few years I do plan going back to work hopefully.

@missyoumuch

Then your friend would have told you that black people are in the minority in San Fran.

Here is something written by a black person in SF:
www.google.com/amp/s/thebolditalic.com/amp/p/3b840be589cc

I would never want to be a “trailling spouse” so am biased!

Are you married? You say OH not DH. If not married then, unless you’re personally wealthy, returning to work should be a high priority and living abroad would delay that.

The US is very, very expensive for family living.

We didn't make the move in the end because the company's immigration lawyer couldn't get it through despite DH already being employed by the company for the previous 4 years. DH was after an expat contract to retain his employment rights and holidays.
A friend's sister is currently stuck unable to work or even volunteer because of her visa - she's with her husband who was headhunted to go. She's bored rigid.
They both now have a problem with being in limbo on visas because the quota for last quarter was full. Yes, despite them having the visas and just needed them renewing, they are stuck and can't leave the US as they won't get back in. They've been told it will be done this quarter.

Look carefully at insurances, education, holiday entitlements as well as considering what you'd do in the event of a family emergency back home. It might be a good flight connection but still a long way. The children are young enough for it to work.

@ChilledBee I am BAME, I lived in the US (but not in California) for many years and am quite familiar with the racial dynamics there. It is perfectly possible for black people to have a good life even better than one they had in the UK depending on their individual situation. Your DH was silly to turn down an opportunity to go to NY just because he is black but maybe that's not the real situation but sounds like a cool story when posted online.

Sorry, you’ve said you’re not married. Definitely don’t go without being married - you have already taken huge personal financial risk with not WoH.

“ You only regret what you didn't do!” Disagree strongly with this. I and several others I know regret living abroad.

Yeah I think if you're being shot dead by the police literally because of the colour of your skin, it is understandable that you wouldn't want to live in such a country. Especially considering you'll be charged for any treatment if you're lucky enough to survive to make it to the hospital.

I made a mistake with the last link thebolditalic.com/the-dream-vs-reality-on-being-black-in-san-francisco-8a77f2176d1a

@ChilledBee I don't know why you're arguing with me. Of course there are police racial problems in America but it is not universal. It is not that case that 100% of black people are harrassed or attacked by the police. And as a BAME who also lived in London trust me it happens in the UK also, only difference is the police are not armed.

Anyway your position is not based on personal experience and probably not helpful to the OP. If you want to discuss this in more detail make a new thread.

You would need to negotiate the cost of private education as part of the package.

Dh worked in SFO for 18 months a few years ago.

I did not move with him then as the DC were both in primary school and I was also working.

But if it wasn't for those 2 things, I definitely would have gone - it's a great state and a wonderful opportunity. We had 2 amazing holidays there while he was working out there.

DH lived in downtown SFO which suited him well, with a family I'd probably go to the suburbs.

Don't worry about the scare-mongerers 'worst case scenarios'. But the wildfires are a real thing.

And I would plan to come back before the kids start school - I do not think the US education system is as good.

The city of San Francisco is one of the finest in the world.

Yes, like any large US city, there are pockets of homelessness & high crime, but it's perfectly possible to avoid those.

I'd also watch this week's episode of The Americas with Simon Reeve to get a good balanced view of what California is like.

@missyoumuch

Hideously expensive and I'd be worried about health insurance. Wouldn't move my kids to a country where we can only get healthcare if we pay. Plus Trump. Yeah... No.

This was my first post and is very much based on Personal Experience. Pre Obama, a cousin moved to the US with her family for her husband's work. They were given health care insurance initially but she was dropped when she got breast cancer. They gave her a mastectomy but nothing else. No chemo. No radiotherapy. No reconstruction. Nothing. They came back. They werent eligible for NHS treatment due to the time they were gone officially but nobody brought it up even though all the medical staff knew where she was diagnosed etc and she got treatment. Still died about 2 years later, mind.

And I would plan to come back before the kids start school - I do not think the US education system is as good.

Honestly the public schools in college towns like Palo Alto or Berkeley are usually excellent as professors aren't paid enough to afford private schools. I really don't think you can generalise. US public schools are locally funded so each town/city varies widely.

I would do it, IF the package is generous (SF is hideously expensive).
we’ve done 2 relocations with small kids, not an issue. from school age on it’s getting difficult, from secondary age especially, but before - no problat all.
but have a very, very close and critical look at the package!

I moved to SF with DHs job nearly 20 years ago before we had children. Luckily as I worked in a multinational I was able to transfer with my own job fairly seamlessly.

We both earned very good money and rented a gorgeous place in Noe Valley, an upmarket area within the city.

The lifestyle was amazing. Skiing at the weekends in the winter, hiking, kayaking and wine tasting the rest of the year.

The homelessness and inequality was upsetting even back then. I volunteered in a project related to my professional skills and the absolute poverty I dealt with in the evenings compared to the obscene wealth I saw all day was very difficult to handle.

I think one of the biggest drawbacks is simply that it is very far away. The east coast is more manageable for going on short trips home and even talking to people at home. The west coast not so much. This could be an issue if either of you have older parents.

Like I said I think it would all boil down to the salary and package offered.

Exactly. You need to do the maths once you know what sort of package is on offer.

I love SF as a tourist and I could picture living there or there abouts.
We were expats in the US (and other countries) and loved the experience. Family visited a lot and we visited the UK at least once a year for a long break. It was different but the kids still saw a lot of their relatives.
We had housing, health insurance, schooling (private if local schools not suitable) flights and all relocation costs paid for.

It ended up meaning we could save a lot of money.

If the job is in Newark, then places to look at are Pleasanton, Livermore, and the outskirts of San Jose. Everyone commutes long distances. Dh drove 1.5 hours each way. But it's all freeway.
Moutain View and places towards SF are even more expensive.
My friend just sold her late parents home in Mountain View, the house she grew up in buitl in the 70's I saw the pictures, it needed complete renovation but was a generous size with a massive yard, front and back. It went for nearly a million as it was. It also sold in just a couple of days with no repairs done.

Do research on the cost of living, not just rent. For example groceries and eating out are so much more expensive than in the UK!

Visit and thoroughly explore the city before you commit to moving - It is lovely overall but the insane levels of homelessness and drug abuse make parts of the city feel like a zombie apocalypse! Some of the BART stations are especially appalling.

I'm completely bemused by the people saying it's freezing. I would describe it as a pleasant, temperate maritime climate, not dissimilar to the southern UK. Yes, it has the foggy mornings, but I found it was nice to be somewhere in California where you could wear a sweater once in a while (after a couple of years in LA metro where I felt perpetually sweaty and uncomfortable as soon as I stepped out of range of AC). I have a vivid recollection of tee shirt weather at Christmas. Not sure what kind of weather pp were hoping for that SF is 'freezing'.

I haven't been to Newark for 15 years - the company I worked for had offices either side of the Dumbarton Bridge.

From what I remember at the time, Newark was just about affordable to live in, but didn't have a huge selection of restuarants (mostly the usual strip mall type things), and didn't really have nice high street area. Palo Alto is the other side of the bay (linked by the bridge) so you can go over there for cinema etc. Newark isn't on the BART network, I think you'd have to go to Fremont to pick that up.

BUT! I imagine that the prices in Newark have shot up as Facebook took over a large campus (Menlo Park) on the other side of the Dumbarton Bridge so there will be a lot more tech people probably wanting to live in Newark. As Facebook canteen is open all day into the evening it's likely that though more people want to live in the region, the services like restaurants won't have seen a big boost. It's not that handy for San Francisco - think of it like living in Essex and going to London.

I would have a look at the following

• accommodation costs. You'll probably be looking at $3000+ a month
• Will you be able to work?
• Childcare/schools/doctors
• Hidden costs like healthcare, running 2 cars

The package will probably sound spectacular, but think of the costs that you'll be taking on and get a balance before committing.

Weather wise - it can be breezy in the Bay Area, you get rainy days, murky cloudy days, but most often you get crisp blue sky days. I've walked around wearing t shirts in November.

We lived on the East Coast with young children for a couple of years before we moved back to the Uk. Had an opportunity to move to SF a couple of years back but turned it down - it was more expensive than London and the package just wasn’t good enough that it would have involved a better lifestyle (which for me it has to justify loss of local family), I hadn’t realised that SF is a lot colder than I understood anywhere in California to be be so wasn’t going to involve an all year round beach lifestyle that I was hoping for lol!

@ChilledBee

I live in an East Coast city and it's incredibly diverse, majority non-white.
I think you could have a great life here - the US is so massive that every state is very different. Who's in the White House probably wouldn't impact you at all.

@Nogoodusername

Similar situation here, my SIL would love us to move closer to them in SF but we'd lose our current quality of life due to the cost. I wouldn't mind the temperate weather though!