Relocation to San Francisco

[Lizbiz89]

My oh has been approached for a job in San Francisco. It's kind of come out of the blue which has shocked me slightly. We have 2 young children (2.7 and 6 month).

I'm obviously trying to be very open minded about it but I'm very hesitant. Mainly because we have a lot of family/friends close by which we will lose being so far away.

However on the other hand San Francisco is a lovely part of the world and I feel like my children may have a better lifestyle growing up in a warmer climate and beaches close by.

Does anyone have any experience of moving to the US? Would love to hear other people's opinions and experiences.

And I would plan to come back before the kids start school - I do not think the US education system is as good.

We've found the US public education system to be excellent, but it really does vary according to where you live. One of my kids started in the UK then moved to the US system. The other two have been in the US system from the start. Small classes, properly-paid teachers, excellent facilities, good SEN support.

Pre Obama, a cousin moved to the US with her family for her husband's work. They were given health care insurance initially but she was dropped when she got breast cancer.

This was legal pre-Obamacare but not any more. The issue now is the cost of insurance and out-of-pocket costs, rather than the risk of being dropped or treatments not being covered.

I think Trump reversed that rule about insurance companies. If he hasn't, he probably will at some point. He definitely wants to.

Trump tried to reverse many of the Obamacare rules when he had control of both House and Senate, but he couldn't get enough support to do so - not even from his own party.

Taking away coverage of pre-existing conditions is political suicide. "Wanting to" is not going to make it happen. Trump no longer controls the House so the chances are miniscule.

The child kidnapping issue is what would put me off.

There was a thread about it on here and it was awful.

Also knew a similar issue irl.

No ££££ is worth that.

Oh wow SF is just amazing. Go for it!

No way.. been a couple of times and really don’t like the feel of it at all

Friend moved out a few years ago. Education decision was expensive house good state education (PTA raise $1million/year, small class sizes etc; cheap house need private education. They got 2 return flights home a year, health insurance and UK holiday entitlement. They ended up staying. She lives North of SF - the climate is fantastic - warmer that SF, no fog, she worries about earthquakes, school shootings, the electricity supply atm is pretty shit, health care is more expensive, food costs a fortune but it's such a nice place to live. We were very tempted to move there...they really have an amazing lifestyle but our kids are at the end of secondary so the wrong time for a move. If my kids were pre school I'd do it - why not, if you can get an amazing package.

Hi OP, I've not read through all the replies but wanted to add my two pence worth as we had this decision a few years ago.

I've always been in the "don't regret..." but within 72 hours of arriving in Ca, we'd made up our mind to stay in the UK. I loved it in SF/SV it was great loads to do, great weather (mostly!), loved the people and so much choice when it comes to eating out!--

But we would have moved out with my husband on a US contract meaning US holiday allocation (12 days to his current 30ish), fewer rights and securities (we would have to fund our return to the UK if we changed our minds/had to return). Before we went out we had a brief look at housing but the reality of the hat we could afford (on a substantial salary was really rather depressingly. Since we made our decision we've heard stories of colleagues who are paying a small fortune for a crappy apartment. Looking further out would mean longer commutes (and travelling around during rush hour is really quite laborious). The quality of property we have here vs what we would have been able to afford there was one of the defining reasons we didn't move out.

Education was another factor (it may have changed but our understanding was that primary education is a lower standard than here in the UK) admittedly though, we didn't look/investigate further as our first was only young.

I think the key thing for us was to visit as a family, spend several weeks out there and investigate everything. I think had we had the opportunity a few years before (just married, no children) we would have snapped it up, but children added in another layer of complexity.

There are some great meet up websites and local/expat Mum groups. I'd suggest having a look at maybe getting out for a visit and meeting with them. I did and it was great to speak to other people in the same situation. I really loved it out there and can't wait to visit again soon, but ultimately I'm pleased we stayed in the UK.

Good luck with your decision!

Please can we gloss over the ridiculous number of errors in that post.

It is incredibly expensive as others have said.

It is the most rich and poor divided place that I have been to in the USA- been to SF 3 times in last 18 months and the USA 20 odd times in the same period.

The homelessness is shocking and the untreated mental health of young people, especially those with autism is alarming.

SF itself is colder in Winter- the surrounding areas are warmer. SF in Feb was coat weather but Nappa was sweater weather. By comparison I then went to Denver which was very snowy and full winter gear.

If you are not married to him you have no legal protections, no matter what country you’re in, this has huge ramifications in all aspects of life, eg. rights, next of kin, being his family legally, employers choosing to employ him as a (legally) single man, pensions, taxes, benefits, childcare, being allowed to take children abroad, etc.

Do you have a career? Would you be able to work?

Do not even think of going until you are married.

I seem to recall the H1B and L1 visas don't allow you to bring a partner unless you're married.

Also I had no idea about the potential nightmare with getting your children back if you chose to split. Obviously my oh and I are very happy but I do know you have to cautious about those things

May be Ok if you CHOOSE to split. But many women don’t have the choice as their partner opts for fun new Gf and young free and single lifestyle while seeing the kids EOW. while you are stuck there with the kids in poverty because you don’t have a work visa. And no family support of course.

Of course you think you are happy now - most people think that. But a third to a half of us will split up. Are you willing to gamble that it wont be you ?

Sorry but Id never put my children at such risk for the sake of my partners career.

What will be your visa situation as you are not married ?

@KristinaM makes a really important point, and you don't tell us if your DH is a Brit or a yank? If he is a yank and you split up - and it can happen to anyone - you'd likely be in for a world of pain both as a foreigner and having no right to work (green card). He'd automatically get custody and that's you done for 18 years. Just saying if he's a yank, think very very very carefully here.

If the job is in Newark, the next town over (Fremont) has good schools. And it's a BART ride from San Francisco itself.

It's relatively safe and pleasant, and you'll find relatively cosmopolitan Bay Area attitudes, if only because there are so many immigrant engineers, but that part of the East Bay is nothing like San Francisco. It's mostly new housing developments: little residential enclaves, mini-malls, multi-lane roads. You'll need to drive everywhere.

Highly doubt someone who is married to an American would be "shocked" that he'd been approached for a job there.

For the record I know someone who moved to the US with her spouse - both non-Americans. He left her for a new partner and she was able to successfully win the case in court to take her and her DCs back to their home country. She did have to spend on legal fees obviously so it wasn't cheap, but it's not impossible. And their home country is a developing country not somewhere like the UK.

I relocated from England to SF, have lived here for 7 years.

1. It's not freezing
2. We're not indifferent to homelessness (which is a real problem in all large California cities)
3. It IS hideously expensive

It's the most beautiful place I've ever lived but the culture shock was quite a surprise. As well as being an 11 hour flight away, it's also 8 hours time difference (most of the year) which can make it hard to find a good time for calls home.

If you are in Newark or elsewhere in the East Bay you may find you spend very little time in SF itself (and it will be quite a bit warmer!) because 30 miles doesn't sound far but the Bay Area traffic is absolutely horrendous.

Having said all of that, I am very happy here and it's the best decision I ever made. Feel free to PM me if it would be helpful.

My oh isn't American. My grandma does have a duel American/British passport so I'm not sure whether that would make a difference as far as my rights go?

We will definitely look into carefully. If that means making sure we get married before we, we certainly will. I'm definitely one to do my due diligence before committing to anything.

Thanks @noodlezoodle , I will definitely message you if we decide to go.

We're just waiting for the next stages of his interviews and then the negotiations.

At the end of the day the most important thing is my children are safe and happy wherever we go. I want them to have the best quality of life possible.

The UK would be better then!

I think that to get a spouse visa you have to be married, I certainly had to submit my marriage certificate when I applied for mine. I’m not sure what kind of visa you could get to accompany a non- married partner. Look on the US immigration website for information. You should check what type of visa your husband (to be ) will have, to make sure that you can work on yours if you want to.

My oh isn't American. My grandma does have a duel American/British passport so I'm not sure whether that would make a difference as far as my rights go?

Depends at what age she lived in the USA, it is very complex. Where was your parent born etc, how much time has your parent lived in the USA and at what age. Is she dual registered for tax?

£700k gets you a shack in Santa Cruz.
The high housing cost means that scores of people are living in tents on the beach (which is now littered with needles).
My family have just moved away from there to Scott's valley. (To an area threatened by forset fires).
Do your research thoroughly.

I've looked at houses to rent in Fremont and it is very doable based on what salary my oh is likely to get. We also own a home here with a low mortgage in the uk, so we willl get rent as well which is an extra bonus when it comes to finances.

My grandma was born in America but hasn't lived there since she was a child so I guess that's a no go.

Just heavily depends on the package offered and what my rights will be with the children. Plus I'd like to be able to afford to put my children into nursery occasionally as I will have no support from family.