CoatZilla and the Barbour Boy- The Second Saga

[LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut]

Hey everyone!

Bloody hell, in all my years of MNing I've never had a response like this, I was really helped by loads of your replies, and loads made me giggle (Roast Potatoes!!) and loads made good points.

I'm sorry I can't reply to specific posts but seriously there's so many.

or for everyone who replied and is sticking with me.

So on to the update.....

CoatZilla, henceforth to be known as CZ, text again last night....

Here it is word for word.
mate, your obviously upset and that was never my intention. I'm sorry that we argued, I honestly didn't see the conversation going that way when I brought it up. I think it's better we let the dust settle for tonight in honesty. Probably best to have a calm conversation tomorrow evening?

My reply....
Yeah tomorrow evening much better I think

And she didn't come back last night (good!)

So she's made a mistake anyway......cos Dad was actually out last night ! So we'll all be sitting there when she comes back.

My plan is, to write a list of bullet points for tonight of things she definitely said, so I can't forget and she can't back out of it or claim she didn't say it (I also remembered another bit in the fucking row- where she went "Oh, so a fucking ghost did it?" in that tone of voice- fucking horrible)

Also to sit calmly and let her explain to my lovely Dad and DP that she thinks they might have maliciously cut her coat.

Then see what she says!

TBH unless she fucking grovels on her knees (not likely after that fucking last text- minimization or what??) I'm going to be asking her to pack her stuff.

I'm not being "spurred on by hysterical posters"

I have read all the replies, some have opened my eyes, some have been excusing, some have told me not to rock the friendship boat....overall I have taken a middle(ish) ground.....but tbh it's clear she is
a) weird/horrible enough to think that of her oldest friend and her family
b) fucking vicious in a row
c) now backtracking massively

So....thoughts???

And again for the troll hunters in the back......my username currently is always "LanaKanesomething", and I've had various other names going back years.....so bloody well report me and see what MN has to say, yeah?

I think the important thing is we’ve all learned never bring a knife to a gun fight never bring roasties to a coat fight (just a little humor before tonight - I really do hope it goes okay, everyone stays calm, and she doesn’t just try to drown your poor DP and Ddad in crocodile tears or upset your house’s supernatural entities, the non coat-rippin’ ghosts).

I'd be making liberal use of silence and the following phrases.

Go on
Tell me more
What do you mean?
That's a peculiar thing to think. total silence from you at this point is essential. She breaks the silence
What do you want to happen here?
I'm struggling to see your intention / where you are going with this.

She'll either backtrack as she realises she has been a lunatic or she'll have to clearly articulate the accusations. I'd make her repeat any accusation multiple times. "What exactly are you saying?" "I don't understand what you think happened. Spell it out please?" "Really?" "Say that again" "I think I must have misunderstood. Come again?"

I agree with the coat being off the back of a lorry.

Or, she wants to live elsewhere and is hoping you kick her out so she can paint you as the guilty party.

If she backtracks, I'd suggest she immediately arranges a night out with the mates and Barbour Boy and you so they all know there was a big misunderstanding and everything is FINE.

I would decide in my own mind to make damn sure I don't sub her so much as an old roast potato from now on.

I would also call your mutual friends and say you are worried about X, she's gone loco, do they know what's going with her, if she's on drugs you need to know what with having a child and an old man in the house and all.

I've just remembered a big Barbour-tearing moment in my experience: years ago, older couple (though prolly a smidge younger than DH and I are now!) , both great cyclists, dying to have a go on our Pashley tandem.

He was riding helmsman and she, stoker, as we did, there not being room on the back for long gangly legs, and I advised her to get into the saddle before they took off and let him balance it, but she decided to be one foot on the ground, one on the pedal, how you would start a single bike. Inevitably she was hopping to get up when he started, lost the pedal and the saddle caught her at waist level and Riiip! A foot long tear right down to the hem. So they do indeed tear.

If she still accuses I'd go with:

"If you really think that, you'd better pack and go right now. I can't risk you making any more false accusations and I doubt you would want to stay in a house with people you think are so crazy. I'll have to be present of course so we know what state everything is in. I will call to come over to be a neutral observer. I can't risk you claiming I've damaged anything else. You won't want to risk me doing what you think I've been doing. I'll call her now."

Make sure you have incredulous concerned face & tone when dealing with any mutual friends. X must be on glue or having a breakdown (which might actually be true).

Oh, what SchadenfiendeUnmortified said! It was a coat that fell off the back of a lorry and somebody sliced the security tag out and she only noticed later!

Thank you for crediting me with this much sense, NearlyGranny, but it was Slidey who had this inspired thought.

Im desperate for the update !

never bring roasties to a coat fight

And Lana - never, EVER feed her so much as a breath mint again!

My new, considered and well thought out theory..

Barbour boy or some other friend she doesn't want to lose face in front of, spotted rip, suggested it came from security tag and she's bought a stolen coat... and so to save face she's concocted this random tale about how you did it/your family did it, rather than admit she's a muppet...

Nope. Barbourella stole the coat.

Is she not back yet then. Suspense is killing me 😫

I'm wondering if Barbour boy sold the friend the knock off coat. She noticed the tag tear later & mentioned it to him & he's covered his backseat by blaming the OP. Friend knows OP better though & didn't have to listen to Toxic Barbour Boy 🤔

Arghhhhhhh the suspense!!!!

I so wish I was a fly on the wall when she comes back.

Barbourella III: Cutting One's Coat to One's Means.

Are you going to mention the knockoff coat/security tag idea?

Hopefully it will not get too heated. Say as little as possible and hopefully this situation will die down a bit.

17 years of friendship are not to be sniffed at and maybe you wont ever be quite as close again but I can see this being water under the bridge a year from now so long as you say as little as possible,

Wouldn't it be funny if your (ex) friend 'A' was called Ann.

You could then rename the thread Barbour- Ann (Beach Boys -cringe.....😳)

Hope you are OK op and you remain calm, hopefully she will come in apologise and move out so you can get some friendship back.

Can anyone link to the original thread? Somehow this one has passed me by!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3729185-Massive-weird-row-with-friend

For @ginyogarepeat

Another thread waiting for the Op to return 👀

OP said they were talking this evening, it's highly likely discussions are ongoing.

I had a really tense misunderstanding with a friend
after my second baby and before her wedding. We totally found our way back from that but probably wouldnt have if we'd really gone for it with the "how could you"s etc

Less said the better.

Good luck.

Im not saying let her stay forever but less said about the jacket, what she must have thought, how that shocked you, her tests on barbourboy',s jacket, all of that say nothing.

I recommend saying breezily " time for a bit of space, for the sake of our frienship".

Good luck 🍀🍀