CoatZilla and the Barbour Boy- The Second Saga

[LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut]

Hey everyone!

Bloody hell, in all my years of MNing I've never had a response like this, I was really helped by loads of your replies, and loads made me giggle (Roast Potatoes!!) and loads made good points.

I'm sorry I can't reply to specific posts but seriously there's so many.

or for everyone who replied and is sticking with me.

So on to the update.....

CoatZilla, henceforth to be known as CZ, text again last night....

Here it is word for word.
mate, your obviously upset and that was never my intention. I'm sorry that we argued, I honestly didn't see the conversation going that way when I brought it up. I think it's better we let the dust settle for tonight in honesty. Probably best to have a calm conversation tomorrow evening?

My reply....
Yeah tomorrow evening much better I think

And she didn't come back last night (good!)

So she's made a mistake anyway......cos Dad was actually out last night ! So we'll all be sitting there when she comes back.

My plan is, to write a list of bullet points for tonight of things she definitely said, so I can't forget and she can't back out of it or claim she didn't say it (I also remembered another bit in the fucking row- where she went "Oh, so a fucking ghost did it?" in that tone of voice- fucking horrible)

Also to sit calmly and let her explain to my lovely Dad and DP that she thinks they might have maliciously cut her coat.

Then see what she says!

TBH unless she fucking grovels on her knees (not likely after that fucking last text- minimization or what??) I'm going to be asking her to pack her stuff.

I'm not being "spurred on by hysterical posters"

I have read all the replies, some have opened my eyes, some have been excusing, some have told me not to rock the friendship boat....overall I have taken a middle(ish) ground.....but tbh it's clear she is
a) weird/horrible enough to think that of her oldest friend and her family
b) fucking vicious in a row
c) now backtracking massively

So....thoughts???

And again for the troll hunters in the back......my username currently is always "LanaKanesomething", and I've had various other names going back years.....so bloody well report me and see what MN has to say, yeah?

I would record tonight as you know whatever is said, that won’t be what she tells your mutual friends that you said. At least this way you can show your mutual friends what a liar she is as I’m sure she is telling them a different story.

Unfortunately people find it next to impossible to admit they've been weirdly crap. People are more willing to walk away from a good friendship than admit that about themselves

I so agree with this

Following

@HunterHearstHelmsley

You never know though, she might say "yeah, you're right. I was in a mood and shouldn't have said that".

That would only be believable if the comments had come out of nowhere. But as Lana says, she had been talking about it to others for a week, and even done tests on another coat to prove her point. This wasn't a temporary mood or something said on the spur of the moment.

For those saying the thread(s) have got out of hand, yes there are lots of posts and yes a lot of posters are saying the same thing. But the result is that Lana has seen that there is much more to this than the coat (the costly coat the 'friend' has bought while living at Lana's expense). So I don't see the problem of the way the threads have gone. Nobody is forced at gunpoint to read them.

I would be so angry and hurt if a friend of such a long time accused me of maliciously damaging their property, so I don't think you're being dramatic at all OP.

For the posters saying nobody has died etc, this is a huge deal for the OP because it's almost two decades worth of friendship going to pot over a false allegation.

I hope perhaps you can all move past this if she apologises and realises how ridiculous she has been OP.

I think at the bottom of this is her seeing first hand, because she lives with you, your relationships with your Dad, DP and DS and she sees herself alone and an outsider.

That’s why she didn’t offer to do a food shop and still ate your food: you’re 3 adults, she’s just one. You can look after and include her, she can’t be expected to look after and include all 3 of you.

She’s accusing one of you about the coat thing, because she’s lashing out at the thing that’s she feels most threatened about In her life. She’s basically sleeping on your coach, while you have a house and a home, a loving parent, a loving partner, a child, the hustle and bustle of family life that you can even welcome friends into. It’s not fair, in her eyes. All she’s got is the money she’s saving, and it’ll make her feel like she’s balancing things out that her savings are at your expense. You’ll be looking positively smug from her perspective, like you’ve got it all.

As much as you’ll tell her tonight that she shouldn’t feel threatened and you love her like a sister, she won’t hear it.

There are reasons why money and friendship don’t mix.

Oh, what SchadenfiendeUnmortified said! It was a coat that fell off the back of a lorry and somebody sliced the security tag out and she only noticed later!

Is the rip down near the hem somewhere?! I'd save this for if she is especially obnoxious, as in,

“Did you actually buy the coat from a reputable establishment, because the likeliest explanation for a small cut in that location is a security tag being sliced out of a stolen coat that's being offered on the black market?"

Her face will tell you all you need to know. Her apology would need to be tearful and grovelling. If she sticks to blaming you, you haven't really lost a friend, only a CF.

When is she due back at yours? 😬

You know what, OP? I think her other buddy, posh Barbour Boy, was giving her coat the once-over and spotted the cut and all this drama is her concoction to save face with him.

What do we do now with our newly acquired, in depth knowledge, of rips, snips and tears in Barbour coats?

Massive learning curve for me. Need to refresh my skill set on my LinkedIn profile.

Anyone else getting adverts for coats now?!

Blatant place mark for the show down 😬😬😬

I imagine this is going to drag on and on and completely fizzle out now.

The friend probably won't come back this evening, and then the conversation, when it does happen, will be a complete downplay of events.

Not the pistols at dawn some posters are clearly frothing about expecting.

I too would be very interested to ask friend if she ‘acquired’ the coat from a cheaper source than a high street store. Even if it is legitimate I think the other possibility of a v shaped tear being the coat catching on something is very likely, I have done this with a coat too, was just swinging it on when I caught it and didn’t even notice it myself, someone else saw it. She is very daft to go all guns blazing on you and your family, hope you resolve the matter as best you can.

Screw bullet points of what she said. That never goes well.

I'd send a message soon.

"Hey X, hope the cooling down time helped you to work out how you damaged your coat. I thought you should know that some of our friends have been a bit off with me. I think they might have misinterpreted what you were saying when you were annoyed at having ripped your new coat. Maybe even thinking I might have gone psycho at your coat with scissors! Would you straighten them out asap please?"

In the immortal words of Yozzer Hughes.
"Giz a job"
www.barbour.com/uk/careers

Good luck tonight. I dont think you've been over dramatic. I'd be gutted in this situation.

I’d love to see what your definition of dramatic is then DNR!

Face to face I wouldn't get forensic on the last conversation. I'd open with "What on earth is going on with you? Yesterday was weird."

Bring everything back to her being weird / creating miscommunications etc.

I'd put money on Barbour Boy wanting her (and her deposit) to move in with him hence the stirring.

OP are you in the Newcastle area? Iv just seen a post on Facebook on a local page asking for recommendations for someone to fix a tear in a coat .

Moto that's why I added later on that there is every chance she's spoken to others who have wound her up until she lost it at Lana.

The same way posters here are winding Lana up to respond to Barbour girl.

The Barbour factory in South Shields used to repair coats, but that memory is 30 years old, things may have changed.

Things she could say which might make things better:

“I got it wrong. I jumped to a stupid conclusion and I’m sorry I doubted you. Is there anything I can do which will enable you to put this behind you?”

Other things she might say:

“I didn’t say that.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“I’m willing to forgive if you are.”
“Can’t we just forget I ever said anything?”

Face to face I wouldn't be going forensic on past conversations. I'd open with "Yesterday was weird. What on earth is going on with you?"

Less is more. She must do all of the talking. Do not JADE: justify, argue, defend, explain.
If she says you were weird or other deflections