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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel like I really regret having kids

618 replies

SoFuckingTired · 29/10/2019 08:09

I know it's absolutely taboo. Millions of women would kill to have a family. But tbh, its just shit. I have a 4 year old who's being assessed for autism and a 2 year old that doesn't sleep.

I love both my children and would do anyt for them. But if I'm brutally honest, if I knew how shit and sleep deprived it was going to be, I wouldn't have done it.

So fucking tired. Every little thing is an effort. It's just shit.

OP posts:
RatThink · 30/10/2019 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhoulieBat · 30/10/2019 18:15

You can enjoy being a parent some of the time while overall realising it wasn't the best decision for you. Also, I think being honest with yourself about how tough it is, and even about feelings of regret if you have them, is better than trying to suppress and deny it, plaster on a smile and exhaust yourself trying to be the perfect parent, possibly with worse consequences for your MH and your DC's experience.

No one is the perfect parent and there are plenty of parenting fails a lot worse than realising maybe it wasn't right for you - as long as you don't lay that on your DC, and they are loved and supported well.

Hey1256 · 30/10/2019 18:20

@clarec86 it's putting me off and I'm 9 weeks 🤣 too late now I guess 😳

Hey1256 · 30/10/2019 18:26

Maybe a lot of the regret here is because parenting is too intense? Honest question to parents on the thread do you think perhaps if you had 20 percent of your time to yourself (hypothetically example) but if childcare were free and this was an option would you perhaps enjoy time spent with them a little more?

RatThink · 30/10/2019 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Screwtheclockchange · 30/10/2019 18:31

Nothing but sympathy from me, OP!

Speaking only for myself, I genuinely love being a parent. However, I really feel the social pressure to have a second child, even though I know that I'd regret it if I did, because my own personal ability to parent - in the context of my particular circumstances and my mental health - would absolutely nosedive. I find myself making up all kinds of crap reasons why I'm not having a second, because the received wisdom is that (i) no woman ever regrets motherhood; and (ii) you'll never regret having another child.

Monsterinmyshoe · 30/10/2019 18:38

Honest question to parents on the thread do you think perhaps if you had 20 percent of your time to yourself (hypothetically example) but if childcare were free and this was an option would you perhaps enjoy time spent with them a little more?

I think that would be a resounding yes from a lot of people. I think it's the lack of time just to reflect, or just to pursue an interest for your own enjoyment that makes parenting stressful.

Bluerussian · 30/10/2019 18:41

SFT, everyone feels like that at times. You're not a bad mum, you are natural.

cheesenpickles · 30/10/2019 18:41

Love love love love my kids. I don't think I regret having them BUT... it's relentless. I've got a 4 year old and 2 year old, work from home and I feel like it's like life on a hamster wheel. Currently hiding in the bathroom for just a few minutes of peace before they go to bed. Solidarity and know how you feel. We're human beings and parenting pushes us to the edges of exhaustion and our sanity.

wondering7777 · 30/10/2019 18:46

@clarec86 it's putting me off and I'm 9 weeks 🤣 too late now I guess 😳

Same here @Hey1256!

dayslikethese1 · 30/10/2019 18:51

I don't think I'd be able to cope with the lack of peace and quiet with DC, I even find working in an office stressful!

dayslikethese1 · 30/10/2019 18:52

Also I don't know how ppl afford kids.

Jinxed2 · 30/10/2019 18:59

I have found things difficult, PND, anxiety etc and just generally having 3 children. No regrets though. And I read something someone posted about each birthday their child has being closer to freedom for them. I think that’s sad, I’m a bit sad every birthday (especially now I have a teenager) as I know that time is getting closer!

BlueSuffragette · 30/10/2019 19:01

Love my 2 DC absolutely. Teen years were really hard going. One now at uni the other is almost 18.
Now being able to spend some time on 'just me' for part of each week makes a massive difference. I now really enjoy spending time with them, it's not as 'full on' and the stresses are different and nowhere near as overwhelming as when they were teens at high school. The early years were great and not much hassle. We've now come through a tough teen patch. I'm proud of them both and they are so worth the effort.

Abouttimemum · 30/10/2019 19:03

Haven’t RTFT but I’ve actually said to my husband that I’m a little angry that no one told me what it was really like. Like I knew it would be hard, but it is really fucking relentless.
I definitely don’t regret it as I love my son more than anything, and actually I’ve realised over the months that although he’s fussy and quite high maintenance, he’s a normal baby.
It doesn’t help that people put a sticker over it on social media. I do a lot of Instagram v reality photos where I show how many attempts it took to get a nice photo without me looking like I got dragged through a hedge and baby screaming.
It’s ok to not enjoy it sometimes.

SelkieSaAbhaileAnois · 30/10/2019 19:10

@monsterinmyshoe yes part of what makes me feel cheated is that i bore 100% of the financial sacrifice, i lost all the freedom. My x had the choices i didnt have. You cant make people take responsibility or 50% of the labour, cost, loss of freedom, hit to pension...

Freechildcare would make things less unfair to women.

Hey1256 · 30/10/2019 19:20

Haven’t RTFT but I’ve actually said to my husband that I’m a little angry that no one told me what it was really like. Like I knew it would be hard, but it is really fucking relentless.

I can understand this. I have a few family members who are brutally honest with me and tell me how bad it can be. For this I'm grateful so feel like I'm going in with my eyes open. But apart from them I tend to think people are not truthful about the whole experience and out of guilt perhaps make out everything is rosy all the time.

ethelfleda · 30/10/2019 19:24

I don’t think it’s unusual for people to feel like they weren’t expecting how tough it would be after one... but then why go on to have several if you find it that tough?

I watched a film once - can’t remember which one - that said parenting is like ‘shit times, shit times, shit times, one tiny little but incredibly heartwarming happy moment, then back to shit times, shit times, shit times’

ClownsandCowboys · 30/10/2019 19:35

@Hey1256 I think more time to myself would help, I would certainly regret it less. I'm not sure if it would solve it for me as I still feel trapped by the limitations.

Sometimes when the grandparents have the kids it is great, but when they come back it's actually worse because I've had a glimpse into the other life!

I love my DC, utterly and completely and you wouldn't know, they don't know. I make sure they feel loved and secure.

angell84 · 30/10/2019 19:55

I saw Dec, of Ant and Dec, say recently abot his baby:

"Why did no one tell us how hard it would be".

Courtney555 · 30/10/2019 20:17

DS has ADHD. He's argumentative all the time. I'm permanently in school meetings where he's been judged by neurotypical standards and punished to the point of near expulsion. He has to be reminded every day to get dressed, brush your teeth, flush the toilet. At 11.

Do I regret having him? Probably, if I knew how little enjoyment I would have gotten from raising a child with ADHD. There are small and infrequent victories peppered in a sea of constant battles, rudeness, forgetfulness, laziness, poor hygiene, social issues. Some days, he's relentless and very unlikeable. The days where he is not like this do not balance out anywhere near equally. He can be funny, and witty, he's a great performer. This is probably 5% of the time, and truly hard to appreciate or find endearing when the other 95% of the day, he's driving you beyond your wits end. Some days, he's the absolute bain of my life, and I'm not afraid to say that. Friends and family who have witnessed some of his less than savoury behaviour over the last decade would say the same. DH tries his very best with him, but often reaches the end of the day and is equally defeated.

I often feel less of a parent, more of a sergeant major. I question if I'm not maternal, but then, I've never had a "normal" child to raise, so I wouldn't know. I look at other parents on parents evenings and wonder how unimaginably easy it must be to have their child.

I suppose I derive some happiness from seeing him happy. I take him a lot of places, we do a lot of things. Christmas, I spoil him and really do enjoy watching him open his presents, but it's often short lived as his brashness and impulsiveness will result in something being broken within 5 minutes, and that will then ruin his morning... which typically then ruins everyone else's.

I think many parents are in less than desirable circumstances. I think so many more than those who dare to admit, would make different choices if they knew then what they know now. It's just not acceptable to say in our society.

XXcstatic · 30/10/2019 20:27

ThanksCourtney - you sound like a wonderful mother, even if you don't always feel like one.

WaggleWiggle · 30/10/2019 20:31

I’m also in agreement with the idea that motherhood is harder for introverts, like me. I need time to myself to think and relax. Too much noise and chat and pestering and being followed makes me feel like I’m going insane. I desperately want to have a shower in peace and put on a face mask and get up when I want. All things that I never used to think were remotely big deals. I feel like I have no headspace left for myself.

Courtney555 · 30/10/2019 20:35

@XXcstatic thank you...I feel I do my absolute best for him, but it's an unbelievable uphill struggle, daily.

I honestly can't see how anybody in this situation could put their hand on their heart and say they had no regrets. I wish more women felt free to express their feelings instead of hiding behind a false smile for fear of judgement.

DonkeyHotty · 30/10/2019 20:39

Aw op 😢
I do remember in the early days moments of thinking ‘WTF am I doing?! This is AWFUL’ and feeling like the worst mum in the world as a result. It does get better though 💐