to feel like I really regret having kids

[SoFuckingTired]

I know it's absolutely taboo. Millions of women would kill to have a family. But tbh, its just shit. I have a 4 year old who's being assessed for autism and a 2 year old that doesn't sleep.

I love both my children and would do anyt for them. But if I'm brutally honest, if I knew how shit and sleep deprived it was going to be, I wouldn't have done it.

So fucking tired. Every little thing is an effort. It's just shit.

@lynsey91 but that is simply your own experience, which is valid but by no means true for everyone. I have plenty of friends who are still on their first marriage and have had DC and then DGC. (Or solid second marriages; my DSis went through a divorce from her abusive ex DH, but that was before she had her DC.) My DH and I are still solid despite having 2 adopted DDs of 10 and 7, DD1 with SEND and attachment issues.

Having DC doesn't have to destroy your marriage. As long as you don't have unrealistic expectations about children bringing you closer together, that just isn't the case.

@summedup it doesn't make anyone a bad mum/dad if they admit that they struggle with being a parent and don't enjoy it sometimes.

Aren't you the lucky one being a SAHM the majority have to juggle working, running a house, dropping and picking kids up from childcare. Finances strained because they've had to reduce their hours to part time or childcare eats up a huge % of their wages.

So whilst there are many people that enjoy being a parent there are also those who just feel overwhelmed by it that it's genuinely not what they thought it was going to be. It's not like a job that you can just throw the towel in and find another.

I sometimes feel overwhelmed by being a parent as I've stated previously but that does not mean I am selfish. My daughter comes first any extra time I have is spent with her and any extra cash is also spent on her. So do not insult those who feel like this by saying you feel sorry for our children. When you clearly don't have the added pressures of juggling a work life balance.

@summedup, first of all not all parents enjoy being a SAHP and that doesnt make them bad parents.
Seconf, the circumstances in whch you have your dc make a hell of a difference on how you 'enjoy' being a parent. Its not the am thing to be a parent and have a stable relationhsip, a strong network support, family aroound, no MH (eg PND) and no financial worries vs strugglng financially, being isolated and a DP that is less than supportive.

I have said before that, in the SAME CIRCUMSTANCES, i would probably not have any dc beause I fund it bloody hard. But then I had

• no network support
• a DH who was away a lot (7/14) and was then ressentful to be asked to 'help' as soon as he got home (This changed when he was left on his own with said dcs on a rgular basis BUT it made te first 4 years bloody hard work)
• a chronic illness that left me exhausted (not tired but unable to do anything with my dcs like playing sat on the rug because I was falling asleep).

Add some PND and AND and a few worries (that came later, such as susoect ASD, mangauge issues etc) and yes the stress was sky high and therefore enjoyment as low. I suspect that if I had some proper support around me, things wouod have been very different..... But it certainly does NOT make me a bad parent or one where you wonder why on earth I ever even tried to have a child....

@Lizzie0869 I agree that having children does not have to destroy your marriage but sadly it far too often does.

I do have a few friends with children still seemingly happily married (first marriage) but far more that are divorced and, as I said, most say the problems started when they had children

I think it's great that this mum is getting so much support. But imagine a step parent writing the same thing, she'd be told she was the devil itself, vile and trolled to death. Such double standards on Mumsnet.

What I mean is a step parent is not allowed to struggle. A parent is.

" can't believe the amount of mums on here saying "me too". WTF! I feel sorry for your children.

I absolutely adore my kids and I love being a SAHM. I don't have it easy either, 2 under 2 with no family support around. Yes I'm tired, but so what? Have a coffee and get on with it!"

Idiot.

You sound like my mother OP

She's told me several times she never wanted me, my brothers or sisters.....

Says she would have been quite happy to have just had a life with dogs!!
Needless, I have zero respect for her and for the life of me can't understand why she didn't keep her fucking legs shut!!

Its all turned out right for her, none of us keep in touch with her, she's not bothered at all...she's now got her dogs.

This whole thread is putting me off trying for a baby! Is it really that bad?! Supposed to be trying in a few months.

@twinkledag He could potentially have a step type parent in the future, that doesn’t come with the same bond etc compared to an actual parent.

contentedsoul my mother was similar to yours but there's a massive difference between seeking support from other women on a forum and telling your children you don't want them, the op is doing the former not the latter. Bottling up the frustration is what leads to the resentment spilling out, women need to be permitted to talk about the realities of their lives without being made to feel like shit because they can't perform to the impossible standards a society that favours men places on them.

Mine are grown up now (waiting for them to fly the nest)
I loathed so much of the early yeas stuff, especially with 2. My DC2 only slept regularly through the night in the 2nd year of primary school. I went back to work full time when DC was 18 months old and I was like a sleep deprived screaming harpy for a lot of the time.

I loathed primary school - although DC were more interesting as they developed personalities and tastes (music, books films etc) and family time got better but often, argh.

Secondary school made me grey. Stressful job and moody teenagers. Bleurgh.

It's better now, but bloody hell it's really really not what i imagined and so different from my own family life I wonder what happened.

Ah I see what you mean @SimonJT

For balance I don't feel like the OP at all, love being a mum.

I was up till 3.30 with one child and up again from 5 with another. Fuck off with your have a coffee

Just wanted to add that I've just had the shopping trip from hell with my 2dc. Complete with the old lady going "aw it's so forced" when my teething baby was screeching at the top of his lungs (his cry is the stuff of legend and can shatter glass), my lovely sling which I put him in to calm down and breastfeed him in got soaked, so had to carry him with one arm under his arms and push the buggy, which my darling 4 year old kept walking in front of. I was one of those growly mums you see you with hair all over the place hollering at their kids. I'm pretty sure many of the other shoppers were judging me.

It's a far cry from my life before and I do miss it a lot. I do sometimes wish I didn't have kids, but it's normal. Sometimes I love being a mother too. I wanted kids because I was bored of my life and felt something was missing. I wanted a challenge and I certainly got it! Kids do grow up and things change. My first son did not sleep. Sometimes I shouted when I shouldn't have just out of tiredness, but he still feels loved. I think that is the most important thing. I think the pressure of being this perfect parent makes us resort to this "shouldn't have had kids attitude". I think we need to do what our parents would have done sometimes and just try to be good enough.

I didn't feel pressured to have chikdren, although my first was an accident I knew I wanted children at some point. I was very broody for a second. It is a biological urge for some people and that doesn't necessarily mean you are cut our for it.

For me it's not even about wanting to be the perfect parent, I'm happy to share my failures with others and my good enough attitude. I just don't enjoy it. I don't enjoy parks, or craft, or playing. I'm essentially selfish, because I just want to do stuff that I enjoy for a change. Not go to the same place all the time because that's what dd can cope with.

I want to travel, and read books and have long lunches chatting about politics and philosophy. I want a proper career where I'm successful, because I don't have to turn stuff down or rush out the door for childcare.

It's too late for you and your child but you might save others from your (and your child's) fate.

This has got to be one of the most ridiculous things I've read in a long time! Jesus, just because people might question their life choices doesn't mean it's "too late" for their children!! 😂 How dramatic; get a grip!

Oh God, it gets worse!! 😂

I think you're taking things completely to the extreme @RatThink
Most people are saying that they don't always enjoy parenthood and might not have made the same choices if they had their time again. This doesn't mean that their children are doomed! I reckon a lot of people have those these kinds of thoughts from time to time, but the vast majority are still able to give their children a happy upbringing with lots of love!

Second best with some of the abuse children live through? Bit dramatic there