Grandparents want baby to stay over.

[Shanmoore]

So I've just gone back to work, ds is 9 months. I work every evening apart from monday and wednesday and the weekend 9-8 both days with a short gap in the middle. Dh mum been getting upset that their family don't see ds. Dh agreed for ds to stay over theirs without asking me. Now hes stayed over once she wants him every other weekend sunday night and Monday day. I'm not comfortable with this, I'd be happy for her to have him in the day and bring him back for bed but she wont take no for answer, just sort of bats around it. I really don't feel happy about him staying sunday and coming back Monday night as thats my full day with him. She could have him any time in the day but she wants him overnight. Dh doesn't understand how I feel as he works ridiculously long hours anyway. How can I make it clear I'm not comfortable with this and no means no? Or aibu?

Sit her down and tell her no. Your not comfortable with it and you won’t change your mind to stop asking cos it’s getting on your nerves.

Definitely not being unreasonable; the odd overnight is a nice break and nice for a child but I wouldn’t be happy with that often.
Just say no, it’s your time with your DS on repeat until they realise that you mean it.

You ANBU in the slightest. She's trying to get him to "bond" with her or show him off to her friends or some similar rubbish. It's not in your baby's best interests. He needs to be with his actual mum. You have to assert your authority as his actual mum and put your foot down. Your DH doesn't need to understand, he just has to accept your decision.

And let him sort it out with him mum.

Your child. Just say NO.

I wouldn't allow it either. Just say it's lovely that you want to spend more time with my baby, but I'm not comfortable with this arrangement.

She can want all she likes. Makes no difference. It can happen once, but as a rule he sleeps in his bed on Sunday night to spend the day with you on a Monday. Just tell her and DH. DH doesn’t have to “get it”. Your time with him is precious and you aren’t sharing. End!

Say either Sunday on its own or NOTHING, her choice.

You'll have barely seen him all weekend so why would you want to be without him Monday too? Sod that! Offer her Sunday day time if you're feeling generous but no overnight and definitely not all day Monday.

Exactly you as you said it OP - No is the answer. My MIL insisted on this when I’d just gotten my twins home from a four month NICU stay - for the first year of their lives she kept insisting they stay at hers overnight. It died down after their first birthday (so basically when they were mobile and a lot noisier).

You are your DC’s mother, you spending time with him is more important than MIL spending time with him. If she’s so annoyed she doesn’t get to see him then she needs to work out a visiting time that’s suitable to you and DH.

And I’m that he agreed this without a word to you OP, bang out of order in my opinion!

Also I found the best approach is the broken record approach. Every time she asks “No MIL - daytime visits fine, overnight stays not happening.”

You just say no. You need to establish that you are the Mum and what you say, go's.

Just say NO.

Say no then in front of your DP.

She's badgering you because she knows you're questioning yourself.

No one should be insisting on anything you're not comfortable with. You don't owe anyone an explanation and you don't have to justify it or defend yourself.

The sooner you express control and conviction in your decisions the sooner she will pipe down.

A firm 'no overnights and I'm not discussing it again with you so please stop'. Then refuse to engage.

Op you dont need to justify any reason to her. No is reason enough. This is YOUR child, she cant ask and demand all she wants but tough shit. She needs to be put in her place.

I'd be happy for her to have him in the day and bring him back for bed but she wont take no for answer

Refusing to take no for an answer is not an option available to her. Stop being a mug and tell her NO and mean it. You are the mum, she's not.

Just say no. She's pestering because she knows she's making you question yourself. Your time is precious, don't give in on time that counts with your lo.

If you don't want overnights tell her no and your husband needs to back you up, if it's more the missed time you have with him could you offer Thursday night instead as you are at work late anyway?

It's bloody weird she wants YOUR child overnight. She isn't a parent. Stand up to the woman.

I feel so pathetic. Everyone are making me feel guilty about this! Even my own family are saying it would be good for me to have a break ( I get that already at work). I've agreed for her to have him next weekend stupidly. I'm going to say to her no in future. I really don't get that they feel like they have an automatic right for him to stay. Dh is giving me a hard time too.

Is there a night where it actually would be helpful? Your dh was wrong not to consult you but grandparents can be very useful juggling jobs and childcare so don't knock a gift horse in the mouth!

Does he stay over at your dms regularly?

I wouldn’t even be getting into a fixed weekly owed visit with her, let alone overnights. She doesn’t have shared custody of your child! She’s being very very over bearing with this, and if it was me I’d give her the message to back off a bit. She can’t refuse to take no for an answer, because it’s not up to her

Just say no. Be firm and mean it. ‘I don’t need a break, work is my break, I want my time off with my baby so he won’t be staying overnight’ and do not apologise.

It's a bit odd that she wants him Monday when you are off work. I'd be inclined to suggest an alternative night she could have him though. It could be helpful to you, and nice for her, and your ds. My ds1 stated over at mil once a week for quite a few months when I was pregnant with my second and working. I REALLY struggled with it to start, and didn't want him to, but he was fine, and so was I, and actually it did give me a break.