To feel differently about R.Kelly after finding out he was sexually abused?

[TwistedBirkenstockBlister]

I am not defending him AT ALL. However I saw the first documentary and thought 'what an absolute creep' but when I saw the second Netflix documentary I felt disgusted at his actions but after hearing that he was molested from 7 until 12, I saw more of a full picture. Sexual abuse destroys people, and there are a lot of different outcomes. With men, I think you see a lot of that cycle of abuse repeating itself. Women self harm, men harm others.

Nope. If you use that argument you can excuse anything.

YABU

YABU, it's sad but no excuse.

YABU he could still have chosen not to hurt anyone else

While its awful that he was abused and more should have been done to help him, it's no excuse. Many people are abused and manage to not become abusers themselves, there is still a choice of whether to go down that path and if you do find yourself going down it then there are therapies and interventions - all of which he would have been able to access given his financial privilege.

He's an adult now.

It's awful he went through that, but it doesnt make me feel any differently about him. He has (allegedly I suppose) ruined lives of many, many girls.

"Women self harm, men harm others."

I think men have been given that get out of jail free card, for too long.

YABU. His experience meant he knew how damaging it would be. It makes it worse in my opinion.

It is appalling that happened to him, but no. It does not excuse his peadophillic and controlling, coercive, abusive behaviour towards a lot of women.

If "the abused becomes the abuser" were true, then the majority of adult sexual abusers would be female.

R Kelly is trying to mitigate what he has done. Many offenders claim they were abused as a child but it shouldn't mean their crimes are any less of a crime.

YABU

He was in a position to seek the very best of help and he decided no to.

There's a massive difference in being an adult and fully aware of what is right or wrong!

YABU OP.

RKelly has been abusing girls and women on a massive scale for a really long time. I knew about it in the 90s. The documentary you watched sounds like Psychopath Continues To Be A Psychopathic Abuser.🤷‍♀️

I didn't want any of my post to come across as excusing, maybe I didn't put it quite right. It gave me a different angle on what he did. As this documentary goes on I feel less and less of that empathy that I had towards abused 'Robert' and absolute hatred towards R. Jelly, the abuser.

I see what you mean.

It is possible to feel sympathy and shock for the child he was when being abused whilst still feeling his adult behaviour is utterly abhorrent.

I understand where you are coming from but it's a difficult one. I haven't see the documentary as I can't bear the subject because I have wider family members who were victims of sexual abuse...and one of them self-harmed.

Part of me believes that an abused child, as they grow up, still has personal responsibility and can decide never to inflict the vile abuse they suffered on others buy maybe some children are so damaged and angry that they inflict it on others as a way of being in control. I don't know. I just think it's an horrific crime which destroys people's lives.

YAB horribly U.. do you think any of his victims have gone on to abuse? Or, as was evidenced at the end of Surviving R Kelly, have most used their experience to help others recover from the same trauma..

He is a paedophile and a text book domestic abuser who, whilst deserving of sympathy for his past, should finally be made to face justice. He has got away with this his entire life - No More!

I can feel sad for the child that he once was who was being abused.

However I don't believe that gives any justification or explanation for being an abuser as an adult.

As an adult he has chosen to put other people through pain he himself has experienced. He could have made other choices like many others who have been abused make every day.

It's sad that he went through the pain of abuse but he has chosen to be the kind of character that takes that pain out on other people rather than dealing with it (which he had every resource available to him to do given his wealth).

Y a b r u op and I say that as this man has no excuse that he was abused therefore he abuses. This man or so called man is a predator and took advantage on poor mouldable impressionable immature youngsters. He wasn't man enough to try it on anyone strong, he sensed weakness and took over them like some cult leader. Taking all their free will off them making them rely on him and removed any family from their lives. He's a dirty rotten women hater nothing more nothing less.

My brother and I were both sexually abused by our stepfather. Neither of us abuses ours or anyone elses kids.

Stop making excuses for him.

Its such a difficult situation and certainly not as black as white as some would make out. The forms of love he has been shown and understood as a child will stay with him and even if finds them abhorrent , may force him to act in a way that we would find horrid.
That said, he is a danger to others and society needs to be protected from such people.