To feel differently about R.Kelly after finding out he was sexually abused?

[TwistedBirkenstockBlister]

I am not defending him AT ALL. However I saw the first documentary and thought 'what an absolute creep' but when I saw the second Netflix documentary I felt disgusted at his actions but after hearing that he was molested from 7 until 12, I saw more of a full picture. Sexual abuse destroys people, and there are a lot of different outcomes. With men, I think you see a lot of that cycle of abuse repeating itself. Women self harm, men harm others.

It’s pretty settled psychological ground that abuse can cause an offender to become an abuser as they have all kinds of messed up associations about love and affection. Often they don’t understand it or don’t have the resources to address these issues. I also have some sympathy for people who are attracted to young people as they can’t help the innate attraction.

However, R Kelly had sufficient money to engage professional help in working through any issues he may have developed. He chose to use his wealth, power and influence to wage a campaign of sexual abuse and violence against young disadvantaged and disenfranchised girls. Do I feel sorry for him? Not in the slightest.

@PlatoAteMySnozcumber exactly. I worked on a mental health ward for violent mentally ill men, some were sexual abusers. 80% had been sexually abused as children, 80%!

@PlatoAteMySnozcumber exactly. I worked on a mental health ward for violent mentally ill men, some were sexual abusers. 80% had been sexually abused as children, 80%!

I am guessing they were all also vulnerable and disenfranchised as a result of the abuse. The issue here is that R.Kelly wasn’t.

@PlatoAteMySnozcumber very true, that does make a difference. His crimes were abhorrent and made worse by the amount of people who knew and did nothing.

I have just watched the Netflix Documentary today.
I knew it would be a really hard watch.

However, R Kelly had sufficient money to engage professional help in working through any issues he may have developed. He chose to use his wealth, power and influence to wage a campaign of sexual abuse and violence against young disadvantaged and disenfranchised girls. Do I feel sorry for him? Not in the slightest.

I agree with this totally ^^^

Of that 80%, probably 99% of them were saying they had been abused because they have the perception that they can avoid custodial sentences by saying they were poor, little abused boys.

I worked in a specialised unit, too. It was regular as clockwork that a new person to the unit would suddenly remember they had been abused when coming up to presentencing/probation/psych reports. Not that they weren't sometimes 'sharing' these stories in group sessions as a way of getting kicks or bragging about things they had done to children themselves under the radar, oh no.

I wonder what percentage of adult women have been abused, molested, sexually harassed, assaulted, raped?
I feel sure it would be high, and not in line with the number of female sexual offenders.

No I don't feel sorry for him. Girls are sexually assaulted at higher rates than boys yet women don't commit sex crimes at anywhere near the rate of men. The excuse is flimsy seeing as he has the means and ability to get professional help.

MitZik also makes a good point. I believe in the documentary his younger brother said he told R Kelly about the abuse he was suffering and instead of a 'me too' type response was told to Man Up and Get Over It..

I'm not saying it didn't happen but I'm not sure the documentary makers believed it.

Bullshit, it’s an excuse. If anything it should have given him more empathy and compassion towards victims of abuse. I say that as someone’s who was abused as a child.

Is there proof he was abused anyway? Or is it a matter of many many girls and women claiming abuse haven’t been listened to for decades. One rapist claims he was abused and it’s accepted as fact?

Yanotnecessarilybu.
Don’t know enough but this is perhaps, as so often, part of the reason not any excuse.

There is no excuse for the horrors R Kelly has inflicted upon countless girls and women. Whatever has happened to us in our lives, no matter how horrific, we still have a choice in how we chose to behave. R Kelly had a huge entourage of enablers, and probably other participants among them who wouldn't challenge him, so he continues to do exactly as he pleases. He enjoys abusing, it isn't some involuntary response to being abused himself, if he is telling the truth that is. Let's not try to find reasons to let these vile specimens off the hook.

I think it is quite possible to feel sympathetic towards any child.who was abused but still accept.that as an adult they have a responsibility for their own actions and must face the consequences. Similar to Michael Jackson and those who excuse his alleged behaviour by saying he had never really grown up.

Otherwise it is accepting the abuse cycle as an inevitable part of life.

If R Kelly is capable of bringing up his abuse now as mitigation for his crimes, as other PPs say, what was stopping him from raising it and seeking help in the past before it came to the scale of abuse he has meted out to others if he genuinely felt it was beyond his control? As far as I know he has been wealthy enough for a very long time to be able to afford this. Toxic masculinity and shame I understand might have made it difficult but this has not stopped him from making the abuse public to suit his own interests now.

After having watched the documentary my impression is that r Kelly absolutely gloried in his abuse and denigration of women and girls.
His complete domination of the vulnerable and powerless gave him a feeling of omnipotence which he then channeled into his music, he deliberately channeled the glory that he felt from his evil acts into his music so as to make the whole world complicit in his monstrous behaviour.
He is despicable.

*worked on a mental health ward for violent mentally ill men, some were sexual abusers. 80% had been sexually abused as children, 80%!

Did they have evidence for this? Sorry but I worked in a prison and most of the men there said they were innocent

YABU
It shouldn’t mitigate our view of his actions at all.
It shouldn’t mitigate the harm he did others.

Now if it helps his therapy or whatever while he is in prison then that’s his private matter.

I think he's too far gone into his god complex for therapy to have any impact

YABU. It makes it worse in my opinion. I was sexually abused and raped for years starting when I was a child and I've never harmed anyone. Trauma is not and never should be an excuse for being a monster.

Nope

YANBU

SanFran that's what I remember from the doc, his brother told him he had been abused and R Kelly didn't believe him, definitely got the impression his brother wasn't convinced because of that interaction.

I absolutely hate people using the 'I was abused as a child' cop out.

I was dragged up in care I won't even list what I went through, no one believes me anyway but what it has done is for me to make sure I never ever treat anyone in the same way I was treated!

I feel for R. Kelly if he was abused but I have absolutely nothing for him if he has gone on to abuse others, it's a cop out, an excuse, nothing more

It can absolutely be seen as an explanation, but never can it be an excuse

He knows right from wrong and even more so if it happened to him, why would he want to inflict that on another person and ruin their lives? He needs locking up and the key throwing away