To feel differently about R.Kelly after finding out he was sexually abused?

[TwistedBirkenstockBlister]

I am not defending him AT ALL. However I saw the first documentary and thought 'what an absolute creep' but when I saw the second Netflix documentary I felt disgusted at his actions but after hearing that he was molested from 7 until 12, I saw more of a full picture. Sexual abuse destroys people, and there are a lot of different outcomes. With men, I think you see a lot of that cycle of abuse repeating itself. Women self harm, men harm others.

YABU. It's no excuse.

Plenty of people are abused and manage not to go on to abuse others

I didn't know that, but it doesn't make me feel any differently about him. If anything he should know the effects that abuse has on people.

I know it's not as clear cut as that but he didn't have to do the things he did regardless of anything that happened to him, he is a adult that should be able to use self control and source help if he felt he needed it. He should have known better, no excuse can justify what he did. He is a vile man.

As a child my mum used to best the shit out of me and make me do humiliating things. I have never humiliated my son or laid a hand on him in an aggressive way.

Not matter our childhoods as adults we do have a choice about how we act, no matter what thoughts or feelings are going through our heads.

NO.

Almost all male sexual offenders claim at some point to have been abused but it’s usually false. The vast majority of victims are girls and women and more than 99% of offenders are male, so the numbers don’t lie.

I was dragged up in care I won't even list what I went through, no one believes me anyway but what it has done is for me to make sure I never ever treat anyone in the same way I was treated!
Yes
I volunteer with young people leaving care (and other vulnerable adults) and this is the view I get from a lot of them. None of them use a troubled upbringing to hurt people. R Kelly is a manipulative bastard.

I can feel sorry for the child he was and what he suffered and feel empathy for the pain this still brings him

But he makes choices to abuse women and should be punished for the harm he has chosen to inflict

R Kelly is a manipulative bastard
that's putting it mildly, he actively cultivated a demonic side of himself

He knew what he was doing.

It’s horrible that it happened to him but it is not an excuse for what he did.

I don't even believe it tbh.

If it's true then he should have bloody known better then shouldn't he.

I know you aren't trying to upset anyone but this opinion, your opinion is incredibly dangerous and it obliterates the victims.

No matter your history and the damage that it leaves you with it does not explain or excuse the choice and adult makes to abuse or hurt another person.

Also if you have worked with offenders then you should know bloody better too.

Bloody autocorrect!

Whether he was or he wasn't, he knew what he was doing was wrong. The way he flaunted his relationship with a now deceased young singer, the whole "Age ain't nuthin' but a number" thing. He knew that society would frown on his proclivities but was arrogant enough to believe he could negotiate a pass.

YANBU to acknowledge that people are shaped by their environment, especially during their childhoods. But adults still maintain a degree of autonomy. Our present actions are not controlled entirely by our pasts.

It feels conflicting to sympathise with someone who has themselves done bad things. But it is possible to separate the two.

its a bullshit coincidence because if it was the case then all abused would be abusers,including a hell of a lot more woman!so what makes it diffrent for them?
my dad said somthing interesting on this actually that its more likely some people are just nasty fuckers and evil.its just so happens that like a few other people they have been abused when younger.not a cause just a coincidence.
yes when youve been abused you are damaged in some way.but nope you dont then become perhaps an abuser.your damaged and you need help.
no excuse.an excuse for other behaviour like mental health problems and addictions etc but no not ever for abusing others.
to be an abuser you are an abuser.

It is a myth that most children who are abused go on to abuse others. The opposite is true. We become hyper vigilant.

YABU. He could afford to have a full time therapist with him 24/7 to help him work on his issues from childhood and stop him from acting on his dangerous impulses. He has no remorse, he still does not acknowledge that he's done anything wrong. This is not a man struggling with his demons. He's a dangerous abuser.

The replies here are interesting because on another post about a woman who abused her children, the abuse she suffered seems to definitely be an excuse.

Personally, I dont think it is. As an adult you are responsible for your own actions. People are aware, what they are doing is wrong but continue doing it anyway. Regardless of consquences.

Those of us that have been abused are still adults, responsible for ourselves.

YABU...He has abused different girls and women over many years, protected by his celebrity status and people who enabled his behaviour.

There were plenty of opportunities for him to seek counselling or support or reflect on his own behaviour but hecarried on abusing girls and women.

It doesn’t change how I think about him at all. He is a vile paedophile with the typical (dangerous) victim mentality that many of these predatory, fucked up abusers have.

YABU. R Kelly should be fired into outer space.

YABU.
He’s a nasty piece of work

I think I understand what you're saying OP. While his past may help to explain his behaviour (seeking control after feeling out of control) which seems unfathomable otherwise, it certainly does not excuse it. I think PPs are conflating the 2 concepts of explain and excuse.

No