Massive weird row with friend???

[LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut]

This is going to be a bit long so apologies in advance but I am really fucking upset and more than a little weirded out. Not much gets to me but I am shaking as I type this.

I have been friends with A for 20 years, never had a row in that time...not once.
We've helped each other through all sorts of shit times, and it was the most solid friendship.
Her Dad is friends with us and my Dad etc etc.

Earlier this year she had some housing issues and I offered for her to rent our spare room for a teeny amount of money so she could save.
All good, no problems.
For clarity the people who live here are me, DP, DS (7) and my Dad, and obviously at the moment my friend.
She's been a bit off with me for a few days, to the point where (oh the irony!) I was going to have a word with her later to see if I had done something to upset her.

This morning she comes to me and says she has something to ask me....
About a month ago she bought a really expensive Barbour jacket (what it is is relevant).
It has acquired a small rip/cut at the bottom.
She basically asked if anyone here had done it, and I was obviously horrified and said absolutely no way.

This is where it all gets a bit weird and muddled.
She was saying it must have been done here (it was hanging on the coat rack). She has only taken it out a few times but is 100% convinced it must have happened here because of the "time frame" I am dubious on this cos she took it to work once and taken it in and out of her car and to another friends once or twice.

I said could it have been an accident, like a zip catching it.
She said no way...it was a snip, as it goes through to the back, and it looked like a snip when she first saw it, but the edges have frayed a little now.
So I said (of course cos it's bloody true!) that no one would have snipped it....accidentally and most definitely NOT on purpose.

She accused me of getting defensive (what the fucking fuck...of course I'm getting upset and defensive- she's accusing someone in this house of cutting her coat!) and said that it looked dodgy because of my defensiveness.

There is zero chance anyone in this house would do such a thing.

I know that you'll all be thinking the 7yr old....but he is not allowed scissors unless we are doing craft, and would never do something like that, he's just not that kind of kid, he loves her immensely.

DP is a sack of softness, and it wouldn't even occur to him, ditto my Dad who wasn't even here that week anyway.

She is adamant it happened in this house, and I am 100% sure it didn't.

She is also 100% sure it has been cut.

Towards the end of the row she basically said that if someone (looking at me in that way) had a problem with her they should have said instead of ruining her coat.

I can't fucking believe she would think that of me....I took her into my home for a paltry sum of money....we have covered all the extra gas/leccy etc and not begrudged it AT ALL, we share meals etc

I am so fucking upset that my friend of 20 years has basically accused me/us of being nasty vindictive people.

I had to leave the room, I couldn't believe it, and she has taken that as some sort of proof of my guilt.

I

Sounds like she bailed on coming home tonight because you mentioned DP and DF being there to discuss it.

I think shes a pretty shitty person to not even text to say she's not coming home tonight to talk to you. I think you just gotta kick her out tbh, it sounds like she's using your 0lace like a bloody hotel. After all that she doesn't have the decency to come home and apologise or talk to you.

Are you sure it's not counterfeit?

Will never forget, (back in the day), buying a pair of Nike's and a few weeks later, the logo on the trainers changed colour and then fell off!

She is taking the piss. You have taken her in and this is how she repays you?

She's treated you very badly, OP, and what a ridiculous fuss over what was probably an accidental rip in her Barbour coat. I share some PPs' suspicions that she was probably regretting paying so much for it and was hoping to get money off you for it.

Stand firm, there's no way you should let her get away with bullying you in this way.

She can move in with Barbour Boy

Yes best to ignore rather than respond (as you should!). "Why not just stay out forever?"

I'd go over what your bills were last year before the moved in, for all the months she's been there, and what they are now, and then subtract this 'teeny' amount she's been paying you and throw in the food you've been buying and let that sink in, really. Every penny you have spent on her whilst having to feed your son on a shoestring and then how she's acted. Continuing to let her stay when you blatantly cannot afford to subsidise another adult is pretty ridiculous.

She fucking well knows that she will not get this deal with anyone else. No one will put up with her pisstaking and subsidise her the way you have.

I'm also completely baffled how you could even still be entertaining continue to let her use your home as a doss, treat you like shit and cost you money. That's not just being a 'softy', that's plain stupid.

Yes Testing i said that previously-shes waiting to get op alone so she can gaslight her some more

Well done for not replying Op. unfortunately she sounds like a complete user. Hope you get a good nights sleep and tell her where to go tomorrow.

After reading the thread I am furious on your behalf op, but also giggling at everything that's been said to you from all the brilliant members here!!

Definitely won't let you down when you need solid advice and a good giggle!!!

Gaslighting, selfish cunt. She's bought an expensive coat, damaged it herself (security tag/carelessness) whilst having cheap place to stay. She seems to have a jealousy thing going on but clearly had zero respect for you and your family. Your 17 year friendship has ended. She can find someone else to insult and sponge off!

Another shameless placemark as I want to see how she tries to weedle her way out of this tomorrow!

I would still text and say either come home now and discuss it or don’t bother coming back at all

However when she turns up tomorrow expecting to talk to you alone tell her you are not discussing it until your dp and father are also home to discuss it as it affects all of them as well. Then if necessary go out so she can’t talk to you

Place marking too. I expect she'll flounce off in a huff and say she's leaving anyway. Good riddance.

The thing that sticks out to me is the fact that shes known about this for 1 week, has discussed this with other friends and even had the time to experiment on an old jacket before bringing her accusation to you. Very hurtful indeed. Even if she takes it all back now the damage is already done and im not talking about the stupid jacket.

Left over roasties??? Not in this house

Why is she buying Barbour coats if she’s staying at yours rent free? Jesus, that’s an outrage! Start charging her per roast potato. She’s a cheeky fuck this one.......

Sleep on it OP. Let your anger die down and see if you feel it's the end of your friendship or not. You clearly liked her before, for years. Could a calm conversation help you both sort this out and let her see what a twat she's been? This thread is a bit of a whipped up frenzy and the thread could get a satisfying ending with you chucking her out, everyone cheering then forgetting about it and in rl you've lost a friend.

Fair enough if you still think she's had it tomorrow.

Sorry forgot to also add that after the unexpected bill leaving you really short for the food budget why not offer some money from her savings? She sounds very selfish.

I thnk that she's being really unreasonable but I also think you're being whipped up into hysteria here by a lot of people, who havent read that she's been there for you in thick and thin.

Don't go in all guns blazing because your friend's been weird and unpleasant once, after the time and love she's shown you before.

If this is unsalveagable, that might be the case and so be it, but keep your head straight, don't get sucked in by people online who won't balance the years of give and take between you.

I wouldn't give Barbourzilla a breakdown of what it's costing you to have her stay as she'll turn it into you grudging her a new coat and spoiling it. I would note down all her unacceptable behaviour, the accusation, involving and upsetting your son, the gaslighting, knowing you're on a tight food budget but happily troughing your leftovers etc etc. Then when she does deign to show her face I'd make it clear the current arrangement is untenable "off you fuck, don't let the door hit your arse on the way out it might rip your jacket"

Shameless placemarking! What a bitch!