Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Massive weird row with friend???

938 replies

LanaKaneIsWeirdedOut · 28/10/2019 11:20

This is going to be a bit long so apologies in advance but I am really fucking upset and more than a little weirded out. Not much gets to me but I am shaking as I type this.

I have been friends with A for 20 years, never had a row in that time...not once.
We've helped each other through all sorts of shit times, and it was the most solid friendship.
Her Dad is friends with us and my Dad etc etc.

Earlier this year she had some housing issues and I offered for her to rent our spare room for a teeny amount of money so she could save.
All good, no problems.
For clarity the people who live here are me, DP, DS (7) and my Dad, and obviously at the moment my friend.
She's been a bit off with me for a few days, to the point where (oh the irony!) I was going to have a word with her later to see if I had done something to upset her.

This morning she comes to me and says she has something to ask me....
About a month ago she bought a really expensive Barbour jacket (what it is is relevant).
It has acquired a small rip/cut at the bottom.
She basically asked if anyone here had done it, and I was obviously horrified and said absolutely no way.

This is where it all gets a bit weird and muddled.
She was saying it must have been done here (it was hanging on the coat rack). She has only taken it out a few times but is 100% convinced it must have happened here because of the "time frame" I am dubious on this cos she took it to work once and taken it in and out of her car and to another friends once or twice.

I said could it have been an accident, like a zip catching it.
She said no way...it was a snip, as it goes through to the back, and it looked like a snip when she first saw it, but the edges have frayed a little now.
So I said (of course cos it's bloody true!) that no one would have snipped it....accidentally and most definitely NOT on purpose.

She accused me of getting defensive (what the fucking fuck...of course I'm getting upset and defensive- she's accusing someone in this house of cutting her coat!) and said that it looked dodgy because of my defensiveness.

There is zero chance anyone in this house would do such a thing.

I know that you'll all be thinking the 7yr old....but he is not allowed scissors unless we are doing craft, and would never do something like that, he's just not that kind of kid, he loves her immensely.

DP is a sack of softness, and it wouldn't even occur to him, ditto my Dad who wasn't even here that week anyway.

She is adamant it happened in this house, and I am 100% sure it didn't.

She is also 100% sure it has been cut.

Towards the end of the row she basically said that if someone (looking at me in that way) had a problem with her they should have said instead of ruining her coat.

I can't fucking believe she would think that of me....I took her into my home for a paltry sum of money....we have covered all the extra gas/leccy etc and not begrudged it AT ALL, we share meals etc

I am so fucking upset that my friend of 20 years has basically accused me/us of being nasty vindictive people.

I had to leave the room, I couldn't believe it, and she has taken that as some sort of proof of my guilt.

I

OP posts:
LucyAutumn · 28/10/2019 21:45

Wow, she's just gone and ruined 20 years of friendship and her current living situation in one fell swoop hasn't she?! Shock

oabiti · 28/10/2019 21:47

Op, she is being a nightmare. But do you really think it's really about the jacket and not something else? You did say that she'd been acting odd lately..

What were the circumstances surrounding her needing to move in with you? What were her housing issues?

BTW, I'm not excusing her bad behaviour...

MotherofPoodles · 28/10/2019 21:47

Turns out no nervous breakdown, she's just a cunt.

FrancisCrawford · 28/10/2019 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ALittleBitofVitriol · 28/10/2019 21:50

I'd hand this one off now, she's trying to manipulate you...

"Look friend, do whatever you want. When you're ready to talk like grown-ups, you organise a time with dp/dad, because I am too hurt and tired of your games"

Sleepthiefismyfavourite · 28/10/2019 21:50
Shock
Emus · 28/10/2019 21:51

Sounds to me like someone else is winding her up and unfortunately she's letting them. Hope you get to the bottom of it OP. Hopefully she'll come to her senses tomorrow. Thanks

Herja · 28/10/2019 21:52

Is the stupid coat at yours? At this point I really would take the scissors to it. Might be mean, but she's being a cunt. I have generally found cuntish behaviour in return to be faaaaaar more satisfying, both long and short term, than taking the moral high ground.

willloman · 28/10/2019 21:52

call house meeting (including her). speak of problem. I'm sure the suggested remedy of her moving will crop up quickly. Her suggestion is a sly/vindictive one - it says a great deal about how her mind works. Don't let it slide, she will assume she's correct and spread the lie.

lottiegarbanzo · 28/10/2019 21:56

Maybe she needs to be 'made homeless' so that her new preferred host will feel the need to offer her a bed?

testingtesting111 · 28/10/2019 21:56

Apologies if someone has already said it but she is hoping to catch you alone without your partner / dad.

Mitzicoco · 28/10/2019 21:59

I feel so bad for you op. You've obviously been an excellent friend to her. But no way can she stay now. She'll have to leave tomorrow. You can't end up feeling uncomfortable (understatement) in your own bloody house!!!

Bumfuzzled · 28/10/2019 22:00

I half agree with ignoring and sleeping in it.

However, I wouldn’t want her around tomorrow day time confronting you again in front of your DS. I’d be tempted to say that until the adults of the house have sat down to discuss it she is not welcome back in the house. If you don’t say that, it will ruin another day of your DS half term.

Please do open your eyes to her though, she has taken advantage of you financially, gaslighted you and is now controlling the situation. She is not a good friend, really she isn’t. I wouldn’t want her in my family home.

timshelthechoice · 28/10/2019 22:00

That last message should have been your tipping point. 'Don't bother coming back tonight. I'm fucking done. Let me know when you want to collect your stuff and give back your key. You need to find another place to live. Not.my.problem.anymore.'

And disable the doorbell.

She's a piece of work. Still trying to dictate to you when you control your own home. Fuck that.

The night that silly cow set our flat on fire and then shrugged at us to use our insurance and turned it back round on us that it was our fault for not having an ironing board (so she had to leave the bloody iron flat on the floor and leave?!) we had just had enough and told her to leave. She had the nerve to be affronted and pull poor me, where am I going to go? Not my problem, what about all that money you must have saved not paying rent or bills for 9 months? Bye!

Enough is enough. She's costing you money whilst you're eating on £30 a week and then accusing you of cutting her 200 quid jacket.

oabiti · 28/10/2019 22:01

And she kept going on about it being like a locked room mystery as it could have only been one of us (even though she's taken it out a few times) which really fucked me off cos we ain't in an Agatha Christie novel.

Grin
Mitzicoco · 28/10/2019 22:03

Has she got lots of stuff at yours? I would make sure DJ or do is there with you when she goes. Might make things a bit easier for you

ktp100 · 28/10/2019 22:05

Friend, do as you please tonight but we WILL be sitting down with all of my family tomorrow and you will explain why you saw fit to accuse us of something so petty. We have bent over backwards for you because we all love you but please do not take our kindness for weakness. We will not be brushing this under the carpet

tabbiemoo · 28/10/2019 22:06

I would be the bigger person and just not reply, don’t get caught up in some petty text row. Then tomorrow just give her the cold shoulder, let her come to you, she needs to apologise for accusing you and your family but don’t chase her for it.

Mitzicoco · 28/10/2019 22:07

That should read Dh or dp 😬

Cryalot2 · 28/10/2019 22:07

Sounds as though she has seen your life and is jealous.

Just a thought , but with her new wonderful job could she be on something? It would explain her behaviour which is inexcusable.
You and your family have done nothing but shown her kindness, yet she behaves like this.
She owes you answers as to why she has decided to ruin a lovely friendship and what makes her sure about the coat.
There seems more to it.
Flowers

TooManyPaws · 28/10/2019 22:07

Bloody hell, what a stupid song and dance to make about a Barbour. The only person who wears an immaculate Barbour is someone trying to be Hyacinth Bouquet. Certainly not worth ruining a friendship over.

She's made her bed - elsewhere, so let her lie on it.

Knittedfairies · 28/10/2019 22:12

I believe Barbour offered the Queen a new jacket to celebrate her Diamond Jubilee; she refused, asking instead that hers be refurbished. I suspect all those Corgis must have made the odd hole in her jacket over the years...

CanISpeakToYourManager · 28/10/2019 22:12

Ah, Cryalot2 with the old MN classic reply: "Are you on glue?" Grin

2stepsonthewater · 28/10/2019 22:13

I suspect she's told her dad about it and he's told her she's being a wanker and Barbour jackets can rip etc. So now she's desperately backtracking, oh I didn't really say that, and is scared to face the music at your place. She's trying to stay in control, telling you when you will talk about it. But actually the ball is in your court now. She doesn't have the maturity to apologize so I would calmly tell her to leave.

crazeelala2u · 28/10/2019 22:13

Seriously place marking for tomorrows update. This is crazy!

Swipe left for the next trending thread