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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered. WWYD?

999 replies

hangingabout · 28/10/2019 11:03

DH’s cousin and his new wife arrived on Saturday from the US. They’re only here until tomorrow. On Saturday afternoon, I had made lunch for about 20 people because other relatives came over to see them, but the wife went to bed after about one hour. All she ate was a tiny piece of roti and she was very quiet. Fair enough, I thought, she’s probably jet-lagged. Anyway, she has not been seen since! I’m not sure what to do now.
Yesterday morning, I made brunch but she didn’t surface. DH said to just leave a tray outside her door and knock. She didn’t answer, but the tray had disappeared later on. Then DH and his cousin were cycling all afternoon, but no sign of her. I asked the cousin if his wife was ok when they got back and he said she was “just lying down” and didn’t need any dinner. Then DH took him to the pub.
Today I was meant to be taking her out but still no sign. DH has gone to work and the cousin has gone to meet some business contacts. I have 3 teen / tweens here. AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

OP posts:

BarbaraofSeville · 28/10/2019 14:07

Oh, just spotted there are tweens and teens in the house, so assuming that at least one of them is planning to stay at home, you can just go out then OP.

Smotheroffive · 28/10/2019 14:07

Cannot phantom why she can’t let him in??

More spooky Halloween strange happenings on MN....

Damntheman · 28/10/2019 14:08

I would assume she's shy, but she's taken it way too far into fucking rude territory. And your DH needs a good talking to! Who the hell is he to dictate what you can and cannot do when he's just abandoned you to look after this ghost guest? She can let her husband in if he comes home before you. Tell her you're going out (don't ask) and then take your patient kids out already.

Smotheroffive · 28/10/2019 14:08

I thought OP said they all had to go out for something.

Come to Jesus conversation

GrumpyHoonMain · 28/10/2019 14:14

If I behaved like the OP’s cousin-in-law is doing in my inlaws house my parents would be having a ‘going to Jesus’ conversation with me lol

Original poster

hangingabout · 28/10/2019 14:16

DH presumably wants me to be here because he thinks it’s rude to be out if his cousin comes home and there’s nobody offer tea etc. But the cousin has gone off on his own business, so I don’t think he’ll mind. I’m just going to leave a note and say I’ve just popped out quickly for a hour and I’ll tell her too. The eldest teen has gone out anyway, it’s just the other two. If it looks rude, then that’s that, but they need to communicate better imo and it’s now past 2pm.

OP posts:

Jux · 28/10/2019 14:16

It is rude, very rude. I would leave her to it.

Take the teens/tweens out, follow your own plans. If she wants to go to Harrods, she can either make her way there in a taxi, or you can tell her when it's convenient to YOU to take her; as you've hung about for days waiting for her already there's no need to do it any more. You can tell her that.

HollowTalk · 28/10/2019 14:19

You could always shout up the stairs "I'm off out now" fake a front door close and then go sit in the lounge. If she comes down, I'd be then saying "so what's this all about then?"

I love MN for this sort of reply.

SandAndSea · 28/10/2019 14:24

You could always shout up the stairs "I'm off out now" fake a front door close and then go sit in the lounge. If she comes down, I'd be then saying "so what's this all about then?"

AmIThough · 28/10/2019 14:27

Cannot phantom why she can’t let him in??

AdoreTheBeach · 28/10/2019 14:27

If she is staying in, surely she can answer the door for her own husband. Advise your DH if that and perhaps to let his cousin know.

If you have a mobile, he could also text you when he’ll be back.

diddl · 28/10/2019 14:27

"DH presumably wants me to be here because he thinks it’s rude to be out if his cousin comes home and there’s nobody offer tea etc."

Wtf??

Then tell him that you are going out now & he needs to come home in case anyone needs waiting on!

wigglybluelines · 28/10/2019 14:29

Yes, leave a note and go! You can't be expected to keep your DC in on the off chance someone who isn't even there might want a cup of tea!

PhilCornwall1 · 28/10/2019 14:33

"DH presumably wants me to be here because he thinks it’s rude to be out if his cousin comes home and there’s nobody offer tea etc."

Please tell me this is all a wind up?? If not, your husband deserves to be kicked in the nuts!

Smotheroffive · 28/10/2019 14:33

DH presumably wants me to be here because he thinks it’s rude to be out if his cousin comes home and there’s nobody offer tea etc."

DH is nonsense. If he's so worried he needs to get his arse home, not keep you all indoors all day waiting with trays of hot offerings

SandAndSea · 28/10/2019 14:34

You can't be expected to keep your DC in on the off chance someone who isn't even there might want a cup of tea!

^ This.

I would definitely stop waiting on her now. I think I would just let her know when dinner (or whatever) is ready and serve it downstairs.

Lhastingsmua · 28/10/2019 14:35

Sorry bu

Justmuddlingalong · 28/10/2019 14:39

Are you living in a sexist time warp? I'd fuck off out and leave the crazies to get on with it. God knows there's enough of them.

DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 28/10/2019 14:41

The first think that jumps to mind is pregnancy. I’m currently 17+6 and honestly couldn’t have managed a transatlantic flight during my first 12 weeks- if we’d had one booked I don’t know what I’d have done!

(Probably had a quiet word with you/a female family member when we first arrived and then not emerged from the room the whole time either)!

She may have lost a pregnancy before though and therefore not want to say anything to anyone!

Is the food being eaten? Or ‘picked at’?
I think that might be a good indicator.
Either way I wouldn’t take it to heart at all, if she’s being polite and kind when you go up I’d just take it that there’s maybe something you don’t know and get on with your day best you can ❤️

(After how poorly I was (HG) and how hard/badly I tried to hide it in the early days I’m not rather forgiving of women ‘acting strangely’ 😂)

Daddystilllost · 28/10/2019 14:41

Stop being a doormat op and allowing yourself to be bosses around! Get yourselves out and enjoy what is left of the day!!

DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 28/10/2019 14:42

*now rather forgiving

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 28/10/2019 14:44

I wouldn't bother with a note. You don't need to run anything by her. You don't need to let her know your movements. If your husband thinks someone needs to be on hand to wait on them, then it can be him.

The woman doesn't want to engage with any of you. Do whatever it is you want to do and ignore anything else. Count down the minutes until they leave and never offer your house as a base again!!

RantyAnty · 28/10/2019 14:45

Is it possible she is autistic or has severe social phobia?

Give her the benefit of the doubt instead of automatically assuming she's rude. If it is some type of disorder, then she can't help it.

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 28/10/2019 14:46

Just leave her to it and go out with your kids. Blimey,the angst on here is mind boggling sometimes. You've asked her if she wanted to go out and she she didn't say yes so just go out. She's obviously quite happy doing whatever she is doing.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 28/10/2019 14:48

Maybe she's not the real wife. Does she have buttons for eyes?
Very rude and strange op.

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