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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered. WWYD?

999 replies

hangingabout · 28/10/2019 11:03

DH’s cousin and his new wife arrived on Saturday from the US. They’re only here until tomorrow. On Saturday afternoon, I had made lunch for about 20 people because other relatives came over to see them, but the wife went to bed after about one hour. All she ate was a tiny piece of roti and she was very quiet. Fair enough, I thought, she’s probably jet-lagged. Anyway, she has not been seen since! I’m not sure what to do now.
Yesterday morning, I made brunch but she didn’t surface. DH said to just leave a tray outside her door and knock. She didn’t answer, but the tray had disappeared later on. Then DH and his cousin were cycling all afternoon, but no sign of her. I asked the cousin if his wife was ok when they got back and he said she was “just lying down” Hmm and didn’t need any dinner. Then DH took him to the pub.
Today I was meant to be taking her out but still no sign. DH has gone to work and the cousin has gone to meet some business contacts. I have 3 teen / tweens here. AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 28/10/2019 13:49

I'm agoraphobic but I would be desperate to get out of the house and away from her by now.

Tell your husband and his cousin to get back here in the next half an hour as you are going out with the children, everyone is being bloody rude to you and taking advantage of you being nice.

PhilCornwall1 · 28/10/2019 13:50

Now he says I have to stay in because he doesn’t know if his cousin has a key or what his plans are.

OP, now your husband is really taking this piss. Tell him you have two words for him and the decoy ones "off", he can fill in the blank!

jetSTAR · 28/10/2019 13:51

Is your DH not with the husband? 🤔

BarbaraofSeville · 28/10/2019 13:51

How do you know roles are not reversed when it's a friend or family member of the OP who comes to visit

Oh come on, has a man ever stayed at home for two days straight to run after his wife's cousin's wife, husband, dog or anyone else that he hardly knows?

The key/door issue is a difficulty. You'd probably not want to go out and lock her in, in case there's a fire, but I certainly wouldn't want to leave the door unlocked when she's hiding upstairs, due to the risk of sneak in burglaries.

If you have a spare key, I'd just give her the key, tell her you're going out and leave her and her 'maybe laters' to it.

AmIThough · 28/10/2019 13:52

Go out and take the kids. If his cousin doesn't have a key he'll just have to wait for you or DH to come home. Not your problem.

GrumpyHoonMain · 28/10/2019 13:52

I still think you should be having a conversation with her about how rude her behaviour is. Not sure why you feel you can’t. You’re her elder bhabhi for godsake.

carbuncleonapigsposterior · 28/10/2019 13:52

You've been extremely kind and considerate OP. I'd simply ask her husband, "is she ill or unwell, or is there some other issue?" If not I'd leave her to stew in her own juice I really don't see why you should keep running up and downstairs with cups of tea and trays of food as if you are providing some sort of room service. I'd go about your own business, presumably she knows where the kitchen is let her husband sort her out. I'd make one last trip upstairs tell her you are going out, and she may have to anwer the door to her husband as you can't be sure he has a key.

PhilCornwall1 · 28/10/2019 13:53

decoy ones "off",

Second ones "off"

Fat fingers!!

Elbbob · 28/10/2019 13:53

@hangingabout don't listen to your husband - take the kids out. If the cousin comes home his wife can let him in, it's not like she's going anywhere!

CriticalCondition · 28/10/2019 13:54

he says I have to stay in because he doesn’t know if his cousin has a key

She can let him in. No reason why you and the kids can't go out.

bluetue · 28/10/2019 13:56

Why can't she let the cousin in if she isn't going anywhere?? This is so strange.

If they are doing a lot of travelling maybe she does see this as a bit of a break and chance to her herself sorted etc

Lunde · 28/10/2019 13:56

Ignore your DH. Why should you sit at home like the maid? In anycase if his cousin comes home his wife can let him in - no?

Ilovetolurk · 28/10/2019 13:58

I would stop taking food and stop knocking. She’ll come out when she’s ready

It’s like coaxing out a lost hamster

I hope you’ve gone out OP

Smotheroffive · 28/10/2019 13:59

Yes, call husbands back to take over the reins.

Her DH needs to get a grip. Wait until they return. They can sort dinner whilst you head out and get your stuff done.

NearlyGranny · 28/10/2019 13:59

Exactly! Not as if the house is going to be empty, is it? If her DH turns up without a key, his DW can come down three flights and open the door to him!

Ploiteness in any culture does not demand more staying in from you. Are you from the same culture yourself or did you marry into it? She may be shyer of you if you did.

This seems weird to me, though I have had similar from Australian house guests who turn up for a stay in December/January and are totally thrown by the short days and cold weather!

OkayGoooouuuuuullllll · 28/10/2019 13:59

I think if she wanted to behave like that she had better stay in a hotel next time (if there is one). I wouldn't be taking food up to her. If she's hungry she needs to come down and be bloody polite at the very least.

Beveren · 28/10/2019 13:59

Now he says I have to stay in because he doesn’t know if his cousin has a key or what his plans are.

Can't he phone his cousin and ask? And if he does come back, can't his wife let him in?

youngestisapsycho · 28/10/2019 13:59

Just go out OP... she can open the door if she's not going anywhere... you've been a lot more patient then I would have been!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 28/10/2019 13:59

Definitely go out! What a rude woman. and tell your DH to come back and wait for HIS cousin if he’s worried he can’t get in. Cannot phantom why she can’t let him in??

NoHummus · 28/10/2019 13:59

Please take your kids out OP. If she's not leaving the house she can let her DH in when he comes back surely? Problem solved!

Sexnotgender · 28/10/2019 14:00

How odd.

And I agree no reason you need to stay in, sod that.

Wonkybanana · 28/10/2019 14:01

OP go out. Is your door a Yale? If so, drop the latch, she can let him in if he arrives before you're back. If not, leave her a key. Then her DH isn't your problem.

But if this, as yo say, is a recurring issue, then you need a firm discussion with your DH about boundaries and expectations in future. He shouldn't be inviting his family in a way that has absolutely no impact on him while you're expected to do all the work.

PuppyMonkey · 28/10/2019 14:04

Ridiculous. Just go out and carry on with your business, tell her you’ll be back later and if the cousin comes back she can open the door. And if she won’t open the door to him because she doesn’t like coming out the room, he can text her and say “it’s me, let me in.”Confused

gamerchick · 28/10/2019 14:04

SHE is in to open the door Confused

Tell her you're going out and shell have to let her bloke in if he knocks. Then go out.

Come on lass, get yourselves out for a bit fresh air and away from the weirdness.

Then have a come to Jesus conversation with your husband later on.

PuppyMonkey · 28/10/2019 14:05

Come to Jesus conversation? HmmGrin

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