I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered. WWYD?

[hangingabout]

DH’s cousin and his new wife arrived on Saturday from the US. They’re only here until tomorrow. On Saturday afternoon, I had made lunch for about 20 people because other relatives came over to see them, but the wife went to bed after about one hour. All she ate was a tiny piece of roti and she was very quiet. Fair enough, I thought, she’s probably jet-lagged. Anyway, she has not been seen since! I’m not sure what to do now.
Yesterday morning, I made brunch but she didn’t surface. DH said to just leave a tray outside her door and knock. She didn’t answer, but the tray had disappeared later on. Then DH and his cousin were cycling all afternoon, but no sign of her. I asked the cousin if his wife was ok when they got back and he said she was “just lying down” and didn’t need any dinner. Then DH took him to the pub.
Today I was meant to be taking her out but still no sign. DH has gone to work and the cousin has gone to meet some business contacts. I have 3 teen / tweens here. AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

DH presumably wants me to be here because he thinks it’s rude to be out if his cousin comes home and there’s nobody offer tea etc

Shame he doesn't have much of an opinion of her staying in the room all the time.

I think it's rude, I would bever do this even if I wasn't feeling myself Id still make the effort as someone if accommodating and making the effort.

Sounds like for some reason she doesn't want to be in your house, maybe they argued cause she doesn't want to stay with you? Maybe she's not use to staying with people who aren't close family? It's a bit off.

"DH presumably wants me to be here because he thinks it’s rude to be out if his cousin comes home and there’s nobody offer tea etc. "

Text him to say you are going out now, so he'd better hurry back to let his cousin in

Also tell him that in future HE looks after his assorted relatives, instead of giving you orders to look after them
You're not the bloody housemaid

Sorry nothing useful to add but you lot do make me laugh. Loved this -

Maybe she's not the real wife. Does she have buttons for eyes?

I basically stopped at the thought that you're taking food to her room. WTAF?

s it possible she is autistic or has severe social phobia?

In reality though, if she has/is it's not the OPs problem, it's her husbands and he would be taking this piss doing what he's doing if she has got an issue like that.

I would take food to a guests room,I have no issues with that at all but I wouldn't be hanging around all day on the off chance they might want to go out.

DH presumably wants me to be here because he thinks it’s rude to be out if his cousin comes home and there’s nobody offer tea etc.

And HER behavior isn't rude?!!! I wouldn't wait for Madam to deign to come out of her room and leave her to it. I'd just go about your business as usual. I'm guessing there is a cultural element to this that perhaps we are missing because I can't think of any friends or relatives for whom this would be acceptable behaviour in any way.

I also wouldn't be taking food up to her room for her. If she wants to eat she can join the rest of you.

OP- seriously just do your own thing & leave her to it. I had this with ExMIL & ExSIL. They’re from another culture (not Indian) & they were a nightmare when they used to come & stay. They’d be in until about 2pm and wouldn’t appear properly until 5ish when SIL would look daggers at me for no reason while MIL dripped around muttering under her breath & dabbing the worktops with a tissue . It used to drive me fucking mental and these trips were about 10-14 days long.
Your guest is probably completely oblivious to how you feel. Yes it’s incredibly rude and I remember how annoyed I used to feel but ultimately getting pissed off only affected me.
Good luck .

You should’ve have brought her food op/ I’d have starved her out

And HER behavior isn't rude?!!! I wouldn't wait for Madam to deign to come out of her room and leave her to it. I'd just go about your business as usual. I'm guessing there is a cultural element to this that perhaps we are missing because I can't think of any friends or relatives for whom this would be acceptable behaviour in any way.

This ^^.
She is massively impacting on you and your children's half term holiday. Unless there is a back story I agree that she is taking the piss.

Quite frankly if this was happening in my house I would want a proper explanation, and if one was not forthcoming I wouldn't be tiptoing around, and would carry on and go out as planned.

All very strange - I think it's quite odd that her husband has seemingly just abandoned her with strangers - I would actually be going with a couple of cups of tea, plonk myself on the bed & ask what on earth is going on

posters assuming OP is Asian and it’s an arranged marriage because she made a roti on Saturday.

I made an Arctic roll last week, am I an Eskimo?

Leave her to it, OP. She’s odd.

Go out and stay out...take the kids out for dinner and your DH, his cousin and his wife can sort themselves out if and when they decide to come home. It sounds like they’re all treating you with no respect OP. X

Extremely rude.

Your husband sounds like a right beauty, not bothered about his wife and children being massively inconvenienced by these guests.

I definitely think you need a conversation about your guests.

I certainly wouldn't be bringing her anymore food upstairs.

I haven’t read all of the pages ( lazy ) but wondered if she was like a relative ours, who is just plain rude when she has visited family.
Goes off to bed, requests meals at awkward times, then wants a takeaway.

Definitely odd. Probably rude. Possibly cultural.

In any case just do what you want to do and don't worry about her, your DH or the cousin. Presumably someone could text the cousin to say "just to let you know we're out till x o'clock if you come back before then your wife can let you in"

I'd be presenting her with a bill on the way out for all the room service she's been given.

If her husband is so nice and chatty, I don't understand why you've not just asked him what's going on. Call him and say you've left his DW at home, that she hasn't come out and you're wondering if she's ok because you don't want to keep pestering her but equally you don't want her to feel she has to stay alone in her room all the time.

I really don't understand why you don't go out. Tell her you are going and tell her to listen out to the doorbell to let her DH in. I'm finding the angst as weird as her staying in her room 🤷‍♀️

Text DH cousin that you are out and he needs to contact his wife to get back in the house. Sorted.

I wonder if she thinks you’re an air bnb

I made an Arctic roll last week, am I an Eskimo?

It depends. Do you shop in Iceland?

Maybe she thinks being a perfect guest means staying out the way? There could be others....try looking behind the sofa? Have the tea tray ready.

God I love Arctic roll...

Is he called Maris?

I reckon religion is afoot.