FWIW I never feel like being the guest when I have jet lag.
I hate being asked questions by my nervous, over eager host, and really feel the weight of obligation to make small talk with my DH’s friends and family to be absolutely crushing.
Staying in a room on my own after a long flight sounds ideal. And if I’m going on to another time zone, I don’t bother to acclimate at all.
I also work very long hours and really, really just want to chill when I’m travelling.
Sounds like family obligations meant she had to stay with you, and not a hotel, but for me I’d always stay in a hotel, as being pestered by an inquisitive host, or feeling obliged to fit into my DH’s family or friends gives me the heebies. I can literally think of nothing worse than having to make small talk with the wife of my DH’s friend or family members, or their kids when I’m jet lagged or just want to rest.
I don’t think she was rude at all. She had her own plan, and your DH and her DH let you down on the communication.
Her plan didn’t include you, and even though she said she was looking forward to London and seeing your kids etc, that was just being polite.
Expect a repeat performance, unless your DH can encourage her DH to stay in an hotel.
No need to get worked up op, she didn’t do anything personal to you! She just did her own thing... if you need to be angry, get angry with your DH and her DH.
It sounds like to me you were expecting something different than the reality of having a guest who felt she needed some down time before meeting more relatives in another time zone.
It might be better not to fight the reality of a situation!
Lower you expectations and I’d say you’ll have a lovey time when they stay again. Make plans for yourselves, leave her a key.