I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered. WWYD?

[hangingabout]

DH’s cousin and his new wife arrived on Saturday from the US. They’re only here until tomorrow. On Saturday afternoon, I had made lunch for about 20 people because other relatives came over to see them, but the wife went to bed after about one hour. All she ate was a tiny piece of roti and she was very quiet. Fair enough, I thought, she’s probably jet-lagged. Anyway, she has not been seen since! I’m not sure what to do now.
Yesterday morning, I made brunch but she didn’t surface. DH said to just leave a tray outside her door and knock. She didn’t answer, but the tray had disappeared later on. Then DH and his cousin were cycling all afternoon, but no sign of her. I asked the cousin if his wife was ok when they got back and he said she was “just lying down” and didn’t need any dinner. Then DH took him to the pub.
Today I was meant to be taking her out but still no sign. DH has gone to work and the cousin has gone to meet some business contacts. I have 3 teen / tweens here. AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

Strange that your cousin ordered her food without discussion tho...

The whole situation sounds worrying....

Wonder if she's on heavy medication.

It actually sounds like she's struggling.

Think you've done all you can

I am very invested in this situation. Looking forward to any and all updates!

Can’t you get your DH to ask his cousin directly about the weirdness?

What is your DH’s take on her behaviour this evening?

Maybe she is on some sort of strong medication or taking something like opium/narcotics? Very strange.

This reminds me of a girl I shared a flat with in halls of residence when I was at university. She was Indian (I think/guess) and was hugely introverted and shy. Never emerged from her bedroom except to go to her course. Also we suspected she had an eating disorder as it was a shared bathroom/toilet (IYKWIM). We tried to be friendly with her but she really was painfully shy. I think she left after the first term.

OP, you have to ask her!

Can you say something like "I can see that something is wrong. I am concerned. Please talk to me. I will keep it confidential."

Cross your fingers behind your back when you say the confidential bit because you have to tell us.

I feel like it’s a bit of a leap for pps to decide it’s probably abuse - although not dismissing the reality that plenty of women are abused.

It just feels like there could be a number of reasons for this weirdness, and abuse is not necessarily the front-runner imo, based on what the OP has described. The field is wide open.

I also think you should say something to her. Bonkers. Hope she's ok

The 'break' from her professional career might have been necessary for her mental health. She might be recovering from a breakdown.

Alternatively, she might just be absolutely loaded... from a background where servants do lots of things for her.

This is absurd and I have to place mark. She really doesn’t sound ok

I'm starting to feel sorry for her. If she's so obviously struggling why is her DH just buggering off and leaving her alone with his family? You sound lovely OP but he should be keeping her company if she's ill.
Unless as PPs have suggested, he's abusive and that's why she's given up work and is too frightened to speak to anyone

American and Canadian Indian women often do give up work after they get married - the communities there are far more regressive than in the UK and it’s not necessarily a red flag. What is a red flag is staying in her room all day and expecting a much older bhabhi from her in-law’s side to wait on her hand and foot without even an explanation or apology (if she were pregnant or sick then it would probably have come out by now). Her reputation will turn to mud when she finally goes to India.

Anyone else hoping that poor woman does a runner soon? Not from you, OP, but from her marriage. Something is seriously wrong.

She's up there having the world's longest wank?

What does your DH think about it? I think you both need to sit down with his cousin and ask what gives! Say, look, we're really worried, she doesn't seem OK, this won't fly in India etc and then see what she says. Or ask her MIL maybe, if she's like that at home? Maybe she is normality fairly anxious but doesn't travel well and then in a strange place.

Selective mutism springs to mind, especially happens in unfamiliar situations, where relatives not known well, more common where people have migrated from country of birth.

Any more events today OP? Hope you’ve managed to survive the rest of the visit. What did your DH say about the weird restaurant trip?

Might she be submissive?

Sounds like DV to me

Ok, earlier I thought a caste thing...now just wondering if she could be on the autistic spectrum? Someone who was highly intelligent and qualified but now having to try and be a ‘wife’ and ‘sociable’ which may not come easily or naturally to her?

The not getting out of the car etc suggests she's heavily medicated and her thoughts and actions are very slow. Almost a catatonic state.

A reaction to abuse/mental health?

I'd talk to her dh tomorrow and ask directly why she's behaved the way she has as you are "extremely concerned about her". And I'd keep on badgering until I get some sort of explanation. If you know him as well as you say you do, then you can do this.

I am a greedy fucker who loves to travel, I am very jealous of these families who get to go visit their large extended families and enjoy feasts, I especially love roti and Indian food. My family is crap, MILs effort is a supermarket cooked chicken and some precooked lukewarm potato wedges of the hot food counter.