Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered. WWYD?

999 replies

hangingabout · 28/10/2019 11:03

DH’s cousin and his new wife arrived on Saturday from the US. They’re only here until tomorrow. On Saturday afternoon, I had made lunch for about 20 people because other relatives came over to see them, but the wife went to bed after about one hour. All she ate was a tiny piece of roti and she was very quiet. Fair enough, I thought, she’s probably jet-lagged. Anyway, she has not been seen since! I’m not sure what to do now.
Yesterday morning, I made brunch but she didn’t surface. DH said to just leave a tray outside her door and knock. She didn’t answer, but the tray had disappeared later on. Then DH and his cousin were cycling all afternoon, but no sign of her. I asked the cousin if his wife was ok when they got back and he said she was “just lying down” Hmm and didn’t need any dinner. Then DH took him to the pub.
Today I was meant to be taking her out but still no sign. DH has gone to work and the cousin has gone to meet some business contacts. I have 3 teen / tweens here. AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 28/10/2019 22:03

She sounds like the most well rested person in London! Did she finally make it to dinner?

Celeriacacaca · 28/10/2019 22:04

OP I really need an early night but that's impossible until I know if she made it
to dinner...

LynetteScavo · 28/10/2019 22:05

I've just read the whole thread and I need to know if she's come out of her room for dinner.

I think she's just very shy and gave yo her job due to anxiety. I bet she came out if her room, but found the meal excruciating.

I'd tell her she'll need to try to be more sociable in India.

Usingmyindoorvoice · 28/10/2019 22:12

I bet she’s pregnant.
When I was expecting my first and around 8 weeks we went on holiday and I honestly slept or rested for about 18 hours a day. I joined my dh to look at dinner, feel nauseous, sip water and go back to bed.
With subsequent pregnancies I had terrible fatigue in the first trimester but no option other than to ‘ get on with it’

TheWeeMacGregors · 28/10/2019 22:13

This is so weird. I’m an introvert and go for the occasional ‘nap’ at my in laws, but never more than 30 mins - it’s just so rude!

SummerHouse · 28/10/2019 22:13

Is house guest ill, pregnant, anxious or rude? Did she emerge for Thai meal? How many outfits did she wear? Did she partake of a nibble of prawn toast? Find out next week on I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered.

TimeforanotherChange · 28/10/2019 22:13

Omg you HAVE to tell the pair of them how rude they have been and they have offended their hostess. There is no culture in the world where this wouldn't be considered bloody bad manners as a guest in someone's home!

ffswhatnext · 28/10/2019 22:14

I can be blunt
Cheers, and here's to finally see you out of the room. Beginning to think you didn't exist.

ffswhatnext · 28/10/2019 22:17

@TapDanceJazzHands if you read the thread she is moving about but only within the room having her own fashion show. Surely your partner at some point mentioned that you were feeling ill. Not just left everyone wondering what was going on, whilst trays of food were delivered to your door.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 28/10/2019 22:26

Oh OP, no more trays of food, starving her out is the only way

that and pretending to be out! Bang the door, hide and catch her cramming white sliced toast into her mouth as she ransacks the kitchen

She is BEYOND rude now, and as for the cousin "still resting" ....I'd not have let that go by....ask him in great big capital letters WTAF is wrong with his rude wife?

LifeImplosionImminent · 28/10/2019 22:28

I've read the whole thing and I'm:

Angry Angry at the OP for being such a wet lettuce, ask her if there's something wrong, if there isn't tell her she's being rude and you're not brining any more food up she can come down or explain what's up with her (I don't think it's mental health related at all)
Angry Angry at the weird woman who could explain what the fuck is wrong with her or stop being a princess and come and be a tiny bit sovial with the people housing and feeding her
Angry Angry at the weird woman's husband as he really ought to be more apologogetic and help give the weird woman's head a wobble. I would bet my house on him knowing exactly what the matter is.
Angry Angry at OP's DH as he is offloading the problem to her despite it being his family.

It's a mad thread...I'm gonna go have a coffee and calm down...

Andysbestadventure · 28/10/2019 22:28

I would've rocked up and told her to get out of bed, frankly. And that it was rude to be a guest in someone's house and act as she is.

Freddiemercuarysmoustache · 28/10/2019 22:35

Whats is the actual culture is in this senario. Guenuinly asking as i have never met someone who behaved like this despite their culture...

CrotchetyQuaver · 28/10/2019 22:42

I want to know what happened...

Original poster
hangingabout · 28/10/2019 22:43

Well what a delight that was. She did come out! Shock No word as to, “sorry I haven’t seen you or the kids since Saturday, I’ve been ill / jet lagged etc etc.” Nothing! She looked as if she was going for a professional photo shoot. We were only out locally. Her husband was in the room with her a while before she came down and we were late for the reservation. But the most strange thing of all is that she has literally said NOTHING, except for “yes” or “no”. She is laughing at things people say and not being rude, but I do feel quite bad for her. We’re not scary people at all! I’ve never had anything like this happen. But the cousin is the same as he always has been.
I did ask her if she had given up work and she just said, “yes”. She was working as something quite specialist in a medical field. I’m wondering if they’re trying to conceive, but I couldn’t really ask that, so I just said, “did you need a break?” and she just said, “yes.” Her husband didn’t pass comment though he could hear this. DH was really trying eg. asking her about her new home and it was all “yes” or “no”. I feel bad for her, but it’s hard work. When we arrived she wasn’t getting out the car. DH asked if he could help and it was a “yes” so he had to literally guide and sort of lift her out over a slight shallow puddle. She did eat though. But she wouldn’t order for herself and her husband just ordered for her without discussion anything. I don’t know how she got through the wedding if this is her personality. It must have been so stressful to have all that attention and now I think the families must have just organised it regardless of her feelings. It was literally Hollywood meets Bollywood and completely OTT. It wasn’t an arranged marriage but they would have been “introduced” somewhere along the lines because the families originate from the same region of India and some of DH’s family still set some store about the caste they hail from and various other such matters. His other cousin has also eventually married in the same way, even though they both had allsorts of girlfriends before. I hope they’re ok. Sorry to waffle on. Thankyou for helping me through the weirdness.

OP posts:
funkylittleboatrace · 28/10/2019 22:44

I have never refreshed a thread so much I need to knoooooooooooow!

nozbottheblue · 28/10/2019 22:49

How very odd. Well done op for keeping trying!

LLOE7 · 28/10/2019 22:52

OP just wondering if you are both speaking the same language? Maybe she just doesn't understand what you are saying?

Dollymixture22 · 28/10/2019 22:53

Abusive relationship?

Unhappy marriage?

Depression or other mental illness?

Sweetpea55 · 28/10/2019 22:54

How weird and trying for you op
Is her room ensuite? How can she go two days without showering?

Butterflycookie · 28/10/2019 22:57

I’m so confused as to why anyone would behave like that. Seriously I would just go and chat to her. Ask her if there is anything wrong, why is she only giving yes or no answers, why hasn’t she been coming down for food, what is her problem lol. Don’t just leave this......this is awfully strange behaviour. Make as if you’re worried about her, if she’s being abused or something. Hopefully she’ll open up Hmm

Stompythedinosaur · 28/10/2019 22:57

Thanks for updating, op. I think I am too invested!

I think I would ask the cousin not to go out alone in future as it is too awkward with his wife refusing to come out. I wouldn't want to pretend it wasn't rude and uncomfortable. I also wouldn't have them to stay again.

richteasandcheese · 28/10/2019 22:58

Lifted her over a puddle? What on earth? Even the queen can get herself over a puddle!!

ffswhatnext · 28/10/2019 22:59

Omfg, the little princess has got you both twisted around her little finger. Feel sorry for her my arse.
Getting your husband to carry her out of the car and over a puddle ffs. 🤣 Where was the pathetic excuse of a husband?

NightOwl27 · 28/10/2019 23:01

Hahah I stayed up late for the update and now I'm even more weirded out than before!! Not getting out the car and having to be led into the restaurant is so strange. Ditto for not talking!

I don't think it sounds like typical social anxiety. I have that along with emetophobia and have had to hide my pregnancy with nausea at weddings & social events. People with social anxiety would not do anything to draw more negative attention to themselves. Even if I
I'm on the verge of a full-blown panic attack I will make all the effort I can to appear polite and normal because I can't bear the thought of making a fool of myself in public. If all fails, I will hide in the toilets or make an excuse to leave but apologise profusely.

The last thing anyone with social anxiety will do is act so weird in public that they know other people are noticing or judging them. The only time I did deliberately stay silent (to the point other people noticed) was when DH said something immensely thoughtless in front of our friends so I was really angry and wanted him to know. Up until the dinner party I would have guessed pregnancy/mh issues but after this update it sounds more like a relationship or general "can't be arsed to be here" thing.

Such a shame they're leaving tomorrow...this thread would have entertained me for days :D