I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered. WWYD?

[hangingabout]

DH’s cousin and his new wife arrived on Saturday from the US. They’re only here until tomorrow. On Saturday afternoon, I had made lunch for about 20 people because other relatives came over to see them, but the wife went to bed after about one hour. All she ate was a tiny piece of roti and she was very quiet. Fair enough, I thought, she’s probably jet-lagged. Anyway, she has not been seen since! I’m not sure what to do now.
Yesterday morning, I made brunch but she didn’t surface. DH said to just leave a tray outside her door and knock. She didn’t answer, but the tray had disappeared later on. Then DH and his cousin were cycling all afternoon, but no sign of her. I asked the cousin if his wife was ok when they got back and he said she was “just lying down” and didn’t need any dinner. Then DH took him to the pub.
Today I was meant to be taking her out but still no sign. DH has gone to work and the cousin has gone to meet some business contacts. I have 3 teen / tweens here. AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

Blimey. I'm also intrigued to see if she shows her face for dinner, how odd.

Why didn't you ask DH's cousin why she's been in the bedroom for 48 hours solid? If you've known him 15 years surely you should feel comfortable asking him a question as simple as that????

You are not good enough for her to bother with (you‘Re just a servant, traipsing around with trays of food )

The “maybe later” means “as if!”

Your DH commands you to stay at home

You are not exactly surrounded by nice people! Go and do your own thing

I agree with pp that it’s probably motivated by snobbishness of a kind - she doesn’t see you as anyone who is worth getting to know.

But what can you do? She’s married, there’s a cultural expectation her husband expects her to accompany him - I’d actually just have left her in her room and gone out/not brought stuff up? Don’t take it personally. Don’t feel offended but equally don’t act like a servant running after her or someone trying to be besties with the cool girl at school? Imagine it’s like a dreamy/surly teenager who thank GOD isn’t your responsibility so as long as they aren’t wrecking the place let them be?

I mean I’m from a similar cultural background and I know I get dismissed/overlooked by some people because I’m not showing X credential or Z qualification or didn’t go to Y university or have a certain “respected” job title. It’s not designed to hurt me - I just respect my own boundaries and mirror behaviour back,

I’d rather she just stayed there and didn’t cause hassle than come down and be uncomfortable and make everyone else feel uncomfortable too.

Oh resting was she?”

Resting must be the new "taking the piss".

If she doesn't come down for dinner , I think you need to say to her dh look this isn't ok , at best it's rude and at worst I'd be worried what's wrong to stay in the same room since Saturday. I'm assuming as she has washed her hair she's left the room to go the bathroom .

She may surprise you. Or not.

I think @purplepalace has hit the nail on the head OP. Going on what you said about the extravagant wedding etc, I was also thinking that maybe she’s a complete Diva and somehow thinks you’re beneath her? She would obviously have preferred a 5* hotel by the sounds of it. Please put her straight and make it known that she is rude and her behaviour is unacceptable.

Please update after dinner, I'm so invested in the story of this weird house guest!!

Yeah, she is irritated she is not at Claridges or the Ritz

She’ll come down for dinner. I bet she just didn’t want to hang out with OP all day. But she was rude about it for sure.

This is the weirdest thread OP, what odd behaviour! You're amazing and I'm also totally over invested in this thread!

Do you think she knows that she's meant to come out and you're not running some sort of B&B?!

Please let us know what happens at dinner!

This is why I never have anyone within family or otherwise to stay with me.

Lesson learned ages ago.

I stand by that. I never stay in relatives/friends homes either. No matter how welcoming they are. I always want to to do my own thing without any hassles for anyone.

I think the DH is getting an overly hard time here, I think he's naively been trying the minimise the situation (possibly wishfully thinking everything will sort itself out).

No, he's hasn't been very supportive, but I presume he's just bewildered, and hasn't really grasped how awkward OP feels. I think the cousin is behaving the same way, cheerfully saying 'she's having a lie down' etc. And just playing down this rude and odd behaviour.

I think the menfolk have been a bit pants, and unsupportive but it's a bit harsh saying they're not nice people etc.

Oh resting was she?”

I wouldn't have let him get away with that. I'd have told him that he shouldn't have left you alone with her.

Also, why are you waiting for her to get ready? What the hell has she been doing all day that's she's not yet ready?

Shameless place mark. Waiting for the meal update.
This is very bizarre behaviour!

She clearly doesn't see the social side of staying with someone as part of the bargain. She doesn't care if she gets to know you or not. Which is pretty bad behaviour if your DH and her DH are close.

And when my DH has family over he takes annual leave. Once he invited his parents to stay for a week and expected me to host them all week while he worked - let's just say we had words and that never happened again.

Weirdly invested in this

Placemarking because this is mad!

She sounds like a snob to me and she doesn't really want to be there. You aren't good enough for her to grace you with her presence and engage in small talk. Her she is probably well aware of how odd it is and is probably really embarrassed by her behaviour so has buried his head in the sand so he doesn't have the awkward conversation explaining her weirdness/snobbishness and maybe feeling like he would be going against her 🤷🏻‍♀️

She is just rude.

If she was shy anxious or jet lagged or even just couldn’t be bothered as just tired/lazy and needed to rest she should have just said. ‘I need a few days to myself, I’ll just be resting, don’t worry about food I can sort myself out’

Or if she was too shy she should have told her dh to say this.

As it was she left her host in an awkward ‘hanging’ Position.

I’d just leave her to it for the rest of her stay. She won’t starve

I’m veering towards high-maintenance.15 outfits at the wedding and spent two days with clothes on her bed choosing what to wear. Now getting ready again.

Anyone else desperate to know if she came down for dinner 🙋🏻‍♀️

It sounds like she had different plans for London and her dh wanted to stay with you. He didn’t compromise and she in turn has stayed with you and that’s it. I would have stopped taking food up to her after Sunday. I would have told her to get dressed and come downstairs. I’m interested to see how this pans out.