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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have a house guest who has been in bed since Saturday and her husband doesn’t seem bothered. WWYD?

999 replies

hangingabout · 28/10/2019 11:03

DH’s cousin and his new wife arrived on Saturday from the US. They’re only here until tomorrow. On Saturday afternoon, I had made lunch for about 20 people because other relatives came over to see them, but the wife went to bed after about one hour. All she ate was a tiny piece of roti and she was very quiet. Fair enough, I thought, she’s probably jet-lagged. Anyway, she has not been seen since! I’m not sure what to do now.
Yesterday morning, I made brunch but she didn’t surface. DH said to just leave a tray outside her door and knock. She didn’t answer, but the tray had disappeared later on. Then DH and his cousin were cycling all afternoon, but no sign of her. I asked the cousin if his wife was ok when they got back and he said she was “just lying down” Hmm and didn’t need any dinner. Then DH took him to the pub.
Today I was meant to be taking her out but still no sign. DH has gone to work and the cousin has gone to meet some business contacts. I have 3 teen / tweens here. AIBU to just go out and leave her a note?

OP posts:
Patroclus · 28/10/2019 15:54

*she

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 28/10/2019 15:54

This is just so strange and I don't understand why you seem to be waiting on everyone hand and foot like their maid. It's your house ffs.

PhilCornwall1 · 28/10/2019 15:54

I’d have starved her out

Same, I'd have starved the bugger out too and if her husband tried to take her anything, he'd be bloody told no too. Your house, your rules.

pictish · 28/10/2019 16:11

I agree this seems odd and rather rude. I wouldn’t be happy with a house guest essentially treating my home like a hotel room, holing up for days and refusing to engage in even a nominal way. Not without some sort of heads up as to why.

Very strange.

Witchinaditch · 28/10/2019 16:15

It’s very rude of your guest, it is not rude to go out when you have guests.

HuggedTree · 28/10/2019 16:15

Seriously just tell her you’re leaving and go, if your DH wants you there he can take the day off work and help out

sonjadog · 28/10/2019 16:19

Of course you can go out. If her husband comes back, she can let him in, can´t she?

Original poster
hangingabout · 28/10/2019 16:21

Thanks everyone. I know this sounds mad. I’ve been out and come back and she’s still upstairs and he’s not back either. I don’t know how she could beat to be in one room since Saturday! So odd.
The thing with DH is he can be quite formal about some things and when we stay with his relatives the hospitality is all about the food and constant tea, so this is normal for him and I feel I have to reciprocate. Anyway, he’s none the wiser that I’ve been out. No idea what she’s doing now. I’m not going up again. This isn’t cultural at all, just very peculiar. I think she must be depressed or possibly pregnant, but even so, I’ve never come across anything like it.

OP posts:
RosesAndLilies · 28/10/2019 16:21

So strange! If I were you I wouldn't be rushing back.

If she is ill/pregnant or has anxiety they should have stayed in a hotel

sonjadog · 28/10/2019 16:24

When are these people leaving? I wouldn't be hurrying to invite them back tbh.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/10/2019 16:25

It doesn’t matter at this stage what the issue is. Your dhs cousins wife is not your responsibility. If he thinks she should be waited on hand and foot, he should have stayed in. It will be interesting to see if she joins you for dinner tonight. Roll on tomorrow. I’d also consider putting my foot down and not have either of them again. He is incredibly rude not to have explained this would happen.

Smotheroffive · 28/10/2019 16:29

Her DH's behaviour is highly questionable, and I wouldn't be able to carry on a normal conversation with him pissing off for so long and leaving her in a stranger's home.

What a dick. She could have taken an overdose or anything up there and he doesn't seem to give a ...

Smilebehappy123 · 28/10/2019 16:31

I would defo check sounds very odd
Is there any strange smell coming from the room.??

Delatron · 28/10/2019 16:33

What is the DH doing that they can’t do together?

PuppyMonkey · 28/10/2019 16:34

So I take it you’re not bothering with taking her to Harrod’s now, OP? Confused

Newbie1981 · 28/10/2019 16:36

Yeah it's not shy, it's rude AF

Curlyeyelash · 28/10/2019 16:37

Yes do check on her. She could be unwell. She may also have bad social skills and feels as if she doesnt want to intrude.

Perhaps offer her a glass of wine and see if she will have a chat and relax?

Curlyeyelash · 28/10/2019 16:39

Also perhaps they are having relationship problems or maybe even have split up? She may feel awkward in that scenario!

Delatron · 28/10/2019 16:42

OP has checked on her constantly and brought her food? She’s pootling around with a towel on her head organisIng her clothes? And being vague about whether she wants to go out. She’s not ill.

PopeHalloweerious · 28/10/2019 16:43

Is she a cam girl?
Could you leave a trail of chocolates leading from her room down to the living room, then knock and run?
Actually I reckon she's trying to establish an alibi...

OVienna · 28/10/2019 16:43

OP, you have a DH problem.

Smotheroffive · 28/10/2019 16:44

Whats a cam girl

Sounds a bit Hmm

Aquamarine1029 · 28/10/2019 16:44

It's such a bizarre situation. On the bright side, she's the easiest houseguest I've ever heard of.

Tinkobell · 28/10/2019 16:44

How strange. Never heard anything like this before. Maybe she's socio-pathic/agoraphobic? Knock, and ask if she's decent and can you pop in for a chat please, say you're worried. If she doesn't allow entry say you're considering seeking medical support soon.

Branster · 28/10/2019 16:47

She is still alive, right?