To think MN is at risk of becoming a Mean Girls bitchfest

[Sparklfairy]

Flame me if you want, but I've been shocked lately at how OPs are being attacked when they post on here.

This isn't a TAAT, it's a general trend of spewing vitriol and being downright nasty in the name of being 'blunt' or 'telling it like it is'.

MN was always the place we could go for honest opinions and different points of view. A fantastic support when people are caught up in bad relationships and can't see the wood from the trees or a way out.

More commonly though I see a pack mentality developing where one poster will make a snide comment and then others pile in. It's no better than playground bullying. Reminds me of mean girls. If you don't write a certain way, use the 'right' MN terms, if you're new and don't know the right MN etiquette yet, and god forbid you don't use perfect grammar, then somehow you don't fit in here and therefore deserve to be called names, mocked and bullied by strangers.

People post on forums like these, especially when new here, when theyre out of options. They don't want to or can't talk to people in RL and want to reach out. I know how it feels to be horribly isolated in a shitty situation and if I'd posted here and received half the abuse I've seen on some threads it could well have pushed me over the edge.

I love reading threads where a woman has got out of a shitty relationship as a result of the support she's read here. But when she's at her lowest, a few shitty comments attacking her for no reason can stop that happening.

By all means, say what you think. But name calling doesn't help. If you have advice, offer it, but berating someone's life choices is simply kicking someone when they're down because you can. And that makes you no better than the bastards some of these women are married to/partnered with.

And before anyone says 'if you don't like MN then leave'. If I did that there would be fewer of us to call this shit out.

Haven’t read the whole thread but I agree OP. It’s become a bit of a viper pit for some. It’s also a vehicle for some to harass and bully others. It’s really sad. Since the demographic on here is mostly women you’d have thought we’d be supporting one another but in fact in many instances they just tear each other apart.

@NoSauce
Possibly one about toys. 🤫

Thanks Ginger, totally missed that one.
Horrible thread. Haven’t seen anything as bad as that before regarding a posters grammar.

Which one was that, at the weekend?

See my post above

I just don't get the ones who try to 'read between the lines' and guess what happens in the ops life that they 'aren't telling us'. Er you do realise this is the Internet right? Christ, they may not even be the 45 year old woman from Bristol they are claiming to be. They could be 15 year old timmy from texas for all you know. And you're bothered about trying to be smart and figure out shit that is likely to be false? Just to jump on the op and make them seem like a liar?

All you're doing there is 1. Making yourself look stupid and 2. Possibly upsetting someone who is telling the truth to a point that they feel like shit, think they are wrong and whatever is happening to them will keep happening. All because some twit wants to appear clever.

Take what they say as the truth. Answer the question and try to help. It's not difficult. Who cares if they are lying? Does it harm you in any way? No. If they are lying, move on. They are pathetic for lying, why drop to their level?

Cloverbeauty so you’re happy to put up with trolls then? Bloody hell.

Yep, I agree.

I think there are abusive men, pretending to be women, posting on threads started by a distressed poster in an abusive relationship. Enjoying themselves by abusing her more. It’s shocking to see.

There is also the ganging up on anyone who goes against the middle class, centre left, norms of mumsnet - whether that is not thinking all smokers should be burnt at the stake, not agreeing that all Leave voters should be shipped off to the Arctic, not beating yourself up because your child had chips once about a month ago.

I agree and for a forum where a large proportion of the members are parents, many of whom are worried about the impact of social media on their children, this platform should be an example of how to use social media properly, in a kind and supportive, all-inclusive way.
I think mumsnet users should come together and buck the trend of negative social media use and set the example.

I've felt I had to (pretty forcefully) shut down posters this week because it was all so unnecessary and it was like they were getting kicks out of being nasty. Offering no advice, just venom.

I think I know the thread you're referring to and the sniggering spag pedants were annoying. I don't remember your comment but saying you has to 'shut down posters pretty forcefully' sounds quite big-headed.

Chloe84 if you say so I know text can be interpreted different ways so all I meant was it wasn't my usual style of posting and emphasised my point that the abuse was getting out of control.

basically I lost my shit

@NoSauce

Trolls are pathetic and fairly obvious. Why get riled up by someone who is trying to do it deliberately? If you get annoyed, they win.

I don’t get riled by trolls. I get riled by people getting sucked in by them, giving them their time and support, blindly ignoring the fact that it’s a load of old bollocks.

In some ways it's got better/more inclusive. I came across a very old thread the other day that had many posters posting vile comments. It was actually quite xenophobic and was shocked that it was allowed to remain and that anyone can come across it years later. I think MN is better at dealing with this kind of stuff now and posters are better at calling it out.

@NoSauce

There will always be gullible people in the world though. You can't help them all. Look at all the gofundme pages that are blatant bullshit, yet people give them their money. Their money, their problem.

It's sad but can't control them. They are adults, can make their own mistakes and hopefully learn from it.

nosauce
It's the troll hunters that annoy me.
I can think of a few threads where I've seen similar and very real situations like that offline and so opt to reply in good faith only for there to be page after page of people troll hunting because they've decided it has to be all bollocks.

It's useful to suggest people don't feed the poo troll / school toilet troll etc but sometimes if in doubt it's kinder to reply in good faith and then report to MN.

The thing is that the poo/toilet trolls are just pathetic weirdos. What about the Oliver's Army troll? What about Dizzymare? What about the other bereavement trolls? What about the long term mumsnetters who've been to meet ups and everything and turn out to be trolls and fakesters?
The made up cheeky fucker bollocks trolls are harmless enough, if a little tedious. But the other insidious ones are evil and deserve any hunting and public shaming they get .
The Oliver's Army troll was unmasked within hours of starting to spout her crap, and yet the posters trying to warn people were treated shamefully.

I doubt posters would be so bitchy if they couldn't hide behind keyboard anonymity. Cyber bullying is the worst kind.

I agree saladfingers.
They probably feel like the big guy after posting but in reality, they wouldnt dare be so vile in person.

TheCanterburyWhales exactly. It’s all well and good saying trolls do no harm when they’re making up shit about their NDN but when they’re trolling about being suicidal or their kid dying of cancer then posters are affected by it.

That's true nosauce.

I do think the reminders from MNHQ about being aware they can't vouch for anyone on here are useful. It's not a good idea to be getting involved in meet ups or financial support when anyone can be anyone online.

One things for sure if a poster needs help and the sneering spag police just tell her oh you typed a grammatical error then the poster in trouble is going to think ok I'm outta here it's supposed to be a supportive site but the pedants are ripping me apart so I just will not bother!
yesIdidtypeouttaonpurpose

But for every person pointing out spag errors there’s someone offering support. Usually, anyway. The thread the other day was especially bad but there were people being kind and helpful.

That's true NoSauce but at the same time, no-one likes being ridiculed or humiliated, so it's not exactly going to encourage them to post again.

Plus, I always imagine there might me lurkers reading whose SPAG isn't great. That sort of thing would probably put them off ever posting too.

*be lurkers