To think MN is at risk of becoming a Mean Girls bitchfest

[Sparklfairy]

Flame me if you want, but I've been shocked lately at how OPs are being attacked when they post on here.

This isn't a TAAT, it's a general trend of spewing vitriol and being downright nasty in the name of being 'blunt' or 'telling it like it is'.

MN was always the place we could go for honest opinions and different points of view. A fantastic support when people are caught up in bad relationships and can't see the wood from the trees or a way out.

More commonly though I see a pack mentality developing where one poster will make a snide comment and then others pile in. It's no better than playground bullying. Reminds me of mean girls. If you don't write a certain way, use the 'right' MN terms, if you're new and don't know the right MN etiquette yet, and god forbid you don't use perfect grammar, then somehow you don't fit in here and therefore deserve to be called names, mocked and bullied by strangers.

People post on forums like these, especially when new here, when theyre out of options. They don't want to or can't talk to people in RL and want to reach out. I know how it feels to be horribly isolated in a shitty situation and if I'd posted here and received half the abuse I've seen on some threads it could well have pushed me over the edge.

I love reading threads where a woman has got out of a shitty relationship as a result of the support she's read here. But when she's at her lowest, a few shitty comments attacking her for no reason can stop that happening.

By all means, say what you think. But name calling doesn't help. If you have advice, offer it, but berating someone's life choices is simply kicking someone when they're down because you can. And that makes you no better than the bastards some of these women are married to/partnered with.

And before anyone says 'if you don't like MN then leave'. If I did that there would be fewer of us to call this shit out.

Wonder what MNHQ would say about pedants sending PMs to posters who may or may not have a learning difficulty.

Agree. I love a good debate but it often turns into a personal attack. Two different things.

At risk? Oh you sweet summer child. This is THE VIPERS NEST of the internet, and will be for a looooong time yet.

It's also wonderful, but my gods the Burn Book for MN is monumental.

YANBU but there are Goady threads mixed in with these. I just dont understand it really I would feel embarrassed jumping on an OP for a spelling mistake etc.

Yet they would be the first to complain if their DC/Themselves were on the receiving end 🤷‍♀️ Meh, A good "Fuck you" should do the trick.

I have had a very personal post picked apart for bad grammar. These people didn't offer insight or support, or kind words. Instead they just made me feel terrible. I wouldn't ever post something so personal on a forum like this again. I think a lot of others feel the same. It has become a hunting ground for trolls. I recently read something on here from MN HQ asking people "for the millionth time, to stop troll-hunting across the boards." And yet, I do think MN revels in the notoriety of the AIBU board - infamous for it's brutality

I wouldn't assume all the bitchy comments are from women. Some of the 'advice' is so naive and childish I don't think the poster is adult, or is very inexperienced in life, and could be any sex.

Yes this. It isn't exactly a secret that this place is trolled and brigaded by groups who would like to shut it down or at least disrupt it as a useful place which is women centred.

The assumptions made by posters do my head in too. They can literally only understand their immediate world and cannot understand others lives may be different, so start slagging the OP for lying.

It doesn't have to be done in a horrible way. They don't have to take the advice on board. It matters though because of responses like the other night. It's wrong and of course, not every poster is a member of the SPAG police but it detracts from the OP. The message is: you don't belong here. Another poster with poor grammar was told "netmums is that way" much to the amusement of other posters.

It's clear that schools are not teaching grammar, I don't remember being picked up on it at school and I got good grades in English. At university, it was corrected. My basic grammar was pretty bad. My teacher told us all bluntly that our grammar was terrible compared to the foreign students. I'm grateful for it.

I'm generalising but I think MC/educated parents are still hammering home the importance of good grammar so it doesn't matter so much if grammar isn't focussed on at school. It does mean that many WC people are just left to it though.

MN is not the place for an English lesson. Unless the poster is actually asking about it leave them alone.

AIBU is a tavern brawl. This is known. I think it's getting annoying that people post here for traffic tho, and that's where you get the late night crowd baying for blood etc. Posting in AIBU is an open invitation to be demolished.

I think there’s much more of a focus on grammar in schools these days.
My grammar is pretty bad I think and dd is able to correct me.
I didn’t see the thread that has been referred to but I do think mostly people here are really supportive and when i see nastiness it’s usually a) on AIBU and b) coming from both sides. Some posters clearly love a good argument. Ime it is easy to keep away from that if you want to.

Some posters never venture out of AIBU so that's what they think MN Talk solely consists of.

Nobody has the right to police other people's use of language, and combined with ignoring what the op actually asked, not only does it send the message 'you don't belong here', but also 'youre not good enough to belong here' further eroding what is probably already low self esteem.

I came here for the vipers. I didn't come here for snide teenage bitching.

This is true of just about any online social platform, hardly something to single out one or two boards on mumsnet for. Nice reference to women being bitchy too, how progressives.

True, there is a certain brutality.

However I recently posted quite an upsetting event in AIBU and got some very sound advice. I think there are so many amazing posters, and their posts shine through, and are very different from the bitchy ones.

Although I agree it’s hard not to get sucked into being goaded but if we can out them to the background, I think even on AIBU I’m floored by the amount of warmth and wisdom I’ve been offered here. Total life saver.

Autumnfields totally agree

MN is still the lovely, supportive place it always was. It's just that AIBU is shove din your face the moment you walk through the door. If you pootle off to gardening or craft or pet sections, it's the cosy chat that was always there. If you head to the MH, Stately Homes, weight loss or sobriety threads, the support is incredible.
You just have to navigate through the stuff that's shoved in your face and find the people who aren't here for attention or to let off steam.

It has always been like this. Some threads cause an absolute outpouring of hatred and nastiness. A lot of the old-timers are vile people. the 'names' are worst of all. But people do get support and good advice sometimes, so it's worth a try. The fuss about of/have on a thread recently was embarrassing - I was embarrassed for the snide bitches who had to keep making a point of it, not for the woman who didn't know not to make the mistake. And the complaints about 'rude words' - bunch of cunts. But there was a very funny thread earlier, so I'm sticking around.

AIBU is conversation recast as blood sport and, as such, is pretty entertaining. But no-one could genuinely claim it does anything very useful. Lots of Mumsnet boards provide a brilliant service to those who use them but AIBU is not one of them. Doubtless though, it is very good for business.

I think it is sentences like these that make me like MN.

AIBU is conversation recast as blood sport and, as such, is pretty entertaining.

Worra's post should be read by every cunt who thinks they're being clever with their grammar correcting

She doesn't want to recommend Mumsnet to women living in poverty and difficult situations despite the help she thinks they could get because they would be jumped on for their English

That should make each and every one of us ashamed. I spend a good part of each week (and the poor fuckers at HQ will vouch for it) reporting all of these people, and thankfully HQ do delete Whether they get a "Mumsnet calling" email or not, I don't know. But there is one poster above all who does it on every single thread. I open the threads with spelling mistakes in the title because I know she's going to be there with her pigtail pulling mates correcting and bitching. I report her, she gets deleted but she continues to do it

The ganging up on anyone who dares say fucking stop it is also shameful. The irony wasn't lost last week when I corrected one of the SpaG bully's (atrocious) grammar and spelling (after she'd been ripping into an OP for a while) to be turned on by the pack and accused of racism because the bully wasn't British. You couldn't make it up.

Please keep reporting these nasty pieces of work.

I agree op. It's really sad.

I think there are some 'old timers' with a bit of a superiority complex here. MN is a public forum, nobody should be ridiculed or made to feel daft for not using the correct language and 'etiquette' - massive eye roll. I think witty nastiness is regarded quite highly by some here.

I've had my fair share of good advice. Also had some unwarranted kickings. Most recently been goaded and accused of being a troll for discussing Ibs issues It's par for the course and you're always going to find a certain amount of sad keyboard warriors on any forum. But that doesn't make it ok. Personally i try to live my life on and offline by the simple mantra of - don't be a dick.

I agree with PP who said that this is mostly an issue on AIBU - I don’t really see what you describe happening outside of those threads although I’m sure it could very easily happen on the Feminism board if you said the ‘wrong thing’. I had a few people pile on me before and twisting what was an innocent comment - I ignored the thread when I noticed it was getting nasty and only checked it out again a few days later - it was quite funny to know that so many people had tried to gang up on me and that their comments were falling on completely deaf ears since I hadn’t been paying attention. It’s not nice, I agree, but that’s the internet and how some people make themselves feel superior - I can’t help but imagine that these people wouldn’t dare say boo to a goose in real life so I’m not too bothered really. I think some perspective and a thicker skin is needed when posting, although that’s of course easier said than done depending on your frame of mind and situation.

It doesn't have to be done in a horrible way. They don't have to take the advice on board. It matters though because of responses like the other night.

It doesn't have to be done at ALL

MNHQ need to start banning the dicks who pull people up, even though they can understand perfectly well what the OP is trying to say.

Then it won't matter a jot.

I've noticed this trend too. I'm still surprised after almost two years here by the rampant anti-Americanism on here and how nasty it has to get before it gets challenged in any way. And I do challenge and report it.