To think MN is at risk of becoming a Mean Girls bitchfest

[Sparklfairy]

Flame me if you want, but I've been shocked lately at how OPs are being attacked when they post on here.

This isn't a TAAT, it's a general trend of spewing vitriol and being downright nasty in the name of being 'blunt' or 'telling it like it is'.

MN was always the place we could go for honest opinions and different points of view. A fantastic support when people are caught up in bad relationships and can't see the wood from the trees or a way out.

More commonly though I see a pack mentality developing where one poster will make a snide comment and then others pile in. It's no better than playground bullying. Reminds me of mean girls. If you don't write a certain way, use the 'right' MN terms, if you're new and don't know the right MN etiquette yet, and god forbid you don't use perfect grammar, then somehow you don't fit in here and therefore deserve to be called names, mocked and bullied by strangers.

People post on forums like these, especially when new here, when theyre out of options. They don't want to or can't talk to people in RL and want to reach out. I know how it feels to be horribly isolated in a shitty situation and if I'd posted here and received half the abuse I've seen on some threads it could well have pushed me over the edge.

I love reading threads where a woman has got out of a shitty relationship as a result of the support she's read here. But when she's at her lowest, a few shitty comments attacking her for no reason can stop that happening.

By all means, say what you think. But name calling doesn't help. If you have advice, offer it, but berating someone's life choices is simply kicking someone when they're down because you can. And that makes you no better than the bastards some of these women are married to/partnered with.

And before anyone says 'if you don't like MN then leave'. If I did that there would be fewer of us to call this shit out.

I live in an area with an alarmingly high rate of poverty, child poverty, domestic violence, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, homelessness, child obesity and also a pretty high rate of immigration.

From reading my local Facebook group, it's also clear that illiteracy levels are pretty high and there are also people struggling to express themselves because English is not their first language.

I'm constantly biting my tongue so that I don't recommend MN, because I know Mumsnet could help so many of these people, but on top of all their problems, they don't need some patronising, smug little wankers correcting their grammar and spelling, because they 'simply have to point out it's could have and not could of etc. Or worse still, those who are so deluded they actually think they're helping to teach them, rather than ridiculing them.

If you want to be an English teacher, go and friggin train to be one but leave people alone when they're come here for help and advice.

HQ need to crack down on this behaviour instead of constantly politely reminding people not to be assholes.

I found that you can’t ask a question without being jumped on
The brexit section is the worst. Got told to ‘educate myself’
Which I was doing - by asking ! No need to be so rude

Not everybody watched the news years ago
We weren’t allowed to ( religious parents) therefore ‘the troubles’ in NI largely passed myself and my siblings by
I was reported for asking a question- shocking behaviour

I totally agree im starting to think Mn is a group of bitchy women I joined as i am i first time mum and felt this would be a good place to get advice from other mums but sometimes i feel like i cant post what i want because i will just get "blunt" or "sayithowitis" comments just no need

@NoSauce

You're missing the point, yes the wider internet is full of self righteous grammer nazis. The BBC news page is not a support site though. Nobody goes there for advice when vulnerable. Mumsnet tells itself it is a community, prides itself on being a supportive place for women. But only if they can write nicely.

I was just thinking this very same thing. Having a bit of a flick through some recent stuff. Posts get absolutely picked over. I honestly don't think people would have the balls to speak like that to one another in real life! It's like there is no consequence so they just release the inner bitch.

I completely agree and its one of the reasons i no longer post which is sad because MN was a haven for me during such a terrible period in my life a few years ago.

Totally agree OP. There’s no way I’d post on here if I was feeling a bit low or vulnerable. It’s not the supportive place it used to be. I actually blocked the site when I was having some mental health problems as it can be such a negative toxic environment.

Plus I’m also saddened that it seems to have lost all of its fun and lightness. Any light hearted thread or comment is pissed on by the fun police.

I genuinely think I come on here more out of habit than anything nowadays. I really should just deactivate my accountz

I'd never start a thread on here now. I used to all the time.

JasonPollack I haven’t seen anyone ripped apart for bad spag on a sensitive thread where the OP is looking for support.

From what I’ve seen there’s usually an abundance of kind responses and good advice.

On the hand though I have seen posters picking on an OP for terrible spag and nobody saying a word because that particular OP was being a bit of a twat.

Double standard eh.

I’ve been here for years, name-change often though.
Posters have always been picky about grammar and spelling and paragraphs as far as I’m aware. But as the site traffic has increased, it seems that everyone chooses AIBU as the default, rather than selecting. Then not only do posters get berated for their written English, but for the banality of their subject matter.
It used to be that the SN forums, relationships, chat and the rest were calm and supportive, and AIBU was the exception.

NoSauce evidently you have missed a very specific thread people have referred to on here because the OP was far from a twat.

I don't want to get into specifics though. I've been here years and I posted my thoughts that unnecessary spite was becoming more prevalent and perhaps we could all be aware to think before we post. That can only be a positive thing.

And yy to the fun police!

NoSauce evidently you have missed a very specific thread people have referred to on here because the OP was far from a twat

Which thread OP? Hopefully posters reported?

These days I only start a thread if I need advice on something factual I can't find anywhere else. I wouldn't ever ask for advice on how to approach another human.

Once as a newbie, I asked for advice on a completely minor cat/neighbour related issue, as I'd just moved in and didn't know the neighbour. Bloody hell the pitchforks were straight out, I was assured my neighbour basically already despised me for daring to knock, no, daring to even think about knocking to speak to her.

Like I say a completely minor issue, but I thought if people were actually like the majority of those posters in real life, I was in for a nightmare.

In the end, it was a 2 minute conversation , neighbour thanked me for being considerate and we now have a good relationship.

This again.

I do agree that the spelling/grammar pedants are tedious. As long as I can understand what's written then what's the problem? I also agree with getting out of AIBU every now and again.

But there are a lot of GFs and trolls and PBPs about and sometimes you have to pick your way through it all.

Which thread OP? Hopefully posters reported?

Yes and it made very little difference tbh.

This is why MNHQ needs to take a tougher stance imo.

NoSauce I'm reluctant to say as I don't want this to be a TAAT but I believe it's still up. MN commented about how the grammar police were being rude so it was reported but by then the damage had been done. Which is my point. Reporting posts doesn't stop the damage they do to the poster in the first place. 'Offenders' just move on to their next victim and the cycle continues.

Even when MN removes posts it takes time, and the pack mentality sets in and the support the OP is seeking gets lost in the cyclone of crap (lovely image!)

I hid AIBU for a few months and it made my Active full of decent threads.

If someone is being ripped apart for their bad grammar on a sensitive thread then I would hope that the majority of posters would jump to the OPs defence?

PM the thread please OP.

every week there is one of these threads.

YANBU, OP. I hate the attacks that go on here. It’s atrocious. I once posted on the Work section of MN about mean girls at my work asking for advice on how to deal with their bullying. A number of posters then proceeded to bully me for using the term “mean girls”, saying I was sexist! I had posted when I was feeling really, really low and just got flamed. Several people stood up for me and they got flamed as well. It was awful.

Every single breastfeeding thread descends into an absolute bun-fight. So yeah, bits of it do remind me of Mean Girls, in particular Tina Fey’s line:

“You all have got to stop calling eachother bitches and whores! It’s just bad for business”.

In AIBU, there’s a lot of women attacking other women, sometimes getting really nasty and personal. It’s completely unnecessary. Keyboard warriors is what many of them are - sad, really.

No-one should be ripped apart for their spelling/grammar on any thread, not just sensitive ones.

If people can't handle reading incorrect things without feeling 'forced' to pull others up on it, internet chat forums are not for them.

Yanbu. It shocks me how spiteful and nasty people are, in the name of being blunt/plain speaking.
There is nothing good about being deliberately nasty, even if yo dress it up as being blunt.

I actually dont think the grammar thing is usually too bad, I see mistakes all the time that I expect someone to comment on but no one normally does. Unless it's a thread with bad grammar accusing other people of being stupid and then it's fair game.

There are ridiculous replies sometimes (the 'YABU for being upset your husband forgot your birthday, you should be grateful you've even lived to 50' and 'why did you even have children with him') but most of the time, on most threads, most people are reasonable. There are some threads though when it seems to swing the other way with everyone jumping on and I dont understand why

WorraLiberty I disagree. I normally stay out of it and wait for the moderators to step in. It's not my job to police people's language. On this occasion though it was necessary for someone to speak up over and above the 'now now guys let's all play nice'. Funnily enough it stopped after that.