Am I a CF? To think that she wants to say no but doesn't know how?

[nomeansno1]

I’m starting work soon, and asked a mum friend of mine if she could look after DS3, Monday-Thursday 9-1pm, and take him nursery at 1pm just until Christmas. He’s at nursery from 1-4pm.

In return I will pick her kids up from school everyday, and take them to their activities and drop them home. They go to the same school and do the same activities/clubs as my older two children.
I asked her because she has a DD a year younger than my DS, lives opposite me, and she knows the nursery as her DC use to go there. She’s always said if I needed help, I should just ask. I just want her to help me out in the mornings.

I sent her the message yesterday, she has read it but hasn’t replied. Now I’m thinking maybe I’m coming off as a CF, and she wants to say no, but doesn’t know how. I’d rather her just say no, then completely blank me. It’s awkward, don’t know what to do now

Why didn't you offer to look after her toddler on the fifth day? Or for the other three days a week you won't be at work?

Is it because you would need to do jobs and spend some time with your own child so wouldn't want someone else's child there fir the day?

Justmakeitbetter so as she's at home anyway she's got nothing better to do than look after someone else's child for the next eight weeks? That's very presumptuous

Reverse, it has to be.

Well yeah if she has a toddler herself I’m assuming she’s in the house? Otherwise OP wouldn’t have asked?

Going against the grain here... I think if she’s at home anyway, it’s one more toddler to deal with. (...) You probably can’t afford to pay for that much childcare and she’s in the house all day anyway.

that must be one of the rudest thing I've read on here.

Work should operate around childcare IMO.

so true

let's see how that works for teachers, GPs, train drivers and the people whose work YOU actually directly need, shall we.

That poster is a different level of CF entirely!

I think you have been very cheeky to ask that and have put her in the awkward situation of having to say no.

Work has to fit around children. How would that work? Of course people have to pay for childcare. It's an expense like anything else.

Going against the grain here... I think if she’s at home anyway, it’s one more toddler to deal with. (...) You probably can’t afford to pay for that much childcare and she’s in the house all day anyway

This is offensive on so many levels. You very clearly don't have much experience looking after toddlers.

Way too much to ask, and yes, you’re a CF. I was a childminder for years - many people had the attitude that “you’re just at home anyway”. But it is a huge time commitment and requires you to be on board everyday. If she wanted to be a childminder, she’d probably be a childminder. Her silence likely means no.

Tbh I think I’d agree to this, to help a friend out, because it ends 20/12. i would not agree to an open-ended arrangement.

There's always going to be people available to do the work that’s needed. But parents should not have to choose between work and raising their kids. That should be funded by government to help them stay at home if they want to. People who don’t have kids or don’t have young kids or even those who want to leave their kids and work don’t have the problem and can do those jobs.

It’s a big favour to ask by text! That alone is quite CF.

Thanks confcall good to see not everyone here is allergic to helping their neighbour!

Ok sorry I offended with the “at home anyway” comments. I just think it’s sad that people aren’t willing to help each other out.

YABVVU but I guess you know that or you wouldn’t have asked!

Tbh I think I’d agree to this, to help a friend out, because it ends 20/12.

you are very kind.
I would help a friend out if her or her child needed an hospital stay or any genuine emergency. Even a last minute cancellation from an au-pair or nanny, at a push, could be a valid reason. This is beyond helping.

To make it worst, it is of no benefit to the chid whatsoever, toddlers don't play together yet.

If someone needs childcare, they need to arrange it, not lump it on someone else.

But parents should not have to choose between work and raising their kids. That should be funded by government to help them stay at home if they want to.

and the money would magically come from... ?!?

This can't be real... I've been on here a long time so I know there's all sorts of CFs around but seriously OP, what a massive piss taker you are. Thankfully you're questioning yourself so there's hope for you to stop being a CF.

I've said to my friend/neighbour to let me know if she ever needs help with her daughter. That's translated to her asking three times in year for me to watch her for an hour or two at short notice. If she'd asked me what you asked in response to my offer I'd have been horrified!

Well they always seem to find money for silly things so I’m sure if they was a will it could be done.

What the fuck have I just read. Please say this is a reverse. Absolute CFery of the highest order. It’s almost like you have no social skills OP. Good luck saving face with your neighbour

There is nothing wrong with a reciprocal agreement providing it is of equal value to all involved. In this case, it doesn't sound like your friend is getting enough back in return.

You have proposed your friend has your pre schooler for 16 hours a week, saving you at least £100 a week in childcare costs

In return, you have offered to pick up her school aged children and take them to activities and back home - probably 1.5 hours a day at most.

Unless she really hates the school run, she isn't getting a good deal.

I paid my dd2 nursery £710 a month for similar hours, so I would expect similar in return!

It's a massive ask, I think your a CF.