AIBU to get my friend to buy me a horse?

[horsesarebest]

I've NC as it's a very outing problem.

I love horses and want a horse, but can't afford it because I'm a SAHM. My friend, who currently has lots of disposable income, can afford to buy it for me because she's just sold her house. AIBU to ask her to loan me the money so that I can get a horse? It's not an insignificant amount (4 figures), but buying a horse is an opportunity that may not come along for me again because I'll be able to keep it in a field that is close to my home that I can rent really cheaply.

I have no idea when I'd be able to pay my friend back, but I would be able to afford to look after the horse providing that I didn't get any unexpected expenses and the feed costs weren't too high.

I never had a horse before and don't ride very well, but instead of having lessons, it would mean that I can put my money in to a) having a horse and b) I can learn on the horse and have more "horsey time" and so learn quicker.

DH is against the idea, because we're going in to winter and he thinks that I spend too much of his money having riding lessons as it is. He has told me to get a job and use the money from that, because he's not funding it. To be fair to DH, I'm a SAHM and he already gives me a reasonable allowance of £200/month, but it won't cover the costs of buying and keeping the horse.

Me getting a job is not reasonable because DH is a workaholic who regularly works 60+ hours a week and I have to pick up the slack at home with child care and school runs. I have no idea how much he actually earns, but it is enough to pay for and keep a horse without asking my friend for a loan. DH just won't entertain it.

Friend can afford to lend me the money because like I said, she's just sold her house.

• [Note from MNHQ: Before commenting on this thread, please note that the OP discloses 6 posts down the line that this thread is a REVERSE...]

@horsesarebest methinks you ought to oust that friend from your life for good. Bloody hell.

Trust me, it's real. What I really want to do, is have my own horse in livery so that I can learn properly and also have a bond with my "own" horse

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Horses don’t work like that. You can’t “learn on the job”. And it’s not just riding, you need stable management. It takes years. You either need to keep the horse on a yard with experienced people who you van learn from, or you need to learn first then get the horse.

For such big animals they are very fragile. It takes a lot of time and money to stop them hurting themselves.

£200/month is nowhere near enough.

@FizzyGreenWater actually as the NRP he could easily prioritise golf trips first. Also CMS isn't nearly as much as some people think.

Well my post still stands... but her the mask and say “here’s your horse”.

You are mad. I'm a qualified instructor and have my own horses. Apart from your finances your horse will suffer. By your own admission you are a novice. You do not have the experience or knowledge to care for it. It will not teach you to ride - lessons will. They cost money. Think about - farrier bills, vets bills, insurances, feed, rugs, equipment....the list is endless. They are so expensive. Go and volunteer and learn first.

If you don't have time to get a job then you don't have time to look after a horse.

If it really is important to you to have a horse then you and your husband need to realign your life so he works much less and has some childcare responsibility and you work and have the money and time to care for a horse.

I had a horse as a teenager and felt so sorry for the kids of selfish mum's that had their kids sitting in the car or hanging round the farm while they went riding- sometimes little kids strapped into a car seat with some random asked to watch them - disgusting.

When you have a new work/life balance advertise for a part loan so you can contribute some funds and time each week but not total or wait until your kids are independent.

I agree the problem totally reads like a reverse ("I can't afford a horse should I borrow the money from a friend even though I can't afford to pay her back" - obviously not! "Just in addition I'm a stay at home mum who has no time to work - but horses don't require time or commitment do they?...")

Bloody Hell OP why are you wasting your time posting on here? You should be contacting your friend pronto incase she has earmarked her excess money for something sensible and hasn't factored into her budget the cost of buying you a horse. Can you urgently contact her, today if possible, and update your thread with her response. I'm guessing the poor woman will be in shock and will berate herself for being such a shitty friend when clearly she should have realised that you need a horse above and beyond her plans for her own well earned money. Do not not waste any more time OP - contact her, run your idea past her and update date us asap.

Here you go OP

images.app.goo.gl/poKnNs8UMVyRk92B6

Because I'm showing her the thread to explain how fucking stupid she is when I say no!

But had you written the thread from your POV rather then reverse, the response would still have been no.

What is this 200quid “allowance” your friend is given, OP? Is is just for your friend to do what she likes with? Hobbies, clothes, hair, makeup etc? Or does her DH expect her to also use it on the children’s Expenses or buy stuff for the house? If the former then I think it sounds very generous! Not many SAHP’s get 200 quid thrown at them for free every month to spend how they like. Not many working parents have 200 quid of disposable income to spend on clothes and hobbies as it’s usually gone on household and childcare expenses.

Assuming this is genuine a horse isn't a real life, rather large, dolly. You can't casually pick it up and put it down again when you don't fancy playing with it. It's an ongoing 24/7 commitment 365 days a year..... for years. Do you even know how long horses can live for?

It's absolutely NOT the answer to, or distraction from, an unhappy and /or financially abusive relationship (again, assuming this is a genuine post). Your financial situation would become even more precarious with a horse in the mix and it's highly likely the poor unfortunate creature would suffer as a result. From the way you've worded this, it almost sounds as though you're hoping that once you have a horse as a fait accompli your husband will be forced to pay for its care? As in, you mention he could easily afford to do so. If he's real, and if the financial abuse is real, then again it's hardly likely he'll step up to the mark is it and again, the horse would suffer.

All this, quite aside from the fact you seem to feel entitled to your friend's money. How the hell could you ever repay her when you don't have enough for a horse's ongoing care?

You need to sort your marriage out first and foremost. Forget owning a horse. You clearly have no idea how to care for one even if money were no object and the idea of learning to ride 'with it' is a potential disaster waiting to happen that could endanger not only you, but the horse and any other innocent bystanders in the way.

You simply cannot 'play' with an animal to alleviate your boredom, dissatisfaction, whatever. You can't expose your kids to this either (which would be inevitable if your husband's never there) and endanger them around an animal you have no real knowledge of, which could literally kill them.

In short, you need to grow up!!

Oh and OP please don't use this thread as an explanation. Just say no. That's all.

Does she have an account. Please tell her to post here.

Just read an update from you - Why do you think she'll say no????

With insurance, food, vet costs, treats and grooming our DOG costs us more than £200 per month and the little freeloader lives rent-free in our house.

I'm thinking a bloody HORSE might cost you a bit more than a terrier...

Part of me wonders whether the "200pcm" is correct or is she saying this so she limits how much she pays OP back?

Oh girl goodness sake 🤦‍♀️
You know that it costs a huge amount to keep a horse? Shoes, feed, worming, teeth, tack, vet bills, insurance, stabling.... what planet do you live on?

YABU

Read the updates

It's a REVERSE

Is your CF friend always this entitled OP?

Just read the update. It is a reverse. Instead of getting into judging your friend much easier to say "sorry can't help I need the money for my new house/ my kids uni/ my private stylist" - whatever.

Don't even get into it - not your business.

Some people as soon as they know someone has money want it. It wouldn't matter if it was a horse, a camper van, a house refurb. In fact if you say no to the horse she might think of something else she wants! Just make it clear that no money is going spare and don't tell anyone else you have money without a current purpose. You would never see it again for sure.

Because I'm showing her the thread to explain how fucking stupid she is when I say no

I hate reverses. They’re so tedious and dishonest and I think the posters should be suspended after other people have responded in good faith to the information given.

YABVU.

No.you cannot ask your friend, you would be a CF. You cannot afford to pay back a loan so you effectively want her to gift you the horse.

How old are your kids? If in school can you not find any work? Use wrap around childcare? Seems like your husband is keen for you to get a job so he'd have to contribute to CC and house things.

His golfing is a separate issue, yes you should have equal leisure time- do you as you say you help at a local stables for your horse hobby? And you need to be more aware of disposable and living income.

Wow xpost, she's a CF indeed!

Why on earth wasn't your answer a big fat no the very second she asked you? Why on earth did you need to consult with MN and then show her the thread to persuade her that you're being reasonable?

Not sure you have thought it out. My sister owns a horse and the vet bills an a yearly basis us well over 1k. If you have no saveings and can't afford to buy outright I wouldn't bother. A healthy horse costs over 1k +1k vet bills food field or stables plus horse saddles coats if the horse is out side. It all adds up you would need a second mortgage to afford a horse. The vet has to do the hooves every 6 weeks and they need to be checked for ticks and other parasites on a regular basis it's hard work owning a horse. If you have riding lessons I would just stick at that for a while and save and save as much as you can for a few year's. Also study about owning a horse as some people buy a horse and can't afford the vet bills and horses die unnecessary it's genuinely not fair to the horse if you cannot afford it.