AIBU to get my friend to buy me a horse?

[horsesarebest]

I've NC as it's a very outing problem.

I love horses and want a horse, but can't afford it because I'm a SAHM. My friend, who currently has lots of disposable income, can afford to buy it for me because she's just sold her house. AIBU to ask her to loan me the money so that I can get a horse? It's not an insignificant amount (4 figures), but buying a horse is an opportunity that may not come along for me again because I'll be able to keep it in a field that is close to my home that I can rent really cheaply.

I have no idea when I'd be able to pay my friend back, but I would be able to afford to look after the horse providing that I didn't get any unexpected expenses and the feed costs weren't too high.

I never had a horse before and don't ride very well, but instead of having lessons, it would mean that I can put my money in to a) having a horse and b) I can learn on the horse and have more "horsey time" and so learn quicker.

DH is against the idea, because we're going in to winter and he thinks that I spend too much of his money having riding lessons as it is. He has told me to get a job and use the money from that, because he's not funding it. To be fair to DH, I'm a SAHM and he already gives me a reasonable allowance of £200/month, but it won't cover the costs of buying and keeping the horse.

Me getting a job is not reasonable because DH is a workaholic who regularly works 60+ hours a week and I have to pick up the slack at home with child care and school runs. I have no idea how much he actually earns, but it is enough to pay for and keep a horse without asking my friend for a loan. DH just won't entertain it.

Friend can afford to lend me the money because like I said, she's just sold her house.

• [Note from MNHQ: Before commenting on this thread, please note that the OP discloses 6 posts down the line that this thread is a REVERSE...]

He holds all the money. She does all the work. Not ok.

This is possibly the funniest comment on here.

And there was me thinking our horse keeping is cheap! Cannot do it on £200/month , even if you kept it at home. Feed, hay, bedding, insurance, vet even just for annual jabs, worming, saddler, dentist, farrier every 6-8 weeks will all add up to more than £200/month aside from any equipment you might need to buy eg saddle, rugs etc.

I'd suggest a) find a job in school hours OR one that's flexible around school hours and b) find a share of a horse locally, ideally at a yard with excellent facilities and where they run regular clinics with instructors so you can embrace spending the remainder of the money you're earning from the job on lessons.

That way you won't be spending masses of time tied up looking after a horse on your own, you'll only have set days by arrangement and if anything expensive should go wrong with the horse you can just walk away without having to foot the bill for it.

It's not a hobby it's a lifestyle !!
I was a sahm until recently and I did my best to limit the money I spent .. my dh is very kind and generous and did help pay for my horses Pre children but I worked too .
He isn't going to want to spend hundreds every month on livery , plus if you don't know what you are doing you are asking for trouble !!

If you can't afford to save up to purchase a horse yourself, you can't afford to keep one. Simple as that.

Only truly mad people own horses. I'm one of them. My horses come before everything else, they have to. I get depressed when I see clueless beginners buy cheap horses without costing it out. It never ends well, unless the inevitable new owner has the time money and patience to undo all the crap done by the clueless amateur.

Can you divorce your DH and marry a footballer, OP?

Op - could you perhaps get your friend to buy you the below. You could dh to wear it around the house - giving you your “horsey time” and at a reasonable cost.

Bloody hell OP, what a CF you are. You aren't kidding me? Ive got plenty of money atm and my friend likes cars but can't afford one, I'm not going to bloody "lend" (with sod all way to repay) the money for one.

Cut your cloth. You can't afford a horse, it's a huge luxury and you can't even ride well! You're like an 8 yr old who decided last week they love ponies!

I think that's an excellent idea! Go and ask her now and let us know what she says

....oh MY.

GETS COMFY

If you do go ahead and perchance your friend said yes, I guarantee with your childish manner that is coming through the post (I want! It's not fair! Mine! I can do it it's easy! (without any knowledge of what it really takes)) then that poor horse will either be neglected as hell or you'll throw in the towel before February because it's too hard and you've changed your mind and you don't want it anymore

I already feel so sorry for any potential horse if this is real

You are clearly bonkers and assuming a lot
Your friend has some disposable income...you are assuming an awful lot to think you can ask her for some of it.
You are assuming she will give it to you.
You are assuming she will be in no rush to be paid back, if ever by the sound of your post.
What planet do you live on??

Is a horse just a way of distracting you from your abusive relationship? I don’t say that flippantly. Your DH is financially abusive and a horse however you get it, is not going to fix that.

Most entitled thing I've ever read. It's not like you're in some desperate situation you just want a bloody horse!

There's lots of stuff I want that some of my friends could afford but I wouldn't bloody ask them to give me their money, because it's their money.

If you do ask your friend, you're putting them in a very uncomfortable situation. No doubt they already know how entitled you are.

Actually, do ask your friend. Maybe they're mumsnetter and we can look forward to their thread.

Thank you all.

I'm sorry, but this was actually a reverse thread and I am the "friend". I was so utterly gobsmacked at the request, I didn't know what to say or where to begin with CF friend and then I doubted myself for being unreasonable!

It's given me the strength to say "trot on" without feeling in the least bit guilty. So thank you all.

Where is the MNer with the hysterectomy?

@FrankenCat was that you?

Here I brought some more popcorn and a . Hope i haven't missed much!

This is probably why your husband gives you an allowance and doesn't tell you how much he earns.... You have no clue! And I'm not a horsey person but I know they are expensive and time consuming to look after.

Can I ask why?

I never really understand reverses. What's the point?

Well I'd be approaching this a different way.

Your H works hard to afford his hobbies - well, you do the same. Get a job, tell him to stick his 'allowance' (marital money should be joint, you're not his fucking employee and you need to tell him that if you divorced he would pretty soon realise that) and then you can work and afford your horse and your H can find out how difficult it is to plan golf trips when you have to look after the kids. Win win!

Good effort.

Oh good, another tedious reverse.

I won't pooh pooh on your idea like others (rightly) have. I think it might help you to realise the pros and cons of horse ownership vs lessons

Horse ownership
Pros

• Horses are beautiful
• You get to ride when you want for as long as you want
• You get to pamper and brush your horse
• You get to be outdoors - a lot

Cons

• Horses are 500kg butterflies. They break easily. They are costly to fix, if fixing is possible. Whilst waiting for them to fix, you have nothing to ride. You may need to stable them whilst fixing and have to clean the stable twice daily for up to 3 months as well as provide all feed and entertainment so horse doesn't become unmanageable from being locked up.
• horses need to be fed. Food becomes expensive in drought or floods as it's hard to get. Currently for me, food costs have doubled due to drought. $500 for 2-3 months of hay, then there's hard feed and chaff. Because of drought the amount fed has also doubled, so all up 4x more expensive than usual. Horses required 1.5-2% of their body weight as roughage per day. That's grass, hay, chaff. For a 500kg horse thats 7.5-10kg of food a day. Normally mostly from grass in paddocks but with drought, flood, snow you need to provide it in the form of hay.
• you need to see them at daily if they aren't on full care
• they may need shoes - $100 every 4-5 weeks. If no shoes still need to be trimmed at same frequency.
• if you try to cut costs and do self care, you need to clean stable and paddock frequently
• they need minimum annual dental plus regular worming
• that's all before you buy your riding equipment - saddle (needs to be correctly fitted so you don't hurt your horse); bridle, bit, saddle blanket, helmet, riding boots. That's the minimum equipment to ride your horse.
• horses handled incorrectly become confused and as a result can exhibit dangerous behaviours - rearing, kicking, bucking, biting. Inexperienced people need lessons so that they get the best relationship possible with their horse.
• experienced riders still get lessons / attend clinics in their chosen disciplines
• you can buy a totally unsuitable horse and be unable to sell it on or have to sell it at a loss
• an unsuitable horse, or horse behaving dangerously because of your inexperience, can seriously hurt you

You've got kids. You can't spend a lot of time working, how will you do your minimum horse care chores - feeding and paddock cleaning. How would you plan to find time to ride on top if that? What happens when you get to the paddock and your horse is injured and you can't leave as you are waiting for the vet? What do you do with your kids?

Lessons
Pros

• if horse is injured, you get another one
• it's an hour commitment from you
• if horse needs a vet, you don't have to hang around or do the subsequent treatment until horse is better
• you don't pay food, farrier, vet etc bills
• if you pick a good place, you will learn so much about proper horse care and correct handling

Cons

• lessons cost money. Unless you're doing a lot of lessons, it's cheaper than owning a horse
• you may ride less than you want

If you’ve any money left after generously buying cf a horse, can I have a penguin?

@horsesarebest What a relief! Your friend is being ridiculous. Clearly hasn't even half assed to look up maintenance costs of a horse. Having a cheap field isnt enough.

*Can I ask why?

I never really understand reverses. What's the point?*

Because I'm showing her the thread to explain how fucking stupid she is when I say no!