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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum excluding me from group meet-ups

146 replies

Neapolitanicecream · 27/10/2019 09:04

I was part of a group of 6 mums that met-up regularly. Everyone seems really friendly, I didn’t get on with one of the mums partners, never said anything, turns out they are no longer together. But she appears to have manipulated the others to exclude me from the group, I did ask I ofthe ladies why and said I made her feel uncomfortable! But everyone is nice to me if i bump into shopping. But I’m definitely excluded from the group, I feel sad about as I thought I got on with a couple really well. I asked popular mum to give me a call to meet-up and she said “why would I do that “ I was unsure what that means. I asked another if the would ask the administrator to include me in the WhatsApp group and she said No . I feel sad we are all in late 40’s.

OP posts:
Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 27/10/2019 09:08

Move on and find some other friends, I for sure wouldn't want to meet with people who clearly don't want me to be part of their group. X

MuchBetterNow · 27/10/2019 09:17

Leave it be. You'll start to sound desperate and that's the death knell for trying to be part of an established group. It's unpleasant but try and move on from it, you're never going to be included I'm afraid.

MzHz · 27/10/2019 09:27

Wow! They are telling you straight and to your face that they have absolutely no interest in having you in their group.

Please do yourself the favour of valuing yourself a shit load more than you are currently, stop begging/asking them to be friends with you, block the whole fucking lot of them and find something else to do that helps you connect with others

hazell42 · 27/10/2019 09:35

Does horrible mum suspect that you are involved in the break up of her marriage?
Or that you have been gossiping about it?
Could she have passed those suspicions on?
Because the 'why would I do that 'comment suggests that the horrible mum feels some blame attaches to you, not that she just doesn't like you
I cant see grown women involving themselves otherwise

Lemonlimeandice · 27/10/2019 09:36

The pta of which I was a member, had a secret whatsapp I wasn’t included on. I no longer help 😂😂

Ponoka7 · 27/10/2019 09:39

In what way didn't you get on with her partner?

But, i agree that you need to cut your loses and forget about them. They've told you straight rather than ghost you.

Your blaming her, but they seem to all agree to cut you out.

PegasusReturns · 27/10/2019 09:43

This seems to be about more than one woman. What happened with the husband or in what way did you "not get on"?

Original poster
Neapolitanicecream · 27/10/2019 09:44

Thanks for you response the popular mum who said why to my suggestion of a coffee is different from the mum who has split-up from horrible partner. Yes I do think at some level the split/up blames me but I never said anything but just knew her partner was bad news. They seem friendly but I beginning to think that they only ask after my situation for more gossip fodder not real friendships I can’t help but feel sad

OP posts:
WellErrr · 27/10/2019 09:47

What happened with the partner?

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 27/10/2019 09:48

I'd leave it OP. If you bump into then shopping I wouldn't even give them the time of day. They can be friends with who they like but being so blunt and nasty, no need for it IMO. Hope you find nicer people.

Iloveacurry · 27/10/2019 09:50

You need to move on. They don’t sound very nice.

Spudina · 27/10/2019 09:52

It’s hard when friendships don’t work out. But you do really need to move on from these women. They really aren’t your friends.

happinessischocolate · 27/10/2019 10:01

In a class of 30 kids there will be 30 parents, go and become friends with some of the other 24 and ignore this 6, you're not part of their group and for whatever reason they don't want you to be.

My youngest is leaving school this year, I have been part of several different Mum groups over the years, and have seen loads of groups fall out, just move on and make other friends.

Original poster
Neapolitanicecream · 27/10/2019 10:04

Thanks I needed to hear it Yes I know you’re right I can’t believe I invested so much in this group it feels hard to move on and make new friends

OP posts:
Susie2008 · 27/10/2019 10:11

Sorry you’re going through this. Move on and make more friends! I’ve recently fallen out with a “friend” I also used to know as part of a group. Other people were also present there when she started laying into me. I wrote a post about it under a different name as didn’t want to be identified. If you were to ask this friend she would also say she was excluded Because of me! I have not in any way put the other mums against her regardless of what she believes. These mums are mature and intelligent enough to see truth for themselves. You can’t manipulate grown women! They saw what she was like themselves, I didn’t need to put anyone against her. They were actually looking for an excuse as she has over the years done and said some nasty things to each and everyone but very minor that you couldn’t fight over without sounding crazy. Maybe they were looking to not be friends anymore and it’s just the timing.

To help you try and think have u said or done anything in front of others? If u haven’t then just move on and get more friends if u feel you may have contributed To this fallout speak honestly and see how to move on with them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/10/2019 10:11

Omg it sounds as if this woman is a bitch. One day they will get it too. In the meantime you will have met some nice friends. You will, honestly. Right now your focus is on them and away from other people. Once you reverse this, you will make other friends. And hopefully ones, who want to be your friend, not just a scapegoat in a group. Pick more wisely next time.

saltysally · 27/10/2019 10:16

Some women just don't grow up and love to have one person as the outsider. I would find a new group of friends. At some point the bitches of the group will turn on the others who will probably then coming running to the you.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 27/10/2019 10:17

These people were never your friend neap.

They either treated you badly or actively allowed you to be treated badly. Not a single one of them showed you any niceness or basic human kindness.

You should feel sad because it hurts to realise you wasted time on twats but now you know, you can walk away knowing they didn't fucking deserve you and you wouldn't have made friends with them had you known in advance what arse holes they were.

Oakmaiden · 27/10/2019 10:19

You can’t manipulate grown women!

Course you can. Happens all the time.

ymf117 · 27/10/2019 10:23

It's totally shit that they've excluded you like that, not a very good example to show their kids either.

Did you comment on the husband? If you did then you've put the wife straight on the defence and others have potentially seen this too. Even though you probably meant well it doesn't seem like it came across very well. Invite others for play dates and make friends with others.

Susie2008 · 27/10/2019 10:32

Oakmaiden - you think very little of the intelligence of people! If she has indeed manipulated these women they will at some point and done years down the line see for themselves.

I dont know if it’s just me then from your post because I don’t judge people on what others say. I will listen but make my own mind up on how they treat me

Susie2008 · 27/10/2019 10:33

Excuse my typos. Hope u got the just that if they have really been manipulated they will somewhere down the line see for themselves

Dollymixture22 · 27/10/2019 10:36

They sound horrible. Unfortunately mean girls grow up into mean women.

It sounds like there has been some malicious gossip about you. You will probably never get to the bottom of it.

Move on.

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/10/2019 10:38

What was the situation with the break up, how can they think you are involved? X

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/10/2019 10:38

Aarrgghhh ignore the rogue 'x' Blush