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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum excluding me from group meet-ups

146 replies

Neapolitanicecream · 27/10/2019 09:04

I was part of a group of 6 mums that met-up regularly. Everyone seems really friendly, I didn’t get on with one of the mums partners, never said anything, turns out they are no longer together. But she appears to have manipulated the others to exclude me from the group, I did ask I ofthe ladies why and said I made her feel uncomfortable! But everyone is nice to me if i bump into shopping. But I’m definitely excluded from the group, I feel sad about as I thought I got on with a couple really well. I asked popular mum to give me a call to meet-up and she said “why would I do that “ I was unsure what that means. I asked another if the would ask the administrator to include me in the WhatsApp group and she said No . I feel sad we are all in late 40’s.

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 27/10/2019 10:41

I dont think these people were ever really your friends! When you say you didnt get on with her partner ,had you had words with him ,or did you feel he was overly friendly to you ? Many women will blame anyone except their partner if they break up ,and it seems you have become a scapegoat here. I would just chat generally to random mums at the school gates ,and make friends away from this group if you can

bakesalesally · 27/10/2019 10:43

They are definitely not your friends.

Get some new ones xxx

INeedAFlerken · 27/10/2019 10:44

They sound like nasty teenagers. Walk away.

Livelovebehappy · 27/10/2019 10:46

I would agree 100% you can manipulate grown women. In fact my experience is that grown women often revert to playground behaviour. I have one very close friend who I trust implicitly and others I just class as acquaintances really. Focus on quality not quantity - these women sound toxic and are behaving with a pack mentality. On the other hand maybe there are more details to the backstory which you haven’t made us aware of?

MrsTishellsNeckBrace · 27/10/2019 10:50

She didn’t like your ability to see what she couldn’t. She elevates herself by pushing down others. Avoid like the plague. Live a happy life.

TimeForNewStart · 27/10/2019 10:52

It's totally shit that they've excluded you like that

They are allowed not to be friends with the OP if they don’t like her. People often have very little self awareness about why they are not liked.

GrumpyHoonMain · 27/10/2019 10:55

I find it a bit unbelievable that all the mums are excluding / being rude to you for no reason. There’s definitely a backstory here

Pardonwhat · 27/10/2019 10:57

I suspect that you’re under question in the ending of nasty ones marriage.

Move on. Bitches Smile

Joerev · 27/10/2019 11:01

Oh man!!! I could of written this a few years ago!!!!

There was 6 mums that used to hang out. Can’t remember why. But I had a massive falling out with one. Eventually it turned into petty things. She would openly be nasty to me in front of others. I was ousted. They had group chats without me. Horrid stuff. I remember saying to friends it felt like I was back in primary school!!

That was 3 or so years ago. I carried on as normal. Didn’t let it effect me. Knew it would bite them in the arse and karma would prevail

And that’s exactly what happened. They all picked up and moved their kids to a different school. What happened. This woman caused her own downfall and now they all hate her. She has the most annoying husband who everybody hated.

Now she’s in my position

Stupid cow!

Ha. Thanks for letting me tell my karma story!!

Candymay · 27/10/2019 11:09

You will find new friends. A whole group is too much to be part of if they don’t want to. Try not to worry and make an effort to meet other people.

ThatMuppetShow · 27/10/2019 11:09

They were never your friends, but it sounds like they have done nothing wrong.

They are nice and polite when they bump into you, why wouldn't they? That's normal grown-up behaviour.

They don't want to include you in their private outings, again, why should they? Some posters on here should stop being so ridiculous, no one should be forced to invite someone they don't like - for whatever reason.

I am impressed that someone actually had the guts to tell you straight that you are not invited in a group, instead of the usual hypocritical double-faced fake-smile nonsense. Maybe you didn't get the message so she had to stop being diplomatic, and you move on,

No need for drama!

TonTonMacoute · 27/10/2019 11:22

You would think that adults would know better than to behave in this pathetic way, but sadly not.

It is very hurtful but you are better than her, move on. Things will even out again sooner than you think, by which time you won't care any more.

Interestedwoman · 27/10/2019 11:25

'I did ask I ofthe ladies why and said I made her feel uncomfortable!'

I would maybe ask her more about why etc, not that it makes any difference but maybe it'll help with future friendships.

I asked popular mum to give me a call to meet-up and she said “why would I do that “

That's not nice at all :(

Hugs and best wishes that you meet some kinder people xxx

gobbynorthernbird · 27/10/2019 11:26

Can someone explain to me why this group of women (who none of you but the OP know) are nasty, pathetic bitches? I can't see what they've done wrong, unless you think that they have to be friends with OP.

HisBetterHalf · 27/10/2019 11:29

why would you want to be friends with such childish adults?

Theresnobslikeshowbs · 27/10/2019 11:35

They are telling you clearly they don’t want to be friends with you. Clearly. So why are you pushing and trying to be friends with them? It doesn’t make them all bitches, can just be personality clashes. The fact that it’s all of them, suggests that maybe you have done or said something that’s upset them all, makes them not trust you, makes them not want to be friends with you. I suggest you have a good think about what you’ve said or done that may have triggered this. There will be something......

MuchBetterNow · 27/10/2019 11:35

I kind of get where @ThatMuppetShow is coming from. It's not a popular stance on here unfortunately. If anyone posts about being ousted/excluded/wendied there's a whole load of "they're bitches/karma will prevail" etc type posts. I suspect a lot of projection.

It seems beyond a lot of people to accept that sometimes people don't gel with a group and "jealousy" isn't the go to reason for having an enemy. There are several people I don't like, I'm not jealous of any of them. If they're part of a group and are going to be present on a night out for example, I have to think carefully if I want to go or not if I don't feel like engaging with them.

It's not necessarily bitchy or immature as some people seem determined to assume.

mummmy2017 · 27/10/2019 11:39

Find your happy music.
Listen to it as you wait.
Seeing a beaming happy you will be karma, as they like gossip but won't know why your so happy and no one can ask you.
Right now you may be a source of comments by everyone. Your being happy not sad will annoy them.

ThatMuppetShow · 27/10/2019 11:40

Of course it's not bitchy or immature, and you have to take responsibility as an adult!

Say you overhear a group talking about a holiday or weekend away.
The normal behaviour would be to stay quiet and wait to see if you are invited. They won't, or you would already be in the group btw!

If you then barge in and ask if you can join in - when it's obvious you are not welcome! - the only answer you force them to give is "no".

Who knows the reason, you assume it's because of the partner situation, just leave it at that. If it's not, do you really want to dig and get answers you will like even less?

It's the posters who are calling this group "bitchy" and other chosen name who are ridiculously childish.

peachgreen · 27/10/2019 11:44

They don't like you OP, for whatever reason. That's allowed. They've been upfront about it. That's good. It allows you to move on.

It hurts when people don't like us but usually they have a good reason, or it's a simple personality clash which can't be helped.

MRex · 27/10/2019 11:48

It looks like you've missed some back story here OP. If you want to know why they don't want to include you then we can probably help you figure it out, but you'll have to be a lot more specific about the interactions you've had with each of these women and the DH you mentioned. Regardless of the reasons, as a PP says, people are allowed to be friends with those who they actually like. You aren't the one in school, you don't have a right to be included if they don't like you or don't trust you.

Not a mum story, but a group of us all dropped a friend "A" once. A had always been a liar and an egotistical bitch, so 3 of us were already at the "polite" stage with her in the group. A then physically threatened another friend B. A claimed she hadn't, then when it was pointed out that 5 people sitting nearby had heard, she didn't remember because she was drunk. It was the final straw for remaining mutual friends so we gratefully ceased all contact with her. She then passed gossip (lies) to B's work colleagues, including how distraught A was that B had turned people against her. If meeting her I would of course say hello politely and walk on, so that's being friendly but what else should someone do? I'm not suggesting OP is that bad, but those jumping in to judge the group as all being horrible might pause to consider that they don't know the background.

Seaweed42 · 27/10/2019 11:49

Is there a backstory here about what happened between you and the other Mum's partner?

MissLadyM · 27/10/2019 11:55

They've made their feelings very clear. At least you know and can move on!

MrsAgassi · 27/10/2019 11:57

When you asked her to meet and she said "why would I do that", that would indicate to me that there is a reason that she doesn't want to and that she expects you to realise what it is.

I would only use that kind of response if somebody had done something unkind to me and then wanted to meet up and be friendly afterwards.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 27/10/2019 11:58

Sounds - unfortunately - like several of them are being civil when you bump into them and the others are being more honest about not wanting to see you. If I suggested a coffee to someone and their answer was “Why would I want to do that?” I would be either very, very offended and confused, or I would know exactly why they didn’t want to meet up.