Mum excluding me from group meet-ups

[Neapolitanicecream]

I was part of a group of 6 mums that met-up regularly. Everyone seems really friendly, I didn’t get on with one of the mums partners, never said anything, turns out they are no longer together. But she appears to have manipulated the others to exclude me from the group, I did ask I ofthe ladies why and said I made her feel uncomfortable! But everyone is nice to me if i bump into shopping. But I’m definitely excluded from the group, I feel sad about as I thought I got on with a couple really well. I asked popular mum to give me a call to meet-up and she said “why would I do that “ I was unsure what that means. I asked another if the would ask the administrator to include me in the WhatsApp group and she said No . I feel sad we are all in late 40’s.

Perhaps they don't believe you?

For those saying about the OPs age, well I remember the coven at my late Nan's sheltered accommodation, all aged over 80, nasty small minded gossips most of them who were quick to exclude those who were a different race / had a physical or mental disability....

OP was assaulted by the now ex of a woman in her group which is a horrible thing to happen.
A similar thing happened to me - a male friend assaulted me & our mutual female friend didn't believe me & distanced herself from me.
I think OP needs to forget this group & find friends that she has more in common with, and be less trusting about who she confides in.

They seem friendly but I beginning to think that they only ask after my situation for more gossip fodder not real friendships I can’t help but feel sad

OP,what do you mean "ask after my situation"? Is that a turn of phrase, or are you talking about the particular situation with the pervy ex husband?If it's the latter then of course you know the reason why you have been excluded.

What was the time line?How long after he assaulted you did you become friends with the OP? Do you believe they have split up as a direct result of what he did to you?

What he did was a terrible thing,and he's disgusting.The other ladies have a right to choose their friendship group and you have a right to feel sad about that.In time,you'll meet new friends and these ladies will be a distant memory.
Most people would say to just move on,but I'd need closure and would ask the lady with the pervy ex to meet up with you for a coffee.She may want closure too and have lots of questions for you.

That’s a bit a shit. Sod the lot of them and don’t waste another word on them. They’ve turned on you for no reason, which is pretty childish and nasty. Do not acknowledge them in any shape or form again. Shitty people if you ask me. Sorry x

Still feels like a few gaps in the story to me.

OP I think this is a case of shooting the messenger.
You were not at fault for being the victim of a perv and had every right to tell someone what had happened.
This has made the other woman uncomfortable though and she probably doesn't want you around as a reminder of what happened.
Keep your dignity and ignore them. There will be other friends.

I remember hearing about a similar situation on the playground grapevine the women were all part of a tight clique, a fundraiser BBQ for the PTA had a slimeball husband with wandering hands. Apparently there were words traded with one of the 'friends' and all hell broke loose. Everyone fell out with the victim and there reason for doing so was that they didn't want her accusing and making up untrue allegations against their husbands.
I was glad I never had time for the yummy mummy brigade. You're best off out of it OP, let them get on with it. There must be other parents to befriend besides this lot.

You don’t need this ignorant shower of bitches in your life. Cut them off, move on, make new friends.
Take the hint and don’t let them humiliate you any further.

I'm not sure you are telling us the whole story with the partner but move on op they have given you the message loud and clear.

Were you part of the group for a long time and they suddenly dropped you when you talked about the gropey husband? Apart from not going to the same gym, did you get on well with them previously?

I would absolutely give up on them and act like you don’t care whenever any of them are around. Don’t show them you’re upset.

None of this reads right and I suspect were we to ask these alleged bitches in their late 40s we would get a different tale entirely.

Perhaps the Mum that you see as the aggressor was really upset that you went behind her back to her friends about her partner and wished you'd come to her, and didn't know how to address it.

I have been sexually assaulted and it is an uncomfortable issue for many.

The huge drip feed of it in this thread suggests we aren't getting the full story still.

One of these women has said she won't get involved in having you added to a chat and another has said she wouldn't call you to meet up. I find it hard to believe that

a) the hostility comes from absolutely nowhere

b) the hostility comes from you being victimised by a man who is now this woman's ex as their split clearly shows her feelings about it

I'm not saying it to be cruel OP but there's clearly something about your behaviour in group gatherings that has put the others off

They can't all just be bullies in search of a target, and it smacks of they've tried to do it kindly but you didn't take the hint so they've had to become blunt

Sorry to add, you've framed this as if you would be able to go to these meets if not for this one Mum, I think its easy to paint her as the Regina George, but the response of the others shows she is not the only reason. I doubt she controls what they can say to you, they are grown women

None of this reads right and I suspect were we to ask these alleged bitches in their late 40s we would get a different tale entirely.

This. Nailed it.

Yeah move on and forget about them

You've had a lucky escape, bag o'bitches!
Move on and you will find real friends who are able to show basic human kindness x

@Neapolitanicecream

How long were you part of the group?

Mum friends? Late 40's?

Surely these are just friends (or not!) and they are women, not mums?

I could understand it if it was an NCT group who just had babies.
But in your late 40's?

Anyway, if that's many people are excluding you I think you need to evaluate why that is.

I think you have done something and I think you know.
You skimmed over an issue in the OP about having problems with one of their husbands.

There's so obviously more too this than the wide eyed innocence that's being portrayed.

Fair enough if you were Wendied but you're not. It's several people not wanting to be friends with you anymore.

Don’t waste another second on them, they sound like teenage girls, you are definitely better than them. Sit tight and watch from the outside, they will eventually fall with a massive bang. It never fails to amaze me how some adults act, hopefully their pathetic behaviour doesn’t rub off on their children making their children the next school gate mum bullies.

So this is what we are teaching our daughters now is it? If someone behaves inappropriately towards you, even assaults you, you shouldn't confide in a friend because it would be gossiping. And then if said friend tells everyone else and somehow you (the victim) become painted as the one to blame (not sure how), it's okay when you're socially ostracised for it? Wow.

OP, it does sound like this is the reason they are leaving you out and that maybe the story has been twisted along the line to make it look like you are in the wrong. I can't remember how much you said you told the friend but it does sound like she hasn't painted you in a good light. I would probably try to speak to the wife of the gropy husband to try and clear the air, or to dig a bit more with the others to work out what has been said, but I just can't stand things being left badly. In this case it might be best just to cut your losses.

@weezypops exactly!! Thank you!!